It Isn't Just Insanity
by lvmehtme
Summary: Months have gone by since the supernatural explosion has died down. Stiles is once more useless. But it's more than that. Stiles is empty. Then he discovers pain. It makes him feel again. The bite of metal against his skin is a sickening reminder that he's alive. Yet Derek slowly picks up on his odd behavior. Derek can't you make his pain go away? WARNING! CUTTING! SMUT! MALE SEX!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: It's been way too friggin' long since I've written anything. I'm out of practice. I want this story to be longer and have a lot of meaning to it even though it's going to be really smutty. Some of the content might be kind of triggering for some people so I'll write a bunch of warnings throughout the chapters and in the description/summary. Also this genre is different from my usual one. I usually deal with anime so if this seems too weird and super OOC then I'll do my best to change it… so…yeah. But Stiles is supposed to be a super depressing character in this so…be warned. Also un-beta'd. Mistakes are my own.**

**WARNING!: CONTAINS VIVID DESCRIPTION OF SELF-HARM! CUTTING! PLEASE DON'T READ IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU!**

**TRIGGER WARNING!: CUTTING, DEPRESSION **

**Also smut in later chapters…gay smut…male on male ACTION! **

**Still here?! Cool, enjoy the story.**

**FOR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE: SlashFictioner **

**Chapter 1**

Beacon Hills felt like Hell for Stiles. There was madness in every corner of every room, each shadow spreading the chaos deeper into the walls. Sitting in his room with all the lights on did nothing to keep the darkness at bay and no amount of noise could drown out the pandemonium in his mind. Things hadn't been going right for so long now. Ever since Scott had gotten bit his life had been tossed into turmoil. Yet there was nothing he could do. This was his life now and the only thing he could do was endure it.

But…what if he _couldn't_ endure it anymore? What if that time had come when he'd just snap and lose all reasoning? It certainly felt like it. For years he'd been dealing with this insanity brought on by the supernatural world invading his human one. Now the power of the Nemeton had loosed a screw inside him. Demons had possessed him and he'd done unspeakable things during possession. How was he still functioning?

"I'm not." He whispered to himself as he sat on the cold tiles of his bathtub as the frigid water poured over him.

For the past hour he'd sat there, doing nothing, and just contemplating his life. It felt meaningless. He was only human after all. A fragile, broken human.

Stiles ran his fingers through his wet hair for the hundredth time, letting the water run down his arms and drip from his elbows to his knees that were pulled up to his chest. His ass was starting to tingle having fallen asleep from lack of movement. Turning he shut the water off and sat there listening to the last few drips empty into the drain and slumped against the side of the tub. He was so tired.

The thought of his mother flitted through his mind, bringing pain with it but at the same time comfort. He'd be able to tell his mom what was going on. She'd listen to him and pull him out of the tub with a warm towel in her hand, soothing his back with her loving touch all the while telling him how proud she was of him.

Stiles bit out a harsh, self-loathing laugh. Well, she wasn't here, nobody was, and it was his own damn fault. Slowly he pulled himself upright and tugged the towel from the rack, drying himself off only to the point where he wasn't dripping everywhere before stepping out. He pulled on some underwear and pajama pants before draping the towel over his head and trudging back to his room across the hall. The house was quiet except for the occasional creaks of ageing wood that never failed to freak him out. It reminded him of how alone he really was. Everyone around him had their own place. Scott, Derek, Isaac…they were all strong werewolves, Lydia a banshee, even Allison was useful with her experience and knowledge as a hunter.

The bed creaked as Stiles flopped down onto it, not bothering to pull the covers down to crawl under or even to make it to his pillow. There was no point. He wasn't comfortable no matter where he laid so he just shut his eyes, feeling the drying water settle on his skin in little pin-points of coldness. Maybe he'd sleep, maybe he'd dream, but most likely he'd lay awake until he saw the faint hints of pink sun in the sky. Yeah, that was most likely the case. And tomorrow he'd drive to school in his beaten, old Jeep and pretend to be happy until he was alone and fighting the madness again.

Or maybe he just wouldn't get up. Stiles lay there through the night, listening in ever growing paranoia to the sounds of darkness. When finally, so many sleepless hours later, he saw the faint light of dawn he slowly sat back up, not having moved the entire night. His father would be home from the night shift in about an hour. There were cricks in his neck and back from not moving and his hand was asleep but he paid it no mind as he stood and crossed his room to his closet, pulling it open slowly as if a monster were on the other side. He was more surprised to see only his clothes in the darkness and gave a small, resigned sigh before jerking a t-shirt and flannel shirt from their hangers.

As if the task grieved him greatly he pulled his arms through and closed the closet door once more. From his drawers he pulled a worn pair of pants and tugged them on before grabbing his backpack from where it lay at the foot of his bed and made his way downstairs to the kitchen where he grabbed a bowl of cereal before sitting down at the table to wait for his father.

He didn't have to wait long before he heard the rumble of the cruiser pull up in the driveway and the clacking of keys as they turned the lock in the front door. Once he heard the front door shut once more he pulled his lips into a convincing, fake smile.

"Hey Dad!" he calls when he knows his dad's close enough. "How was work?"

"Boring. Speeding tickets and a couple of vandals was all for tonight." Sherriff Stilinski says as he walks into the kitchen with his son. "You sleep alright? You look like a panda."

Stiles gave his dad his most comforting smile, well, as much of one as he could muster. "Yeah, I have like a dozen tests this week and I have _not_ been studying enough so I stayed up too late. Oops." He said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders as he dipped the spoon into his cereal as if he was going to take a bite.

Papa Stilinski gave him a small frown that accompanied a smile before clapping his son on the shoulder. "Well, I'm going to hit the hay. Have a good day at school son!" he called as he walked up the stairs.

Stiles waited for the slam of his door before slumping into his chair. He rubbed his palms over his eyes a couple of times before getting back up and dumping the cereal down the drain and setting the bowl in the dishwasher. He waits about twenty minutes, giving his dad enough time to change out of his uniform, shower, and settle into bed before he trudges back upstairs, dragging his backpack behind him.

Stiles stares up at the ceiling from his bed blankly before pulling his phone out of his pocket. He hasn't heard from anyone in days. The last time Scott texted him was to get some information on the different types of wolfsbane and which ones grew around their area. That took all of ten minutes and once again his phone was silent. Isaac never had a reason to text him and Derek had called him about two weeks ago to ask where Scott was. Even his dad didn't call him anymore. There hadn't been any commotion in over three months. He was once again a useless human.

The days went on like that. The school had called the first day but Stiles had picked up, pretending to be his dad, and told them Stiles would be absent for a while due to a rare disease he'd picked up while hiking. It was a lame excuse but after a few promises to send a 'doctor's note' they let him be. Papa Stilinski didn't even question his son's wellbeing after a while and Stiles didn't offer any reassurances.

The days were monotonous, pretending to be ok and go to school, barely eating a slice of bread and a glass of water, taking a shower then crawling into bed for a sleepless night. Sometimes though, there would be days that would break the norm such as a stumble up the step or a sudden slam of the door, but even more prominent came in the form of a broken glass cup. Stiles had fallen into a trance like state as he'd stared out the window one morning, a half empty cup of water in his hand. The condensation had gathered on the outside and slipped from his grasp, crashing and shattering on the ground. He didn't even jump at the loud noise. Instead he calmly, sullenly, looked down at the mess and sighed.

"Clumsy." He whispered and grabbed the towel from beside the sink and bent down onto his knees to start cleaning up.

As he grabbed the pieces a particularly sharp edge sliced right into the palm of his hand. The sudden spark of sensation travelled through his arm and up into his brain. His heart stuttered a bit, beating wildly before the pain receded and he was once again staring blank-faced at his bloodied hand.

"Huh…" he mumbled before continuing his clean-up.

He lay in bed that night and stared at his scab, remembering that flicker of feeling. He'd forgotten for a while what feeling felt like. After getting beaten up by supernatural things so often he'd thought he'd hate this pain again, but instead it brought back those feelings of belonging. Remembering all those times he'd been called upon to assist in a dangerous mission that eventually got him hurt. But it'd been worth it. He cradled his hand to his chest and managed a few hours of sleep that night until he woke screaming into his blankets.

Another couple of days passed by with absolutely nothing. Stiles kept looking at his healing palm and tried to recall that pain but it was getting harder to remember. Finally, two days later, late into the night, Stiles sat up in bed and stared at his palm. His scab had fallen off and there was no more pain to remind him of any feelings at all. He couldn't take it.

Slowly he climbed out of bed and tugged open one of his drawers at his desk and rifled around until he found a small, rectangular box. He almost never opened it since he never really needed it. Clutching it to his chest he pulled open his door and walked across the hall into the bathroom and turned on the light. He looked paler than he had even a few days ago under the harsh, yellow light. Quickly, with shaking hands, he pulled open the box and slid the cold metal tool into his waiting palm. The box cutter reflected the awful light, showing off its unused and sharp edges.

"Will you help me?" Stiles' voice cracked slightly. He knew he was talking to an inanimate object but so far it was the only thing that gave him even a shred of hope.

Slowly he extended the blade and held out his left hand, the same hand with the tiny, white scar on the palm, and put the cool metal to the underside of his wrist and let it glide down the expanse of skin. At first there was no indication that it'd done anything and disappointment sat heavily within Stiles. Then there were beads of red dewing on the lips of the cut before spilling over into crimson tears. Stiles watched, fascinated, then there was a flash of pain as he jostled the injury and he felt that same spark of remembrance. That feeling that he got whenever he'd done something dangerous but useful. Finally, he felt relief from this endless nothingness.

"I knew you could do it." He said fondly to the cold metal and sat there, feeling the warmth spread over his arm and through his body.

The cut was shallow but it'd definitely take a few days or so to heal. Stiles sighed in contentment for the first time in ages instead of an empty sigh of cold acceptance. It took him a few more moments to get up and wash the drying blood off his arm and cover the cut with a small strip of gauze, since a Band-Aid would simply stick to the cut. He went to bed feeling better than he had in weeks, months even.

After over a week with no contact, no suspicious glances from his dad, even though his acting couldn't have been that good, and another two nights in the bathroom with his new metal 'buddy', Stiles' phone buzzed in his hand. He was tempted to just let it go but then there was another buzz. Two messages in the same few minute after so long with no contact? What was so important?

Stiles pulled his phone up and clicked into his messages. There was one from Scott and one surprisingly from Derek.

_4:26pm. _**Scott: Dude wherev u been? U missed 2 big tests! Also meeting 2nite Dereks. **

_4:31pm. _**Derek: Meeting. 7pm.**

Well, so much for eloquence. Stiles didn't feel like going. He didn't feel like doing anything so he just shot two quick texts to each, both saying: **Can't. Sick.** There wasn't an immediate reply but after about twenty minutes or so there was one buzz. The responder's name surprised him.

_4:54pm. _**Derek: Sick with what?**

Stiles heaved a sigh and shut his phone off. He didn't need to talk to people who had never given a damn and wouldn't give a damn even if he talked to them. The three cuts under his wrappings ached faintly and he let his fingers travel over the gauze fondly, as if it were his most precious thing. His box cutter was in the back pocket of his jeans where he always kept it now. Even while he 'slept' it was always close by. That was all the friends he needed.

Stiles watched the sun slowly set in the cold autumn sky outside his window and once it was finally gone and the clock read _6:43pm_ Stiles turned over on his bed to face the wall. His dad was supposed to leave any minute for the graveyard shift down at the station like he always did since he'd learned about the supernatural shenanigans. Sure enough, as soon as the clock hit _6:45pm_ there was a soft knock on his door.

"Hey kiddo, I'm leaving for work. Need anything?" it was the same mantra every night before he left.

"Nah, thanks dad. Have a good night at work. Be safe." Stiles called back to his dad who gave two knocks on the wood of his door before clomping downstairs.

The front door closed with a slight bang and Stiles let himself relax all the way once more. He didn't want his dad to see him like this, lifeless and alone. The cruiser rumbled past the window and down the street and once again Stiles felt so very much alone again. The pain from his self-inflicted wounds had subsided to the point where he could barely feel it. He pressed the pads of his fingers roughly into the scratches but they'd healed to the point there was only a twinge of pain. There was a brief flicker of anticipation as he realized he could feel that sweet pain once again and he quickly got up from his bed and locked the door to the bathroom, sinking onto the cold tile.

"Time to make me smile buddy." He said fondly, sickly, to the shining, well-kept blade.

He tore off the bandage and looked over the healing scabs of his previous cuts. Slowly he pressed the metal edge to his skin and applied pressure, feeling it bite into him as he dragged it across his wrist. Blood immediately welled along the edge and spilled over, dripping onto the tile floor between his feet. Relief and satisfaction sang through him as small waves of pain radiated from his wrist. It felt so good. It made him feel right again.

Slowly, what felt like hours later, he clambered up off the floor and cleaned up the mess he'd made with toilet paper and flushed the remains away. He cleaned his wound and bandaged it before making his way back to his room and curled up at the head of his bed, holding his throbbing hand against his chest and breathing out in contentment. He always slept well for a few hours afterwards, with the dull ache reminding him he was still alive.

In the morning, as he watched the sky turn into pinks and yellows and blues, Stiles grabbed his phone once more and turned it back on. The battery beeped in low health but Stiles ignored it as he opened up his messages. He had three missed messages. Two from Scott and one from Isaac. None from Derek but that wasn't surprising.

_6:50pm _**Scott: Where r u?! Dereks gonna thro a fit!**

_6:56pm_** Isaac: You need to get here now. Derek's not looking too happy.**

_7:59pm_** Scott: Thanks a lot dude! Dereks ttly po'd cuz u didnt sho up. Wat the hell man?!**

Stiles rubbed a hand over his face and grumbled something about unthankful bastards and quickly typed out a reply to Scott.

_6:24am _**Dude, calm down. Sorry I missed your stupid meeting. **

He sent the message quickly and stood up, grabbing the box cutter out from under his pillow. He threw on clothes quickly and without a second glance to see if they even matched before stuffing the cutter into his back pocket and jamming his feet into shoes and socks. He missed two weeks of class but had been keeping up online so he didn't have too much catching up. Quickly he printed his copy of a doctor's note, wrote the cause of his absence and forged his doctor's signature before hopping down the stairs*. His left wrist itched pleasantly, hidden under bandages beneath his long sleeve, and it reassured him slightly knowing he could still feel.

His dad walked through the front door as his toast popped.

"Morning Dad!" he called as he slathered butter all over the whole wheat bread.

"Mornin' Stiles." Was his sleepy reply followed shortly by a yawn. "You seem spritely this morning. Finally get a decent night's sleep?"

"Uh, yeah! Gotta go, I'm meeting up with Scott to work on some History project thingy." He said quickly before he skipped out of the kitchen and down the hall. He grabbed his keys from its hook and waved at his dad with his toast in his mouth as he shut and locked the door behind him.

His jeep was covered in a fine layer of morning dew and Stiles drew his finger along the side, gathering the water as he slid into the driver's seat. His baby roared to life and he calmly let the sounds and smell of his Jeep wash over him. He felt better today than he had in weeks and he rubbed his thumb over his bandages in a new found habit before putting his car into gear and backing her out. The drive to school was calming until he hit the parking lot and jerked his car all over the lot looking for a spot. Finally he parked in the far back corner and hopped out, slinging his pack over his shoulder and locking the Jeep. He patted his back pocket for his knife and felt its weight settled comfortably against his hand.

"Dude! Stiles where the hell have you been?!" Scott yelled at him when he reached the grass in front of the school.

"Why are there so many people here today? It's only like 6:50. School doesn't start for another forty minutes." Stiles asked, ignoring Scott's previous question.

"Everyone's studying for finals! You missed so much! Now are you going to answer me?"

"Finals." Stiles mumbled and thought for a second. Had he really been away that long?

"Stiles!"

"Fine! Ok, alright! No need to shout! I was out sick. Had a kidney and bladder infection. Took forever to heal." He said quickly and with as much 'truth' as he could muster.

Scott narrowed his eyes suspiciously for a few seconds before sighing and shaking his head.

"Fine, whatever dude. Just make sure to warn me next time you're gonna be out so long."

"Yeah, cuz you text me _all_ the time." Stiles said sarcastically and rolled his eyes, and head, with a shoulder shrug.

"Things have just been slow lately." Scott says as if that's an excuse and quickly looks up, eyes narrowing as they walk into the hall.

Kira's leaning against the lockers, reading something on her phone when Scott claps Stiles on the shoulder.

"Catch you later dude."

"Sure, sure."

Scott doesn't even notice the sarcasm and stress in Stiles' voice before running off to lean on the locker next to Kira and stare cheesily at her until she looks up and smiles widely at him. Stiles sighs once again and trudges through the student to the library where he studies for the next thirty minutes until the bell rings and he's off to class, his fingers tapping out a nervous rhythm on his bandages.

That day didn't go well for Stiles. His teachers all asking him where's he's been and if he's done the assignments that were due. It had started steadily raining during 4th period and when lunch came about the cafeteria smelled like wet dog and mildew. He hadn't brought a lunch so instead of joining Scott as his table with Kira, Isaac, Allison, Lydia, and the twins, he made his way to his Jeep and sat in there until he heard the bell ring. He contemplated on just going home but decided against it since his dad would hear the sound of his Jeep.

As he stepped out of the warmth of his Jeep and into the pouring rain his foot slid on the slick white marker that designated each space and his feet were wiped out from under him. His arms flailed and he felt himself come to a jarring stop just as his elbow connected with something solid. There was cursing and his funny bone tingled from the impact as Stiles whipped his head to the side to see just what the hell just happened.

Derek's furious face came level to his as his hand clutched his elbow. Stiles' eyes widened impossibly as he realized he wasn't sitting on the ground but was in fact being supported by Derek's arms.

"What the hell Stiles!?" Derek roared at him and shoved him against his Jeep.

Stiles quickly regained his footing in time to avoid another spill on the ground. He was still staring at Derek as if he was a completely foreign entity he'd never laid eyes on before.

"Uhm…what are you doing here?" he asked slowly.

"Scott said you were back in school." Derek said as he lifted his hand to his nose to check if it was bleeding. It wasn't. "You missed the pack meeting Stiles." He growled low in his throat.

"Uh, yeah. I already told you I was sick. Just ask Scott." He said, blowing it off as if it were nothing.

"Sick with what?" Derek asked, surprising Stiles again although he doesn't know exactly why.

"That doesn't matter. I just couldn't make it ok? I'll go to the next one." He said and began walking back towards the school. At this rate he was going to be late to his next class.

There was a yank on the fabric of his shirt then he was slammed against the wet door of his Jeep, the rain water soaking quickly into the back of his flannel and his t-shirt beneath that. Derek's arm pinned him there, pressing against his collarbones.

"Let me go! I need to get to class! I can't exactly afford to miss another one! I've missed like two weeks and I'm way behind and I have a lot of work to do! And it's raining! Can't you do the whole 'pin Stiles against hard surfaces painfully and roar in his face' some other time?!" Stile whined as he tried to wriggle his way out of Derek's hold. He only succeeded in making his clothes wetter. Finally he gave a frustrated sigh when Derek didn't do or say anything and went limp in his grasp. "Fine, what do you want?"

"What is wrong with you Stilinski?" Derek asked quietly, moving his face closer to Stiles as he narrowed his eyes as if he could find his answer written on him.

"Nothing! Now let me go you asshole!"

Derek's eyes narrowed and he finally dropped his arm. Stiles tugged his soaked back off the Jeep's door and glared at Derek who glared right back. The second bell signaling the start of class rang and Stiles groaned.

"See what you did?! Now I'm going to miss part of a very important lesson all thanks to you. So, thank you!" he yelled at him sarcastically as he squirmed his way around the unmoving wolf.

He didn't look back at him as he stomped back to the school, simply grabbed the cold, reassuring metal in his back pocket as he made his way to class. Of course everyone stared when he trudged through the class looking like a drowned cat but thankfully no one said anything and even the teacher dismissed his lateness. Only when he was seated at his desk by the window did he look out across the parking lot. He didn't see Derek anywhere and shook his head before turning his attention back to the boring lecture proceeding in front of him.

The day dragged on and that emptiness he felt like a constant reminder of how useless he was seemed to fill him. It drained him of everything and he found himself struggling to keep up with every class. He dug his fingers and nails constantly into his wrist, feeling that twinge of pain just so he could feel _something_. He also didn't see Scott or anyone from the group for the rest of the day. Lacrosse had been cancelled due to the rain and mud on the field so he was free as soon as the last bell rang. He didn't run into anybody as he dragged his feet to his Jeep and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, waiting for the edge of madness to recede from his mind enough for him to drive. It took a bit and by the time he sat up to look out his foggy windshield pretty much everyone was gone from the parking lot.

The drive home took longer than the drive to school. He didn't feel the need to go fast and just dawdled down the streets until he made his way up his driveway and shut off the engine. He blew out a breath and sat there, looking up at his house. He wondered if his dad woke up from the sound of his Jeep or if he could slip in unnoticed. Opening his door seemed to take effort and it took even more effort unlocking and pushing open the front door. His feet were wet but he didn't care as he made his way straight to the bathroom. He shucked his clothes and slid heavily to the floor.

"Hey little buddy." He greeted his cutter like a dear friend and pressed the slider so it slid out of its sheath. The way the light bounced off of it made his stomach flutter.

Gently, almost reverently, he pressed the sharp blade once more to his skin after ridding himself of the soggy bandages and drew it slowly across the pale skin. The previous cut from the night before had split open when he tore the bandage off and was now beading red at the torn edges. The new cut slowly dripped rubies down his white skin and Stiles put the blade back against his skin and slid it once more right next to the fresh one. The feel of double the pain ignited warmth within him once more and his frayed nerves calmed.

In that moment nothing else mattered. Not Scott ditching him and not caring about where he'd been or how he's been, not Derek with his grumpy, broody attitude and cryptic questions. Not his dad always working the night shift and not the stress of school and not the madness that seemed to riddle every surface of this forsaken town. All that mattered was the deep bliss dripping onto his skin. And he stayed like that for hours. Long after the blood had dried and scabbed over, leaving his skin tight around the new marks.

Finally, when dusk had come and he heard his father shuffling around in his room, Stiles lifted his heavy body off the floor and quickly rinsed off and tugged his clothes back over his thin frame. He tugged the door open as soon as his dad walked out of his room.

"Hey. Evenin' kid. How was school?" he asked as he walked by him towards the stairs.

"It was just school. Boring. It's been raining pretty heavily all day dad. Careful tonight." He said with a small smile.

Papa Stilinski gave him a half smile and patted him on the shoulder.

"Alright. Need anything?"

Stiles smiled at the familiar question. "Nah dad, it's cool."

Papa Stilinski nodded and disappeared downstairs while Stiles dragged himself and his backpack into his room. He threw his shoes towards the closet to finish drying and rid himself of his clothes in favor of his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. Finally he collapsed on his bed, exhausted.

Tomorrow was Friday so he might as well attend school. Thanksgiving break was only a week away. He sighed, wishing he'd just taken all three weeks off and gone straight into the break. He shut his eyes and listened as thunder split through the air. In the back of his mind he wondered if the thunder and lightning was even more intense for werewolves. Well, with heightened senses he's sure it probably is but he makes a small not in his mind to ask Scott or maybe Isaac about it later. He doesn't want to talk to any of those pretenders right now.

"I just called Scott a pretender." He laughed to himself. "I'm a terrible friend."

He sank into his mattress and pulled the covers up over him before curling his hand around the cutter's comforting weight under his pillow and lay there awake for hours until sleep caught him. Even if it didn't last long, sleep felt like a glorious release until the nightmares came.

*Forging signatures is bad! Do not do this! You will get in trouble!

**A/N: So, first chapter, done. It's been so long since I've written. I haven't had any motivation to write what-so-ever. I don't know when the next chapter will come out but…it'll get there eventually.**

**Sorry if this triggered any of you. Please don't report me. I have experience with self-harm myself so don't think I'm writing this from a 'viewers' point-of-view. Trust me I know the consequences of self-harm so…yeah. No hate but if you do it's ok. I respect your opinions.**

**Thank you for reading! Hope you stick around for Chapter 2! Intense feels still to come! ~hearts~**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Welcome back to Chapter 2 of this series! I hope you liked the first chapter to continue with the second one! I'm lettin' you know now that the character build and relationships are gonna be quite slow. **

**Also! Thank you soooo much for all the favorites and follows I got! I was NOT expecting the response I got. **

**WARNING THINGY!: TRIGGERING DESCRIPTIONS OF CUTTING AND DEPRESSION! **

**Also smut between male characters in later chapters. ENJOY! **

**Chapter 2**

The morning was an unwelcome occurrence. The alarm on his bedside table blared to life, startling him out of the stupor he'd been in half the night. After waking up from his nightmare he'd clutched the cutter tightly in his grasp while pressing and rubbing his thumb harshly over his bandages. Slowly he'd calmed enough to fall into that trance-like state he was in seventy percent of the time these days. Quickly he flipped over on his bed and slammed his hand down on the off button and the room settled into silence. He didn't want to get up today. There was nothing and nobody waiting for him. What was the point of going?

"Well, my dad for one. He'd throw a fit if he knew I skipped. I need to graduate too. Ugh." Stiles groaned as he contemplated the pros and cons out loud. Sadly the cons of staying home outweighed the pros and he slowly clambered out of bed.

When he shoved his feet into his shoes he realized the insides hadn't dried all the way from yesterday and there was a damp squish as his socks soaked up the frigid liquid. Stiles groaned and stared out at the heavy clouds in the sky through his wet window panes. It seemed everything was trying to make his life Hell. Well, it was working.

Wet tires rolled up into the driveway as Stiles stepped out of his room and shut the door, backpack slung over one shoulder. He was running a little late and so was his dad. There was no time for idle chitchat or breakfast. When he made his way down the stairs he gave his dad a quick pat on the back, a muttered 'good morning', and was quickly out the door into the rain. In his hurry he didn't notice the small package sitting in his passenger seat as he quickly started up the cold Jeep and drove down the slippery roads to school.

"Stiles!" Scott called as he ran towards his Jeep. "I've been calling you since last night and you haven't answered any of my texts! Dude, what's going on with you? Derek said you haven't replied to him either."

Stiles gave him an odd look and reached into his backpack's front pocket to retrieve his phone. When he hit the power button nothing happened. He tapped it a few times but still nothing. Then he remembered the low battery beeps from yesterday and groaned.

"Ah, sorry man. I forgot to charge it since, like, a week ago. I never get any messages or anything so I didn't think about it. What was so important that you had to contact me?" Stiles tried to keep the bitter edge out of his voice.

Scott didn't notice the sharpness and just nodded. "Well, we think there's something new in Beacon Hills. There was a body found this morning underneath a car."

Stiles frowned at him. "A body? But, wouldn't my dad have told me if there was something going on? He didn't say anything to me." He paused and gave a small roll of his head. "Well, I did sorta dart out the door this morning. Damn it. Is my dad in danger?!" he asked quickly.

"Whoa, hey, calm down. We don't know anything for now. Which is why you need to keep your phone turned on at all times and actually talk to us. I don't know much about the body, only what I heard from Derek and you know he doesn't talk much."

Stiles nodded as the trudged across the wet asphalt to the front of the school. The squeak of wet sneakers echoed through the halls as the stepped inside.

"So, you and Derek talk often?" he asked on a side note.

"Uh, well, yeah. We look out for each other and I'm thinking about actually bringing him into my pack. Not just as a consultant or an omega or whatever he is right now. I haven't talked to him about that yet though."

"Oh, ok. Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Because I just started thinking about it these past two weeks and you haven't been here!" Scott pointed out.

"Why couldn't you text me this?"

Scott opened his mouth to answer but his name was called from off to the side. Kira. Stiles gave her a small glare but no one saw. As soon as he was once again ditched he quickly stalked to his locker, wrenched it open and stuffed his backpack inside, grabbing only what he needed before slamming it once more. His thumb immediately started its habitual rubbing on his bandage as he stalked to his first class, praying the day would be done soon.

Math dragged by and since none of the material was new to Stiles he stared out the window as the rain picked up again. The wind howled loudly, whistling past the building and Stiles thought back to the news of the dead man. Was this unusual weather due to a new supernatural creature or was it simply Mother Nature trying to cleanse this Hell hole he was stuck in? Whatever it was it was rough. The trees whipped furiously outside and by the time second period was over the lights were flickering on and off in the building.

Scott found him during passing period looking fidgety next to his locker. "This weather is really starting to freak me out."

"It's just a little rain and wind." Stiles scoffed and slammed his locker shut just as a crack of thunder rolled through the air.

Scott jumped his eyes wide as he stared towards the front doors.

"You going to be ok? Is this weather really that bad for you werewolfians?" Stiles patted his friends shoulder as he stared at Scott's frazzled hair. "Dude, your hair is totally standing on end." He said running his hand through the static-y locks.

"I-I don't know. We haven't had a storm like this since we were small. I wasn't a werewolf then."

Stiles nodded and thought for a second. "Alright then. You should probably call Derek and if he doesn't answer or the towers are down then you should get to his place. Don't want you wolfing out in the middle of class. Take Isaac with you."

Scott looked at him with frightened eyes, dwelling on his every word. "Yeah, ok, I'll do that. Sounds good. How am I going to get there? I rode my bike this morning."

"Just call Derek for now and worry about that later. I've got to get to class. If you really need a ride come get me. Next period is free study."

Without glancing back Stiles strode off down the hallway. Let's see how Scott liked it when he was ditched when he needed it. Stiles sighed at the harsh thoughts but didn't turn back. Scott was really being a lousy friend. He was restless as he hunched over his notes at his desk. The words blurred together until after a while he just sat back and stared out the darkened window at the unforgivable clouds. The time slowly slipped by and after a bit Stiles had fallen into that trance again, his body becoming still as he thought and did nothing. His eyes were open but he didn't really see anything. Only the sound of the wind told him that he was awake.

"Stiles!"

The classroom door banged open and Scott and Isaac tumbled through the door looking beyond feverish. The teacher swiftly stood up and opened his mouth, about to yell.

"Scott! Are you sick again?! Oh man let's get you guys to the infirmary! Sorry teach! I gotta make sure these guys are alright. Let's go guys! Hurry before you barf!"

His teacher's face paled at the thought of vomit anywhere near them and let them leave without a word. The other students stared until they were gone, their sneakers squeaking down the slippery halls.

"I take it you need my assistance?"

"I need you to take us to Derek's. I got a hold of him but just barely. I think the towers went down just like you said. He told me to go to his loft."

They made it to their lockers and quickly dialed in their combinations to grab their stuff.

"Ok. Do you want me to pack your bike in the back of my Jeep or can you come back and get it, like, tomorrow when Nature isn't trying to kill us?" Stiles said sarcastically but with a hint of seriousness.

"Tomorrow or whenever's just fine! Just come on!" Scott whined and Isaac looked at the both of them with terrified puppy eyes as another crack of lightning and thunder made the lights dim, flicker, then cease their lighting altogether.

"Fine, come on. Just make sure I don't get blown away." He mumbled and they made a quick dash for the doors.

The wind was absolutely manic. Stiles had been kidding about being blown away but now it was a complete possibility. They were immediately soaked to the skin in the flooding rain and the wind made it feel like icy needles. Stiles managed to barely keep himself upright with one hand clamped tightly on Scott's shoulder and the other shielding his eyes from the onslaught. Isaac was doing the same to Stiles but it was to steady Stiles not himself and for a second there was a flash of warmth before the freezing rain drowned it out.

They reached the Jeep after 10 minutes of struggling through the storm. Stiles managed to get in without being crushed by his door only because Isaac held it open before it slammed shut behind him. Scott and Isaac climbed in through the other door, Isaac in the middle, before they were shut inside the cold cabin of his Jeep. They were breathing hard and all looked miserable.

"Let's get to Derek's. I need to call my Dad somehow too to tell him." Stiles said quickly before starting his Jeep up.

For a second fear that his Jeep wouldn't start under such conditions but then his Jeep rumbled to life beneath them and he heaved a sigh of relief and put it into gear. It took a long time getting out of the parking lot without crashing into other cars. There were other students also struggling to get to their cars, obviously too worried about the intensity of the storm to stay at school any longer. The roads were slick and the wind blew water straight at them, blinding the windshield even with the wipers at full power. Luckily Stiles had been to the loft enough times to know the route by heart.

After a grueling forty minute drive in the rain and smelling like wet dogs (Stiles laughed at the thought of two werewolves smelling like wet dog) they made it to the parking structure next to the building Derek lived in. The elevator wasn't working so they took the stairs, running up them two at a time. Stiles was the last one to arrive, breathless and hunched over, out of breath. The other two were already pounding on the door practically begging Derek to let them in. A clank came from the other side of the metal door before it was wrenched open.

Stiles eyes went wider than ever before as he took in a shifty looking Derek. Even Derek seemed absolutely freaked out by the storm. When thunder tore through the sky once more Derek's arms flew out and shoved the two inside before grabbing the front of Stiles' soaked shirt and yanking him inside as well before bolting the door shut once more. The giant wall of windows was as covered as possible by blankets and boxes on the sills but the top just couldn't be reached, showing off the brooding storm clouds.

"So, you guys hate lightning, huh?"

"Most creatures hate lightning. A great amount of humans hate it too." Derek huffed as he started pulling clothes out of his drawers.

"What are you doing?"

"You three are dripping all over my floor." He said and tossed a pair of pants and a shirt at all three of them. "Hurry up and get changed."

Scott and Isaac caught the clothes no problem but Stiles fumbled for a bit, dropping the shirt.

"Uh, can I get a long sleeve? Not that I'm not appreciative of your generosity but I'm kinda human, you know…no werewolf heat to keep me warm." Stiles said as he held up the t-shirt. A long sleeved shirt hit him in the face before he even finished his last sentence. "Yeah, that'll do. Thanks." He said as he took off his shoes by the door so he didn't track more water in.

He was about to go towards the bathroom but he realized the light was off and the other room downstairs was also occupied.

"Do you want me to go upstairs to change or wait here for them to get out?" he asked slowly so he didn't irritate the already irate werewolf.

"Just change there!" Derek said, exasperated.

"Alright! No need to get huffy!" Stiles held up his hands in surrender as he set the dry clothes down on the shelf beside the door before turning back towards Derek. "Uh, dude. Are you going to watch me change or something? I kinda need privacy before I bare my junk to the world."

"Jeez Stiles." Derek rolled his eyes but turned around anyways, facing towards his bed, but keeping his back solidly to the window.

Stiles shuffled to the side a little more just to make sure he was out of Derek's peripherals before he shed his jeans and two shirts and donned the dry ones. They were large on him but they were dry and warm so he wasn't complaining. Though it was uncomfortable without his underwear but those were just way too wet for him to keep on. The bandages on his wrist were soaked too but those would have to stay so the sleeve got a little wet.

"'Kay, I'm decent. Sorry but I had to take off my underwear too since they're totally sopping wet. They'd get your sweats all wet which would then get your seats wet if I sat down or it would drip down my leg and I would leave a trail and then it'd just defeat the purpose of dry clothes and…"

"Stiles! I get it! Just…stop talking about it!" Derek shouted at him as Scott and Isaac made their ways back into the room.

"I'll definitely wash them. Twice. Ok, I'm done." Stiles finished and held his hands up again before clapping them once and gathering up his wet clothes and laying them out beside his backpack.

Scott and Isaac did the same and soon the doorway was filled with soggy clothes. Stiles looked down at his pants and realized the outline of his cutter was visible and he quickly stepped over to them, pretending to straighten out the cloth while he grabbed the cold metal and went over to his backpack. He unzipped it and rifled through the wet paper, dropping the cutter in discreetly.

"Ah man! All my papers are wet! Even the inside of my binder is soaked! Damn it! All those notes for nothing! Oh well! I doubt they'll even be having school with this weather! Hey! Maybe it'll last through next week and we won't have finals!"

All three werewolves gave him dark looks and he withered beneath their stares.

"Oh yeah. Wolves no likey storms." He mumbled and gave a weak grin as he zipped his backpack shut and stumbled back around the clothes and to one of the desk chairs.

The three wolves had dumped themselves on the couch, even grouchy Derek sat near them even if he wasn't huddled close to them. Stiles looked at them and sighed before pulling his cold feet up onto the chair and wrapped his thin arms around his knees. He looked away from them, not wanting to dwell on being left out once more and stared down at the concrete floor. He stared at the little divots in the floor and after a while of tracing patterns with his eyes it turned into a grey mesh and the sounds from both the storm and the other three faded away. He simply sat there, cold and tired.

"…iles…Stiles! Stiles! Dude! You alright?" Scott's voice pulled him out of his daze and he felt like the world was shaking.

"Huh?" Stiles quickly looked up into Scott's worried face. "What's up? Why are you shaking me?"

"We were calling you over and over. You didn't respond at all but your eyes have been open this whole time. Are you having that sleep thing again like what happened after the Nemeton?" Scott asked his hand had stopped shaking him but rest upon his shoulder, his grip tight.

"No way. It's nothing like that. I was just really lost in thought and now thanks to you I lost my train of thought." Stiles smiled as if he were just fine, shrugging off Scott's hand. "Oh! I need to call my dad! Are the landlines up?" he asked suddenly and flicked his head around until his eyes settled on Derek who stood beside Isaac a couple feet away.

"There's a service telephone in the parking garage. You can go see if that's working."

Stiles nodded and quickly stood up, his bare feet hitting the cold concrete with a wince. He hopped over to his backpack and grabbed a few quarters from the side pocket and quickly dug through his papers until his hand settled around cold metal before rushing to the door and pushing it open, completely forgetting his shoes. He didn't wait to see if anyone was following him before running down the stairs all the way down to the main level.

The breath in his lungs felt like it was burning him and his body shook as if he were about to have a panic attack. Quickly he ducked around the side of the stairs and crouched against the wall. He tugged the sleeve of Derek's shirt back and ripped one edge of the soggy bandage off. Without taking time to admire the blade like he usually did in his bathroom he dragged the sharp edge down his skin next to the last track mark and waited as the pain settled in and calmed his panic. It felt like he could breathe again, like all the air had been let back into the room and slowly he retracted the blade and held his arm over a puddle in the ground so it would disguise his blood. As soon as he felt calmer he got back up and walked out to the edge of the parking garage where the storm was still raging.

"Well, can't be too picky." He mumbled and stuck his arm out a little until the rain washed away the new blood enough that he could cover it with the bandage once more.

Once he'd tugged the sleeve back in place he walked back through the parking garage until he found the service telephone tucked into an alcove in the back of the garage. He stuck the coins into the slot and quickly dialed his dad. When the line started ringing he thanked all that was good that it was working. The line was full of static when his dad picked up.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey dad! Just needed to tell ya that I'm not at school 'cause I had to drive Isaac and Scott over to Derek's. Turns out werewolves reaaally don't like storms. I'm probably going to be here for a while. Like, a long while. But there's no school tomorrow or the next day so you don't have to worry!"

"_Are you sure you won't be able to make it home? How'd you even get to Derek's? And are Scott and Isaac going to stay there with you?"_

"Yeah dad they're probably staying here too. I had to drive carefully to get here and I highly doubt I'd be able to make it through the storm in the dark. I'll just stay here for now. Don't worry about me. You shouldn't go in to work tonight either. It's really dangerous."

"_I know. I got a call from the station earlier saying to stay indoors and away from the windows. This is one hell of a storm. Make sure you stay safe son."_

"I will. Don't worry about me." Stiles said again as the line filled with more and more static. "I gotta go dad! The lines are going down! I love you!"

"…_lo…you…t…son."_

The line cut out and the dial tone resounded within his ears. At least now his dad knew he was safe and he knew his dad was safe as well so that was a little weight lifted off his shoulders. His feet were starting to ache with cold as he trudged up the steps one at a time, taking his time to reach Derek's floor level. Once he made it he was shivering with cold and he clutched at the slightly warm metal in his sleeve pocket. The door opened as soon as he knocked once. Scott's face was right in his when the heavy metal door was pulled back.

"You took so long I was about to come after you."

"Hah, how'd you know I hadn't just taken off?" Stiles asked as he trudged over to his backpack and shoved the cutter back in before making a show of dropping the extra quarter he had into the pack and zipping it up.

"You left all your stuff here and its storming way too hard for you to make it very far. And it's getting dark too." Scott's voice got low at the end as if he was contemplating something.

"Yeah, that's true." Stiles mumbled and stuffed his hands under his armpits as he continued to shiver.

No one seemed to notice how ridiculously cold Stiles was until he sneezed loudly and messily, sniffing up snot so it didn't run out of his nose.

"Dude, that was seriously gross." Isaac commented and handed him a tissue from the desk.

"Sorry." Stiles mumbled and took the tissue to blow his nose. He turned before he started clearing his sinuses so he didn't gross them out even further.

"You're shaking." Derek said finally once he'd turned back around. Scott and Isaac looked him over as if they hadn't seen him yet.

"It's kind of cold outside and I forgot my shoes in here when I went to make the phone call. Oops." He sniffed quietly and trudged around them to throw the tissue away in the small wastebasket beside the bed.

A blanket was suddenly thrown over his head and he stumbled slightly at the weight. Pulling it around his shoulders he turned to see who'd thrown it and saw both Isaac and Scott staring at Derek who just shrugged and wandered over to the couch and sat there like he'd done nothing out of the ordinary at all.

"Uh, thanks." Stiles mumbled and sat down in the chair again but this time warmer, the blanket snuggled around him.

The other two went back to their positions next to Derek on the couch and this time Stiles just watched as the made small talk amongst themselves. It seemed like a nice conversation at first that turned serious as they huddled in closer, their eyebrows drawing together as they spoke in low voices. Stiles felt the ache of not belonging but brushed it off in favor of just watching them. He didn't even notice when he began to nod off until finally darkness closed over him completely.

**A/N: So! Another chapter is done! A little more progress in the story. Depressed Stiles makes me sad but it's so much fun to write! Come on Scott, Isaac, Derek! Realize your poor boy Stiles is suufferiiiing! You nitwits!**

**Well, again, sorry for any triggers. If you have something against it feel free to rag about it but I'm lettin' you know now that I ain't stoppin' this story! I have a great destiny for Stiles to fulfill! He must fulfill it! He mussssssssst! ~hearts~**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is going to be more informative, maybe even bordering on boring but there is important stuff goin' on here! Also, sorry for not posting yesterday! I was absolutely exhausted and didn't have time to write it before I fell asleep. So here ya go, the next chapter!**

**WARNING: TRIGGERING DESCRIPTIONS OF CUTTING AND DEPRESSION!**

**Also smut in later chapter. The smutty kinda smut that's between two guys. The best kind of smut. ENJOY!**

**Chapter 3**

Everything was dark. The chaos was silent but deafening. It was everywhere and surrounded him in its icy grip. There was no way he could fight it and simply slipped into its embrace. No air could reach him and he felt the deep pain of aching lungs pierce through his cold chest. A flare of heat enwrapped his wrist, tugging on him insistently even though he made no effort to chase after such precious heat. The warmth turned into a searing brand that tugged and pulled at him with a panicked urgency until finally he was pulled through the dark surface of his nightmare.

Stile woke gasping for breath, his heart beating wildly in his chest as his ears rang with white noise until he could focus on what was in front of him. Derek's face surfaced, his mouth moving to the words starting to echo in his ears.

"…e on. Stiles come on! Stay with me! Breathe slowly. In, out. In, out." Derek's voice started a mantra, retraining him on how to breathe as he gripped his wrist hard to anchor him.

"D-Derek. Wh…what?" was all he managed to get out before he felt like he couldn't breathe again.

"Slowly. Just take it easy. Come on, up we go."

Derek hauled him off the floor and half carried him to the bed where Stiles collapsed once more. Derek didn't touch him more than necessary, giving him room to breathe and fully wake up. After a few minutes Stiles was able to focus on more than the dark floor in front of him. The loft was dark and mostly silent. The only noise coming from the crazed wind and rain on the window. Finally Stiles turned to face Derek's carefully collected figure sitting a safe distance away from him.

"What happened? Did I fall asleep?"

"You were definitely unconscious. You stopped breathing."

Stiles frowned. No wonder the pain in his dream seemed so real. "For how long?"

"Not sure. Took me a bit to realize the added silence and that's when I noticed you weren't making any sound. Does this happen often?"

"I don't know." Stiles said with only half the truth since he usually didn't sleep in the first place.

Derek stared at him for a long time, his eyes flicking back and forth between Stiles' and Stiles stared right back, too drained to care about Derek being weird…again. Whatever Derek had been looking for seemed to satisfy him enough to give a nod and huff a bit before standing up again.

"You're cold, you can take my bed." He said curtly and gestured to the half unmade bed with a small sweep of his hand.

"No thanks. I'm fine in the chair. I probably won't be able to sleep after that nightmare. Besides, I have a blankie." Stiles said in almost a whisper. He just didn't care enough to talk properly at the moment.

Derek's bushy eyebrows drew together in a frown. "Well, just in case you happen to fall asleep I don't want you to fall off the chair _again_." He put emphasis on the last word.

"Won't happen again." Stiles mumbled back stubbornly and made a move to get up.

An arm gripped around his waist and hauled him right up off his ass and practically threw him at the pillows at the head of the bed. Stiles gasped as he hit the soft mattress and bounced for a few seconds. The bed dipped beside him as Derek climbed under the covers and pulled them up around the both of them.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Stiles yelled before Derek shushed him and pointed to the other two sleeping curled up under blankets on the sofa.

"You're being stubborn. Just shut up and go to sleep. You won't be cold and you won't fall off this way." Derek grumbled and turned his back to Stiles.

For a couple seconds he contemplated climbing back out of the bed but thought better of it realizing he'd only be able to sit up before Derek had him smooshed against the pillows again. Stiles' face lit in a blush as lurid thoughts flooded his brain briefly at the thought before shuddering and pulling the blankets tighter to him and curling up.

"You're an ass." He mumbled quietly, knowing Derek could easily hear him.

"You're stubborn." Came the gruff reply.

Stiles felt warmer already with the heat of the werewolf against his back. Goosebumps rose on his skin as he shivered again. The storm let out a particularly loud growl of thunder and he felt the bed jerk. For a moment he thought that maybe Derek was just adjusting but then lightning cracked again and again the bed jolted and he couldn't keep the slight smile from his face. Slowly he pushed back and felt his spine touch Derek's warm back and sighed a little.

"Thanks." He whispered, barely giving any voice at all.

There was no reply and he was glad about that. He didn't need a touching moment with a broody werewolf in said werewolf's bed. He simply shut his eyes and waited for morning.

The only indication that morning had come was the shifting of waking werewolves. Isaac stirred first which jostled Scott who whined until he finally sat up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. Stiles watched from his cocoon of blankets at the two of them as the said their good mornings and Isaac shuffled to the bathroom, shivering once his feet hit the cold floor. Derek stirred behind him and he scooted away so he wouldn't have the unpleasant surprise of Stiles smooshed against his back. Scott saw the movement from the couch and at first the sleepy expression didn't change much but then slowly transformed to confusion then horror as he saw Stiles' face amongst the blankets in _Derek's_ bed.

"Uh, what are you doing in Derek's bed Stiles?" Scott asked, breaking the storm riddled silence.

"He fell out of his chair last night and was absolutely frozen." Derek's grumpy voice broke in before Stiles' could.

Scott's face turned back to confusion. "Wait, he was sleeping in the chair? Why didn't you come over here?"

Stiles simply shook his head and sat up, bringing the blanket with him. The bed jostled beneath him and he didn't have to turn around to know that Derek had sat up as well.

"Good thing it's Saturday. I don't think I'd make it to school today, let alone step outside." Isaac yawned as he exited the bathroom, blanket wrapped tightly around him once more. "What's for breakfast?"

That got things going and soon all three werewolves were in the kitchen up the stairs while Stiles simply sat in bed and listened to Derek telling them not to make a mess of his kitchen. The other two grumbled but soon he could hear cereal being poured and the sound of pans being banged around. He sighed and got up, leaving the warmth of the blankets and shivered at the cold concrete beneath his previously warm toes. The clothes at the door were probably dry by now and upon closer inspection the material was stiff and a little dusty from the floor but definitely dry. Their shoes needed more time to dry but that was to be expected.

Stiles quickly changed into his own clothes and bundled Derek's clothes and stuffed them into his backpack to wash later. As he contemplated leaving Derek's voice rang down the stairs.

"Stiles! You going to eat?"

"Nah, I'm good. No appetite in the mornings." He called back up.

"Whatever dude! You're hungry all the time!" Scott called down next.

Stiles shook his head and zipped up his backpack. He wouldn't leave just yet. There was something he needed to talk to Derek about first. With his feet now covered by socks he made his way over the expanse of concrete to the metal stairs and into the dining room area beside the kitchen. The three of them had already broken out a variety of food. There was bacon being pulled out of the fridge and eggs already on the counter, the Styrofoam top already opened to reveal the pearly white eggs.

"You guys do know the powers out right? And probably the gas too. How are you going to cook those? Isaacs the smart one with the cereal."

They all looked at him for a bit, stilling all their movements before it seemed to dawn on them that he was right. Slowly they began putting the food back in the fridge.

"Fridge isn't working either." He said quietly and they all groaned.

Isaac slowly brought the milk he'd just opened to his nose and sniffed. Then sniffed again.

"Milk smells fine."

"Yeah, for now while it's still cold from the residual cooling after the power went out. And now that you opened the fridge that isn't gonna work anymore."

Scott and Isaac groaned loudly while Derek sighed and rubbed a hand over his forehead like this grieved him greatly.

"Just stick everything perishable in the freezer, it's still cold enough, and everything else that won't spoil in what little warmth there is in the house can stay in the fridge." He offered the solution quickly so they wouldn't think he was just there to deliver bad news and destroy their morning.

Things were slower and less enthusiastic than minutes before and Stiles felt a pang within him as they gave him sad puppy eyes, except for Derek who had his usual broody scowl in place once more, and he immediately shrank back, pulling his arms around him as he starting stepping towards the stairs again.

"Ah, sorry to ruin your breakfast. Um, if you had matches then you could light a fire in a small grill on the stove if you have one…" he offered and swiftly exited back downstairs.

There was no movement upstairs for a bit as he sat back in his chair from last night and felt the cold seep back into his skin, all warmth from last night gone once more. He should have just left earlier. Voices echoed down to him as the three wolves contemplated breakfast before there was a lot of shuffling and banging of kitchen ware. Drawers rolled open and there was clacking of cutlery until Scott let out a triumphant shout and the drawers were rolled shut once more. Soon the sounds of bacon sizzling in a pan over a fire filled Stiles' ears and Scott and Isaac's banter over crispy for Scott or floppy for Isaac's bacon began. Derek eventually growled at them to shut up and that there would be an even amount of both for both of them.

Stiles sat there and watched the storm out the top of the large, half covered window and waited for a break in the storm to run down to his Jeep. He just couldn't be cooped up with them when he wanted to be alone. He hated seeing everyone so happy when he couldn't feel that way. It wasn't until almost the end of breakfast when the wind stopped whistling and the clouds were letting out sporadic bursts of rain. Finally he clambered off his chair and grabbed his wallet from his bag beside the door.

"I'll be right back guys!" he yelled then quickly slipped out the door and shut it behind him before he got an answer.

His shoes were still a little soggy and froze his already cold toes as he trudged down the stairs. The asphalt was dark with water all the way to the stairs inside the parking garage having flooded from the still ongoing rain. Stiles slogged over to the driver's side of his Jeep and unlocked it, climbing into the dry cab and slamming the door shut once again. He sat there, cold and aching as he listened to the muted sounds of the rain before starting up the Jeep and backing out of his spot and driving into the pouring rain.

The wind wasn't too bad, having died down for a bit, but the rain was still making it hard to see and the roads slippery. Luckily his destination wasn't too far away and pulled into a parking spot in front of the grocery store. He had about thirty dollars on him for emergencies and he was pretty sure being stuck inside Derek's house with a limited supply of food and hungry werewolves counted as an emergency. Walking into the store he noticed the lights were on and the fridges holding the food and frozen things were still working.

"Back-up generators." He mumbled and sighed, wishing Derek's place had that too so he didn't need to be here.

Bright red banners yelled at him from every corner shouting _**Emergecy Sale! 50% off EVERYTHING in the store!**_

"Spelled 'emergency' wrong." Stiles muttered as he grabbed a cart and went straight for the camping isle.

Charcoal and matches first, pack of water next, and finally a bunch of meat to keep the ravenous wolves. After picking up three rib-eye and three t-bone steaks he walked to the check-out counter. The wind had begun to pick up outside and the clerk didn't seem to see the urgency in Stiles' bouncing. By the time his check-out was done and he'd paid all but two pennies of his thirty dollars the wind was whistling once more and the rain was pounding on the windows. When Stiles stepped outside he was immediately frozen in the icy combination.

The groceries were mostly safe in the plastic bags but still a little water got in and soaked a bit of the charcoal bag by the time he'd climbed into his Jeep. The drive back was absolutely terrifying. It'd gotten so cold out that the rain had started turning to sleet, pinging off his car in loud ricochets. When he finally made it back to the parking garage he'd almost been in two accidents and had hydroplaned numerous times. The safety of the parking garage had him breathing a sigh of relief and he sat there with his Jeep turned off and just thought about things. He trailed his fingers over his wrist and sighed at the ache. The bandages were still soaked and wished he'd picked up some bandages while still at the store. Though he hadn't had enough money so he guessed it wouldn't have mattered.

He needed to talk to Derek about the body they'd found before the storm had hit and he needed to get a hold of his dad to see if he was doing ok. They had a heck of a lot more food in the house than Derek did so he should be able to make it through the storm comfortably even though the food in the fridge would most likely spoil. Scott's mom would probably be holed up in the hospital attending to anybody that'd been caught in the storm. It was probably a refuge for others unable to make it home as well.

Stiles contemplated just staying in the Jeep for the remainder of the storm but the meat would go bad so he slowly gathered the bags and pushed open the door. Once he locked it he pulled one leg in front of the other just enough to make it up the stairs and knocked quietly on the door. The heavy metal was immediately jerked aside and all three werewolves faces were in his in a second.

"What the hell Stiles!" Scott.

"Where'd you go?!" Isaac.

"That was a stupid move Stilinski." Derek.

Stiles just held up the wet bags without saying anything back. Their faces all went from staring at Stiles to looking at the bags. Isaac reached out for the first one and Scott and Derek took the other two. Slowly they fell back and started inspecting the contents of each bag.

"Did…did you go out in the storm because of this?" Derek asked, holding up the bag of meat.

Stiles nodded and the other two both looked to Derek, wondering where he was going with this.

"That was incredibly reckless! The storm could have killed you! And over what? A little bit of meat?!" Derek yelled and held up the bag like it was offending him.

Stiles cringed at the severity of his voice and sat down next to the door, putting his cold hands under his armpits as he shivered in his sodden clothes. Scott and Isaac stayed silent, choosing to rifle through the bags instead. Getting no response to his questions, Derek thrust the bag back at Stiles.

"Well, might as well put it in the freezer."

Stiles grabbed the bag and stood up once more without a word. He quickly made his way upstairs and pushed the bag of meat into the freezer, quickly taking note of the two chicken breasts, milk, eggs, butter, package of bacon, two sirloins, and two ice trays. When he checked the cupboard he found a bag of potatoes, two boxes of half empty cereal, a loaf of bread, and a couple cans of beans. Now he felt like crap since he really did do all of that for nothing. Absolutely nothing. The pain hit him harder than he thought it would. For a bit he'd actually been hoping that he'd been helpful, even a little bit, but he'd just caused them undue worry. Finally he went back down the stairs and saw the others going through the stuff they'd pulled out of the bags. This time he simply opened the door and walked out without telling them he'd be back. They didn't even ask.

Stiles was beginning to hate those stairs, walking up and down them but it gave him time to think, or well, not to think. All he _could_ think about was the weight in his back pocket and the comfort it could bring. The comfort from this empty ache he feels. As he scoots into the passenger side of his Jeep next to the pack of bottled water he pulls out his cutter and a rag he keeps in his Jeep. Jerking back the sleeve of his damp flannel then the bandage he pressed the sharp point straight into his skin and sucking in a breath at the jolt of pain. After a second of holding it there he pulled it down his wrist before removing it from his skin. The deep red seeped into the white towel and stained it permanently.

"Why am I so useless?" he whispers as he holds the knife up to the light so it shines back at him.

Again he presses the cutter into his skin and breaks through, dragging it down. Again, three times. The pain drowns out the disappointment and pain that's built up inside of him from one day with the others. How had he put up with them the entire time? His face scrunched in pain as his mind spun round and round. The others just didn't notice him. Didn't notice that he wasn't talking and wasn't eating as he usually did. What was he to them?!

Nothing. Just like what he felt after he realized once again how little he meant to them.

He lets himself bleed some more until the fiery pain dies down and the ache is left as a small comfort and reminder that he's alive even when he doesn't want to be. He took his time bandaging his wrist again and putting the drying rag back into his glove compartment wrapped up in itself so it didn't stain anything else and masked most of the scent of his blood. He had to take precautions around werewolves.

When he finally felt he could face everyone once more he grabbed the pack of water and plodded back up the stairs. He felt winded when he reached the top. Even though he was freezing he could feel sweat gathering at the small of his back and at his hairline. Hopefully that would mask the smell of any leftover blood. The door swung open when he reached it and the water was taken from his hands immediately. His long fingers ached from the weight and he flexed them to get rid of the numbness. Before Derek could say anything that would ruin his pain buzz he lifted a finger at him.

"Look, sorry I took off without saying anything and sorry I went out into the storm. Also sorry I got extra supplies when we obviously didn't need them. Now that my blunder is acknowledged and I am humiliated and have apologized, can we please get on with the murder that happened yesterday? I heard from Scott that there'd been a murder that raised suspicions." He said quickly and efficiently.

Derek shut his mouth before opening it again after Stiles was done, looking taken aback.

"Ok." Derek quickly agreed and went right into the murder investigation. "Well, the victim was male in his late twenties. There was nothing really special about the body except for this strange odor I got when I passed by the crime scene. It wasn't human and I'd never smelt it before. That's why I suspect there's another creature in Beacon Hills."

Stiles nodded and crossed the room to sit on the chair next to the desk since his feet were so cold they burned. He took off his shoes and crossed them under him and his hands were once more under his arms he looked back at the three of them.

"What exactly did this smell, smell like?" he asked slowly. "Like, could you relate it to anything you _have_ smelt before? Say a type of plant or maybe plastic or anything at all similar?" Stiles says as examples.

Derek was already slowly shaking his head. "I'm telling you. It was a pretty unique odor. I'm sure if I come across it again I'd know, but with this weather I can't do a thing." He said, gesturing at the window.

"Yeah, this storm is pretty weird." Isaac mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort.

"You think it might have something to do with the deaths?" Scott asked both Stiles and Derek quickly, his head whipping back and forth between the two several times.

Stiles shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea. I have no internet to check any of this stuff out and the only written bestiary is still with Allison…or does Lydia have it?" Stiles' brow furrowed in thought as he leaned back in the chair.

"I don't think it has anything to do with the body. There might be something supernatural about the storm itself though. Like it's a whole different thing itself."

"Very eloquently put, but yeah I think you might be right. There is absolutely nothing 'natural' about this storm. Sure it's autumn but we live in California. We _never_ get weather like this. Except for that one time when I was small." Stiles amends quickly.

"I remember a storm like this as well. I was about twelve I think." Derek says quietly.

They were silent for a bit, listening to the sounds of the storm and remembering the last time they'd heard it so long ago and tried to recall the similarities between the two.

"You think they're connected?" Scott broke the silence.

"Maybe. It could be a possibility with the place we live in. We just need to figure out what's causing it and how." Derek mumbled.

"We also need to figure out how long it's going to last because if we don't get a break soon then there's no way for us to find out." Stiles said just as quietly.

Isaac sighed and ran his fingers through his curly hair, looking distressed. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled outside, causing Scott and Isaac to jump and Derek's jaw to clench. Stiles just sat there and watched them as he thought these things through.

"Do your cell phones work?" he asked them.

All three pulled their cells out of their pockets and checked the signals. All three shook their heads.

"Damn. We need to call Allison and Lydia and tell them about the storm and the body. But we have no power so we can't charge the phones if they die. Two of you should turn off your phones while the other keeps theirs on in case there's a break in the storm and we get some signal. Whose has the most battery?"

They all looked at each other's phones before Derek held his up a little. Stiles wasn't surprised since Derek didn't look like he used his much.

"Ok, the other two should shut off theirs."

Once only Derek's phone remained on Stiles nodded and sniffed a little as his red nose started to run with cold.

"Well, that's all we can do for now. I guess we just wait the storm out."

Two sighed in disappointment while Derek simply nodded and put the phone on the table. It was about midmorning leaning towards afternoon by now and Stiles felt a bit faint. It was probably from the blood loss from earlier and the lack of food for two and a half days he reasoned and stood up once more. Derek gave him a calculating look when he headed up towards the kitchen but he paid him no mind.

There was no leftover food from breakfast but he wasn't expecting any. He pulled the bread out of the cupboard and pulled out two slices before replacing the loaf. The freezer was absolutely frigid and when he pulled out the butter he saw ice crystals forming on the top. At least he knew it'd last a while like this. He quickly spread a bit on each piece and put the butter back before biting into the bread. It was cold but it took the edge off his hunger for a bit. Once his stomach had been satisfied he went back down and pulled a water out of the pack and took a long sip. He felt a little less shaky now. When he looked up from his water Derek was still looking at him with that weird expression.

"What?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"You should change back into the sweats I loaned you. They're warmer and dryer." Derek said before clambering onto his bed and pulling out a book.

Stiles realized that the others were still in the sweats Derek had loaned them and Derek himself looked comfortable in a long sleeve shirt and stretchy jeans. Stiles looked kind of like a bum in his wrinkled, slightly dirty, damp clothes. He nodded and grabbed the clothes from his backpack without an argument. This time the bathroom was open and he pulled off his clothes, mindful of his wrist, and tugged on the warm, dry sweats. His body felt so small in the big clothes meant for the larger man. He'd lost weight since he no longer wished to eat anything. When he looked in the mirror he saw dark circles under his tired, brown eyes. His hair had gotten longer since he'd cut it a couple months ago and now hung limp on his forehead and over his ears.

He looked pathetic.

Stiles jerked away from the mirror and gathered up his strewn clothes and walked back out into the front room. He tossed his clothes towards his backpack and resumed his place on the chair at the desk. Scott and Isaac were playing some game and Derek was reading. It was dark but he guessed having werewolf sight had its perks. He laid his head down on the desk and simply got lost in his numbness like he was so used to doing. Eventually he fell into a stupor and saw nothing even though his eyes were open.

**A/N: This might not have been the most exciting chapter but it has its purposed. We've distinguished that there are two new supernatural forces in Beacon Hills once more and the wolves are stuck inside. They're also douches. Stiles was only trying to help! Derek's an ass!**

**Next chapter will have more fun in it. Boredom and the coming full moon will have the werewolves stir crazy for some action! ~hearts~**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hurray for new chapters! **

**WARNING: TRIGGERING DESCRIPTIONS OF CUTTING AND DEPRESSION!**

**Also smut soon! MALE x MALE! **

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 4**

Nobody bothered Stiles for hours. He didn't fall asleep but he wasn't fully awake either. The cuts on his wrist itched beneath the bandage and every once in a while he'd brush his cold fingers over it, feeling the coarse gauze. Sometime during his haze someone had draped a blanket over his shoulders and he gradually felt his body relax, the shivers he didn't know was wracking his body slowly died away. He suspected Derek had done it since neither Scott nor Isaac would go near his bed.

When he finally decided to move again there was a painful crick in his neck and his back had started to ache. The other three weren't anywhere to be found and he figured they must be in the kitchen since there was no way they could go outside. Derek's phone lay next to his arm and he flipped it open to check the service. Still none. Slowly he got up on aching legs and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. The cold floor made him shiver but he ignored it as he went up the stairs to see what the wolves had gotten themselves up to. All three were huddled around the grill making small talk as two of the steaks grilled and one of the chickens was waiting to be put on. They quieted when Stiles entered.

"Ah, hey Stiles! How was your nap?" Scott asked, breaking the suddenly uncomfortable silence.

"I wasn't asleep." Stiles muttered. "I can leave again if you wanted to keep talking. Sorry to intrude." He mumbled and went to take a step backwards but ended up snagging his foot in the blanket and was on his way towards the floor.

Before the other two could react Derek had darted forward and gathered Stiles' shirt in his fist, jerking him upright but the counterbalance had been too much and Stiles ended up falling right into Derek's muscled chest with an _oomph!_

"Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to." Stiles murmured over and over as he pushed at Derek's chest, trying to right himself.

"It's ok, calm down." Derek growled, shutting Stiles up.

For a moment or two it was uncomfortably quiet and still as Derek continued to hold Stiles to his chest, his arm around his waist where it had curled unconsciously to keep him on two legs. Stiles froze against Derek's chest, his hands curled in his shirt and time seemed to stop for just that moment until Scott cleared his throat and Isaac picked up the tongs to flip the sizzling meat over. Things suddenly started moving again and Derek slowly removed his arm as he steadied Stiles. His hands were so warm on Stiles' arms through the shirt they seemed to burn and brand him. The blanket had slipped down to the crook of his elbows and Derek slowly slid it back up around his shoulders.

"You can stay. We were just talking about the storm. You surprised us." He seemed calm almost nice as he handled Stiles.

Stiles sat at the table slowly as if in a daze again but it was different. His eyes tracked Derek in confusion as he moved to the stove and took over the meat once more. Scott and Isaac continued to stare back and forth between the two them then at each other before they shrugged and started dicing up the chicken and putting in the space the steak soon vacated on the pan over the grill. Stiles could see they were using the charcoal and matches he'd gotten yesterday. Well, waste not want not.

"Do you want anything?" Derek asked suddenly and Stiles jumped a little in his seat, not expecting the loud rumble of his voice.

"Uh, no, thanks. I'm not hungry."

"At least eat something. All you had was bread in butter and I can hear the emptiness in your stomach from here."

Stiles curled his arms around his stomach almost protectively and frowned.

"I just don't feel hungry. No appetite. Must be the weather." He tried to reason but Derek shook his head.

"You barely had anything in you yesterday or the day before that."

"How would you know that?"

He pointed to his ears but kept his eyes on the meat. Stiles sighed and figured he wouldn't be able to get away with not eating like he could with his dad.

"Fine. I'll just make another butter sandwich."

Scott and Derek scowled at him while Isaac took down plates from the cupboard by the sink. Stiles shrugged and looked away as if that'd get him out of the argument. There was another window above the sink and by the table but they were both hastily blocked off with blankets. There were no decorations and even the table and chairs looked temporary and cheap. All of Derek's eating utensils were plastic and he only had paper plates and plastic cups. He had real knives and a few metal kitchen wares like the tongs, a spatula, and a few pots and pans. There were two ceramic bowls and the rest were paper with wax covering. He looked ready to move at any time.

He must have gotten lost in thought because the slap of a plate in front of him brought him back down to earth. In front of him sat a butter sandwich but beside that was about five pieces of the chicken they'd just cooked. He looked up at the wolves and Derek was concentrating awfully hard on cutting up his steak while Scott and Isaac were looking back and forth between the two again. Stiles didn't argue and picked up the sandwich and took a bite. There was less butter than he'd have liked but he didn't really care. He took another bite, and then another until it had disappeared from his fingers. The chicken was good as well. Plain but good. Soon that was gone as well and he was left staring at the crumbs on the white plate.

Stiles stood and tossed the plate in the trash bin beside the counter and nodded at the werewolves. "Thanks for the food. It was good." He mumbled and they all grunted one after the order starting with Derek.

After that he plodded back downstairs and pulled his chair over to the window and peeled back the edge of the blanket beside the cold window. There was absolutely nothing to do to distract himself so he just stared out the window as the clouds continued pouring rain and for a bit he could drown himself in the noise of it instead of the silence he seemed to surround himself in. The storm had given him the company he'd wanted but there was still that emptiness. He just couldn't seem to get rid of it and he felt like he was suffocating under it. The only thing that filled it seemed to be the pain that sparked every time he ran his fingers over the new cuts.

The bandage was becoming a problem for his cuts. There were too many cuts for such a small strip of gauze and he wondered if he'd have to overlap some of the older scars with new ones. He pushed the thought away. He'd get there when he'd get there. No use dwelling on something not in the present. It just didn't seem important enough at the moment. Nothing did.

The storm distracted him for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening when the sun started setting behind the clouds, draining the light from the sky once more and leaving only cold blackness behind. The inability to see anything beyond the rain spattered window began to urk Stiles and finally he moved away from the cold window and back into the semi-warmth of the loft, making sure to replace the blanket from where he'd pulled it back. The others were also distracted doing their own thing.

Once again Derek was reading, using a small book light while Isaac was busy folding computer paper into random shapes. Scott had fallen asleep and was most likely out for the night. Stiles stared at Scott's sleeping form and wished he'd be able to sleep as effortlessly and deeply as he seemed to. Stiles watched Isaac fold paper for a while longer until Isaac got bored and decided to sleep along with Scott. After the two had been asleep for about twenty minutes Stiles sighed and wrapped the blanket even tighter around him and leaned back in the chair, getting ready for the long wait until dawn.

"If you're going to sleep come over here." Derek's voice cut through the dark and startled him.

"Ah, no. I'm not sleeping." Stiles assured him and sat back once more, relaxing as much as he could with a numb butt.

"I don't want you falling off the chair again. Just get over here." Derek commanded. Stiles was about to argue once again but Derek cut him off. "Do _not_ make me get up and get you."

With that note of finality Stiles got up and scooted his feet over to the bed before gingerly climbing atop the dark covers. He sat right atop of them and sat there instead of lying down. Derek didn't say anything more since he was on the bed and went on reading. Stiles slouched until he was able to relax a little and sat that way for the next few hours, listening to the sound of the storm and Derek's page turning. After Derek had finished more than half the book he set it down and turned off the light. He stretched and crawled under the covers.

"You going to sit like that all night? Hurry up and get under the covers so I can sleep."

Again Stiles didn't argue and crawled beneath the covers, his frozen feet finally getting some proper warmth. Tonight Stiles kept his distance from the werewolf. He didn't want to annoy him anymore than he had previously. In the comfortable embrace of downy pillows and fluffy, warm blankets Stiles unfortunately found himself slipping into sleep. The nightmare this time was different and honestly Stiles wished it was the usual nightmare over this horror.

It started off nice. There were people around him in a room he couldn't place where he'd seen before. The people were faceless, identity-less people. Stiles watched as the just milled about. There was no order in the room. Some people were sitting, others were standing or walking about but none of them were talking. Suddenly a little girl came up and grabbed his hand. When he looked down at her he saw water dripping down her face as if her entire face was crying.

A huge gash appeared where her mouth should be, just tearing open with an awful, sick sound of ripping skin.

"_Why are you doing this?"_

He stared at the girl in horror as the water turned to blood.

"_Why are you doing this?!"_ she demanded louder.

"I-I don't understand." He whispered back in horror.

The entire room stopped and turned their faceless bodies towards him. Their skin began to turn grey and the smell of rot filled the air. Suddenly the people weren't so faceless. Lydia, Scott, Allison, Derek, Deaton, Chris, Danny, Ethan, Aiden, Heather, Malia, Peter, Melissa, his dad, his mom, Scott's dad, Laura, Cora, Jackson, Gerard, Erica, Boyd, Oliver, Kira, Finstock… everyone he'd ever met, everyone he'd ever loved or hated was there. Their skin turning black as they walked or crawled towards him. They were dying. They were dead. All because of him. It was his fault.

The little girl's grip on his became nearly unbearable, crushing the bones in his fingers and he screamed. He screamed until his throat was hoarse.

"STILES!"

Derek's yell of his name cut through his consciousness and broke the dream until it shattered. Finally he wrenched his eyes open and bolted up in bed. He was shivering and his throat hurt. Tears were pouring down his face, wetting his cheeks and soaking the collar of the shirt. His hand still hurt and when he looked at it in horror, expecting the decaying girl's hand to still be crushing his fingers, he saw instead Derek's firm grip holding tight to his hand.

"Stiles." Derek's voice was calmer, quieter now that Stiles was awake. "You awake? You with me? Come on Stiles answer me."

"I-I'm awake. I'm fine. Let go." He said hoarsely, tugging on his hurting fingers.

Derek let go but leaned forward so his face was in Stiles, staring at him intently.

"What happened? What kind of nightmare was that to have you screaming?"

Stiles backed away and looked around the dark loft. He could see Scott and Isaac's wide eyes even in the dark where they were staring concerned for him from the couch.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you guys. It was just a nightmare. I get them all the time. This just seemed…worse somehow. You should go back to sleep." He said, trying for off-hand nonchalance but instead got something like desperate and panicky.

"Stiles, answer me."

Derek's voice was low, almost threatening, and Stiles shivered for a second before turning to meet his piercing glare.

"It was just a nightmare. There was a lot going on and I don't really remember. Can we just go back to sleep please?" he was starting to get anxious.

Derek stared, and stared, and stared at Stiles until he was practically writhing in his spot with discomfort. Once he was satisfied with his staring, Derek scooted back under the blankets while Isaac and Scott lay back under theirs, quietly whispering amongst themselves.

"Are you going to lie back down?" Derek asked.

Stiles swallowed noisily, a little winded still but nodded all the same. When he scooted back down the comforter and blankets were tugged up around him and he could feel the heat of Derek on his back. He froze and his heart seemed to thunder in his chest.

"It's ok. Nothing's going to hurt you." Derek murmured softly into his ear, so quiet the others couldn't have heard.

"The dark hurts." Stiles whispered his words honest for the first time in ages and it'd been on accident. He'd only spoken his mind.

Arms made him jump as they snaked around his torso and pulled him in tightly to Derek's chest. Stiles' heart hammered in his chest and he knew Derek knew as well. _He just wants to go back to sleep. That's all. He's not doing this for you. _Stiles calmed himself by pushing away any sort of meaning this action could have. If he started to hope now then the disappointment would be greater later. Finally sleep overcame the three wolves and Stiles was left awake but warm in the odd comfort of Derek's arms. Stiles didn't sleep after that but he didn't fall into a trance-like haze either. The hours actually seemed to feel like hours, passing by a minute at a time. The steady breath on his neck kept him distracted and he passed the night focusing on each breath and each movement of the rise of fall of Derek's chest on his back. In the morning the storm broke just a little and the early morning sun burst through the heavy clouds.

"You guys. I just realized that the full moon is this week." Scott said at breakfast that morning.

Everyone looked at him as if he'd just said something really dumb.

"Uh yeah, we know. We kind of have to keep track of that, being werewolves and all." Isaac said, the _duh_ at the end of his sentence silent but implied.

Stiles munched on his scrambled eggs as he stared out the window next to the table. They'd thrown back the blanket to look at the sun that peaked through a couple gaps in the clouds. It was already day three of the storm and the wolves were absolutely stir-crazy. Even Derek seemed restless as he busied himself with cooking and tidying up.

"We should go out today. Run around and get all the pent up energy out while we still can. The storm is finally calm enough to let us outside." Scott said once he'd joined them and stared out the window with Stiles.

"Yeah. That's a good idea." Derek agreed and shoved an enormous bite of eggs and bacon into his mouth.

With plans set they finished breakfast quickly and went downstairs to tug on their sweaters and sneakers before running out the door. Stiles was second to last since Derek had to lock the door.

"Are we driving anywhere or just walking?" he asked.

"Walking. It's better to get the energy out while the sun's still shining."

Stiles nodded and plodded down after the hurried group. He found them waiting in the sun outside the parking structure and once he caught up Scott and Isaac took off running and whooping in the slight sprinkle. There were massive puddles everywhere that they had to avoid since it was too cold to splash through them. Derek walked along side Stiles silently. Stiles knew it was simply because he couldn't keep up with the three of them.

"Why don't you go run with them? I'll be fine. I'll walk the road towards the store and if the storm returns I'll turn back." Stiles reassured him and Derek gave him a curt but eager nod as he ran after the other two with vigor.

The air was frigid, biting at Stiles through the layers of clothes. His breath clouded the air in front of him as he walked over the slightly slick sidewalk. He could no longer hear or see the others but he didn't mind. It was finally quiet except for the slight sound of the still sprinkling rain around him. A warm patch of sun lit his back and he shivered at the warmth as he continued walking. It reminded him of the heat of Derek's body last night against his back and this time he shivered from the memory. Again he had to remind himself that it wasn't for him that Derek had done that, it was because he needed to sleep and Stiles was too obnoxious and kept waking him up with his stupid nightmares. Stiles sighed and focused on his walk.

The wind picked up after forty minutes of slow walking but the sun was still bravely poking through the clouds so Stiles didn't turn back yet. This stretch of road was mostly empty, trees on both sides. Stiles slogged through the water on the ground and stared ahead, getting lost in thought, wondering where the others could have gone but tossed that thought aside, knowing they were safe. After a while he stopped thinking and just walked mindlessly forward. He had no idea how far he'd gone or how far he still had to go until he reached the store and turned back. Yet, he was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice that the rain had picked up as well. All he knew was that the sun was still shining so he was still going to move forward.

The wind whistled in his ears and he hunched down into his jacket to give himself some more warmth but it did little to help. His hands were stuffed in his pockets but they were still frozen. His toes inside his shoes were wet and cold and his legs even seemed absolutely chilled. There wasn't a single place on Stiles that wasn't cold. His body, his mind, his heart, all frozen. He reached the end of the straight away and the road curved but he stopped at the corner. He didn't want to keep walking. He was tired and cold. When he looked up again he saw very little sun and realized the storm was almost back in full swing. He'd missed the entire pick up of the storm. Cold realization settled into him and he quickly turned back, facing directly into the storm and slowly began the difficult way back.

After only ten minutes his face was stinging with numbness and the barrage of rain needles. He hated the cold. It seemed to penetrate everywhere and he could never warm up all the way. A hidden patch of slick ice surprised him as he slid right on it. His arms flailed, trying to get out of his pockets and only managed to free the left one with which he caught himself on. The bandage was ripped off as he skid and he jolted as pain tore through him. When he looked down he saw bright red being rinsed away by the cold rain. His wrist seeped blood as all his new cuts tore open once again and even an old one had split a little. He had nothing to wrap it in now that the bandage had been washed away by the rushing rain.

"Just what I needed." He mumbled to himself and slowly got to his feet.

He was soaked and miserable as he made his way back, slower and more carefully this time. His warm blood was trickling off his fingertips and he held it away from him to keep the blood off as much as possible. There was no telling how long he'd been walking. The straight road was coming to an end as he made his way back but there was still a ways to go. He hadn't realized how far he'd really gotten. The sun was completely gone now and the ominous clouds hung over head and rained down upon him and the entire city mercilessly. Stile wanted to cry but he just couldn't. He was too cold and too tired to waste any more effort.

"Stiles!"

The wind carried his name on it and for a second he thought he'd hallucinated.

"Stiles!"

There it was again, this time louder. He definitely wasn't imagining it. Was he? He held up his right hand to shield his eyes from the rain and looked around franticly, searching for the source of the sound.

"Stiles! Over here!"

He turned to his right, looking into the trees across the road but saw nothing but rain and blurry trees. Then he turned to the left, looking into those trees but still it was too blurry to really see anything.

"Stiles! Over here! To your left!"

He looked all over to his left. Looking back the way he came then scanning forward until he saw a hazy figure making its way towards him. Slowly he began to move forward again, not realizing he'd stopped and walked towards the figure. He knew that voice.

"Stiles! Hurry!"

He tried to pick up the pace but his foot slid a little so he went back to the slow, careful slide he'd begun earlier. Inch by inch the figure moved closer until he was standing toe to toe with Derek. They were both soaked and miserable.

"I thought you said you were going to head back once it got bad! We went back but you weren't there!" he shouted over the storm.

"Sorry! I went too far and when the storm hit again I wasn't ready for it! It's hard walking through this!" he shouted back.

Derek's face was near his so they could hear each other so Stiles could see when his expression stiffened and his nose flared. Quickly Derek began looking him over, his expression severe.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

Stiles yanked away from him and tried to pull his arm behind his body but Derek caught the movement. Quickly, with strength and speed Stiles couldn't match, Derek pulled his arm back in front of his body and held it up, taking in the sight of Stiles' bloodied wrist. The shock on his face was evident. It quickly turned to rage and Stiles suddenly found himself being tugged off the sidewalk and into the forest where the leaves of the trees canopied over them to shield them from some of the storm. It was slightly quieter but still quiet loud. Derek pulled Stiles forward despite his half formed protests that died on his lips when he saw the absolute fury in Derek's glare. Derek shoved him against a tree and held him there.

"What the hell is this?" he hissed out furiously as he held Stiles' wrist up to his face.

"Um…" Stiles didn't even have an excuse.

"Why would you do this?! What sort of sick, twisted game do you think you're playing here?!" Derek yelled at him, shaking his arm harshly.

Stiles grit his teeth on the pain he felt, both in his wrist and in his chest. He said nothing.

"Why Stiles?! Answer me!" Derek yelled right in his face, so close the warmth of his breath washed over Stiles cheek.

Stiles stared at Derek sullenly; finally letting the pain he felt show on his face. Why hide it anymore when it had been so thoroughly exposed. Finally the tears he'd kept inside slipped past his eyes and down his cheeks, flowing uninterrupted. Derek stared at him, the look on his face transforming from absolute anger to confusion to surprise to concern.

"Stiles, whoa, take it easy. What's wrong?"

The gentleness in his voice made Stiles heave a shuddering sob and he tossed his head back against the tree, feeling the rough bark against his scalp. His cries weren't loud but it was enough. Derek let go and he fell, his knees giving way as he let his anguish out. Before he could fall to the ground Derek's arms were there, his body was there, supporting him and carrying him since he had completely given up on holding himself up. His silent sobs seemed to break through whatever shock Derek had been in.

"What is this?" The question was softly spoken, more of a comfort than a real question. "What made this happen?"

Stiles shook his head slightly and he felt his body slowly hefted into strong arms and he just let himself be carried in Derek's arms as if a child through the woods. Once they'd cleared the forestry the cold, raging storm hit them full force once more and Stiles leaned up from Derek's shoulder.

"Don't tell Scott or Isaac. Please." He whispered and felt the arms around him tighten.

Derek wasn't an emotional guy but feeling the pain and anguish and clouded emotions pouring out of Stiles made him feel like he was dying. He hadn't felt this since his family died and he'd wondered why he'd survived but not them. It made him wonder what had driven Stiles to this point and how he'd kept it a secret for so long. Those tracks on his arms where already scarred or were scarring over. Yet there were new ones too that smelled only a day old. That meant that he'd managed to cut himself while at Derek's place as well.

Derek growled as he realized he hadn't been able to protect Stiles, his human pack mate. He'd had no clue that he'd been hurting. Sure he'd noticed the odd behavior, the not eating, the nightmares and the strange dazes he went into but he'd thought it was simply because of the storm.

"I yelled at him too." He seethed aloud and felt horror wash through him.

Stiles didn't hear what Derek had said but felt him pick up speed as his arms tightened around him some more. They were close to his loft now, the strength of the werewolf much greater than his own meager, human strength. When they were in the parking structure Stiles moved, pushing against Derek's chest to make him let go. His tears had been forced to a stop and now the feeling of emptiness and exhaustion washed through him.

"Let me go." He mumbled against Derek's shoulder.

"No. I'm not letting you go." He growled into Stiles' ear.

"The others will wonder why you're carrying me."

"I'll just tell them you're tired." He reasoned and stubbornly kept hold of Stiles as he clomped up the stairs.

Derek wrenched the door open with one hand while he held Stiles with the other. The other two whined at them as they stepped inside and Isaac shut the door behind them. Questions flew from the two before they'd made it four steps inside.

"What happened?"

"Where was he?"

"Is he ok? What's wrong with him?"

"Why are you carrying him?"

They ignored the both of them and Derek carried Stiles into the bathroom and shut the door in the other two's faces. Finally he set Stiles down on the closed toilet lid and knelt beside him, opening the cabinet beneath the sink.

"Isaac grab two pairs of sweats and two thick shirts." He called as he pulled out the first aid kit from the back of the sink.

There were hurried footsteps and after a bit a knock on the door. Derek left the open kit on the counter and yanked the door open a crack before pulling the clothes inside and locking the door. Stiles felt just a tad bit grateful that Derek was keeping this a secret for him.

"I can do this myself." He said, his voice cold and blank.

Derek flinched at his tone and shook his head sharply.

"No. I'm partly to blame for this." He growled and tore off the backing to a large Band-Aid that could cover all of his track marks easily.

"No you're not. I am. I did this to myself." Stiles whispered and looked at the door where the others were undoubtedly gathered, their ears pressed to the door and holding their breath to hear what was going on.

Derek went to the tub and plugged the drain before wrenching the handle onto the hottest setting and the sound of running water blasted through the silence.

"Take your clothes off. You need to warm yourself up."

Stiles just stared at him like he'd said something absolutely bonkers. "Um, I'm not taking my clothes off with you in here."

"It's not like I haven't seen a naked male before. Now hurry up and get out of those wet clothes or you'll catch a cold."

"What about you? You're still in wet clothes." Stiles argued.

"I'm a werewolf, I won't get sick. Now, either you take your clothes off yourself or I'll take them off for you." Derek threatened and Stiles' eyes went wide.

"Fine, fine. I'll take my damn clothes off." He mumbled and began pulling his layers off.

His wrist hadn't been bandaged yet so he carefully removed all three shirts and began tugging off the jeans and then the sweatpants he'd put on to try and keep himself warm. His feet were rid of the two pairs of socks and finally he stood there naked. He hadn't put his boxers on since they were dirty and stiff and would've been completely uncomfortable to wear. Feeling indignant he covered his junk with his hands and stood there awkwardly while Derek adjusted the temperature of the water in the bath so it didn't scald him when he got in. When he turned back to Stiles he barely batted an eye at his pale nakedness.

"You've gotten thinner." Derek mumbled and got the antibiotic salve out of the kit and smeared it over the bandage. "Hold out your arm."

Stiles did as he was told while keeping his other hand firmly over his junk and let Derek wrap the water-proof bandage snuggly around his wrist. Once it was all smoothed out Derek began putting the kit away.

"Why do you have a first aid kit when you heal ridiculously fast?"

"After the fights with the Alphas I realized it might be a smart idea to keep one around just in case the wounds didn't heal as fast just like when I'd gotten hurt before."

"Oh. Ok." It made sense.

Derek looked at him quickly, giving him a questioning glance before shrugging and checking the temperature of the water. He flicked the water off his fingers and turned the water off. The silence weighed heavily in Stiles ears and he felt a bit of panic seep in once more. Derek felt it run through the air and put a gentle, warm hand on Stiles arm, pulling him towards the tub.

"It's alright. Come on, get in." he said calmly as if talking to a pup.

Stiles nodded and swallowed thickly as he carefully put one foot in and then the next. The water was so warm at first that Stiles felt like his frozen skin was burning off but once he sat down and his body adjusted to the temperature change he shivered at the comforting warmth. Derek handed him a washcloth which he took and covered his waist so his hands would be free.

"Thanks." He said quietly after a few minutes of silence.

Derek gave him a long look before slowly nodding. Stiles didn't know exactly how to feel. Derek was being so nice to him and he didn't have any excuses to give himself to explain it. There wasn't any benefit for Derek in helping him.

"Um, can I ask a question?" he asked tentatively.

He looked up from staring at the rippling surface of the water to catch Derek's nod.

"Well, why…why are you helping me? Don't you hate me?"

Derek looked completely taken aback as if Stiles' words had slightly wounded him. It took him a bit before answering.

"Why _wouldn't_ I help you? I'm not completely heartless and unfeeling. I can physically feel the pain you're feeling right now. I absolutely hate that I didn't notice it before. You were right here for so long and I didn't even notice. Why Stiles? Why are you like this?"

Stiles shrunk at the question and Derek quickly set one hand on the back of his neck in a soothing, gentle hold.

"No, no. I'm not mad at you. Well, I'm not _that_ mad at you. I'm only mad because you didn't tell me. You didn't even tell Scott and he's your best friend."

Stiles sent the door a scared look but Derek shook his head. "They've given us some privacy and are up in the kitchen."

Stiles nodded and looked back down at his twiddling thumbs beneath the water.

"You guys didn't need me anymore." Stiles said before looking back up in pain at Derek's face.

"What do you mean?"

Stiles gave him a sad smile and shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

They sat there in silence. Derek had no idea what to say to that. He wasn't good at comforting or interrogating without hurting someone and right now Stiles needed to be handled delicately. So they didn't say anything more. After a bit of warming up Derek took the shampoo and conditioner bottle and drizzled some into his hand and ran it through Stiles' disheveled hair and lathered and cleaned him up. He let Stiles soap himself and after he was clean and rinsed he held out a towel.

"I'll let you tell me when you want to but from now on I'm not letting you out of my sight." Derek said sternly and saw Stiles give him a small, sad look that seemed to make his heart physically ache.

"If that's what you want." Stiles whispers.

**A/N: A sad chapter! There was no smut in this chapter but there might be within the next two chapters! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and hope to see you in the next one!**

**I'm tired so I'm going to sleep. ~hearts~**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So, this chapter is a little more…actiony… Also! Thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much for the reviews and the follows and favorites. I is a happiness. To all those who review, you guys give me the absolute best ideas so keep 'em comin! (you know…only if you want to…I mean…you don't HAVE to but they are HIGHLY suggested…you know…so yeah. Review maybe?) THANK YOU!**

**WARNINGS!: TRIGGERING DESCRIPTIONS OF CUTTING AND DEPRESSION. Also, A Teensy Weensy Bit Of Smut! Deal wit' it!**

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 5**

Isaac and Scott were waiting outside the bathroom when Stiles and Derek stepped out again. They were both clothed in the sweats Isaac had retrieved for them and carrying the cold, wet ones in their arms. Changing had been a bit awkward and the both of them had turned their back so they could mostly ignore that they were both naked in close proximity to one another. The rambunctious little pups seemed to writhe with unbridled energy around them but chose to stay close but quiet. Stiles new they were dying to ask what had happened but he ignored them and followed Derek over to the laundry pile and dumped his clothes.

"Are you hungry?" Derek asked as he headed towards the stairs.

"Nah, I'm good. Just tired."

"You should sleep." Derek said but then Stiles gave him a '_you've got to be kidding me_' look and he nodded. "Right. I'll make some lunch. Scott, Isaac, did you two eat yet?"

"No, we were waiting for you two. Stiles, you sure you don't want anything? I can make you some grilled cheese! Do we have cheese Derek?" Isaac offered.

"I don't know. It might be under the meat in the back of the freezer if we do."

Stiles watched Isaac look at him with hopeful eyes and sighed. "Fine. Just a small one though. I don't need any double-decker, super stuffed sandwich." He said, his eyes on Scott who gave him a sheepish smile.

"Ok! I'll go make you one!" Isaac bounded up the stairs and disappeared behind Derek.

Scott stayed down there and sat with Stiles when he took his usual chair over to the window again.

"What happened out there man? You looked like crap when Derek carried you in here. Are you hurt?"

Stiles gave him as much of a reassuring smile as he could muster. "I just got lost man and my joints were freezing up something bad. I couldn't have made it up those stairs. I'm fine really."

Scott stared at him with suspicion. "You sure? You've been super quiet and you haven't been eating. And what was that last night? Another nightmare right?"

"Ah, yeah man. It was just so weird it scared the crap outta me. Trust me though, it's totally fine. Doesn't happen too often. It's probably just 'cause of the storm." He lied as easily as he breathed and he felt a pang of guilt flood through him before he squashed it just in case Scott could sense it.

"Yeah man. The storm is way crazy! It's put my wolf completely on edge! Also I checked the phone earlier and there was a slight signal during the dead point in the storm. I called Lydia and Allison to tell them about what we thought and had just hung up before the signal cut out again."

"Ok, so the girls are working on it. That's good. They have more resources than we do at the moment. Now we just have to wait until the next dead point in the storm and call them or go visit them to get all the facts." Stiles said, grateful for the conversation change. "Does Derek know?"

Scott nodded and looked up towards the stairs where the other two's voices could be heard talking softly amongst them.

"Go join them. I'm gonna think more on our options about this storm ok?"

Scott nodded maybe a little too eagerly and took off up the stairs. Stiles watched him go and felt the little part of him that might have woken up fall back into the emptiness. Being alone did that to him but he'd rather be alone than with someone who didn't want to be with him. That just made the pain unbearable.

"Hey Stiles!" Isaac's head popped around the corner and stared at him over the railing. "You want me to cut it into squares or triangles?"

"Uh, triangles."

"Ok!"

Stiles turned back to the window and tried to school his expression into a slightly happier one instead of the empty mask he seemed to have donned. When Isaac bounced down the stairs with a plate in hand he managed a small smile that pulled at the edges of his lips. Once the plate was set in front of him he was able to drop the smile and cover it up with a bite of golden brown grilled cheese. Isaac was watching him expectantly.

"It's really good. Thanks Isaac."

Isaac let out a bright, genuine smile and nodded happily. "Good! Glad you like it!" he said and ran back up the stairs.

Stiles ate slowly and felt the warm food fill his stomach. Now he was thirsty but didn't want to make the effort to go grab a water bottle so he simply pushed the empty plate away and sat there, staring at it until it suddenly disappeared from the desk top. Looking up quickly his eyes met Derek's green ones before he turned away.

"Need anything?" Derek whispered and Stiles was reminded of his dad and he let a small smile grace his lips.

"Actually, could I have some water?"

"Yeah."

He'd never needed anything from his dad but now he needed something from Derek. Stiles shook his head at the strange circumstances he'd been thrown into. The cold water bottle was placed in his hand and he nodded his head.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

That was the extent of his conversations for the rest of the evening. They asked him around dinner time if he wanted anything but he just shook his head, saying he was still full from lunch. Scott gave him another strange look but just shrugged it off and clambered up the steps. Night fell slowly, time dragging on and on. There was nothing to do and nothing to keep his mind busy so Stiles just stared out the window like the night before until the darkness began giving him that creepy feeling and he patted the blanket back into place over the window. Scott and Isaac had had several wrestling matches and had decided to have a work out contest, seeing who could do the most sit-ups or push-ups until they were finally all tuckered out. Scott had won just barely and was currently gloating over it where they sprawled on the couch. Derek had started a new book and was already a good portion into it by the time Stiles moved away from the window. He looked up at the movement and when he caught Stiles' eye patted the bed next to him.

"What books are you reading?" Stiles asked as he sat on the bed.

"Just finished 'Of Mice and Men'. Now I'm reading 'A Brave New World'." He said and showed Stiles the front cover.

"Classics. Nice. Didn't really take you for a literature guy."

Derek nodded and pulled the book back in front of his face, shining the book light down at it since the loft was cloaked in darkness once more. Stiles sat back against the pillows and pulled his feet up so he could wrap his arms around his knees. He was comfortable like that for a long while. Scott clicked on a flashlight sometime later and began looking through the origami Isaac had been doing the nights before and was awed over several of the more intricate ones. Stiles sighed quietly and pulled the blanket around his shoulders even tighter.

Eventually, several hours into the dark hours of the night both lights had gone out and Derek settled down under the covers, pulling them out for Stiles as well. Isaac and Scott had settled in maybe twenty minutes before and were already sound asleep. Stiles pulled the blanket already around his shoulders over his body before sliding into the bed and lying with his back towards Derek. The blankets were tugged up around him before the bed bounced and Derek's back settled against his. Stiles pushed back slightly to get more heat and sighed against the pillow.

Sweat poured over his back as he jolted awake. He didn't even remember falling asleep. His mind was in chaos and his heart felt like it was going to explode. Stiles remembered nothing of his nightmare, only the remaining horror and fear and madness that had gripped him so very tightly. Behind him Derek's even breath signaled he hadn't woken him and he slowly clambered out of the bed. Despite being under the warm covers and next to a warm body Stiles was freezing. He shivered as he made his way over to his backpack silently and drew out the cutter. Swiftly he scuttled to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He flicked on the light and leaned over the sink.

"Just make it go away. Make it better. Just a little bit." He whispered to the glinting blade and peeled the bandage away from his skin.

The cuts from before were all closed and scabbing over. There wasn't enough pain to keep the empty madness away and Stiles felt like he was drowning once more. Putting the cold blade to his clammy skin he pulled the blade through the flesh and sighed in absolute relief when the panic subsided a bit. Another swipe had his breathing back to normal and once more calmed the dwindling chaos within him. It made him feel. It made him whole again and he stayed there, leaning over the sink and letting his blood flow until his heart was steady and he could breathe easy.

Quickly he turned the nozzle on the sink and water gushed forth. The noise startled him and he shut it off just as fast as he turned it on. It then dawned on him that he'd taken a bath earlier and that the water was working again. He shuffled that bit of information away in the back of his mind to remind himself later and slowly turned the tap back on, quieter this time. A small drizzle of water helped him clean the blood off of himself and the cutter. He knew the others would still be able to smell the blood so he rewrapped the bandage on his arm before looting around under the sink and pulling out the hydrogen peroxide from the first aid kit and poured just a little down the sink before putting it back.

With his mess now cleaned up and feeling better than he had all day, Stiles turned out the light and waited until a portion of his night vision returned and he made his way out of the bathroom and over to his backpack to put his knife away. Everything was still as he climbed back onto the bed and for a moment he thought he'd gotten away with it but then the bed shifted and he knew Derek was awake. Stiles could pretend he didn't know though and not say anything and hope Derek would just go back asleep. But it was a vein hope. Derek turned over and scoot up close behind Stiles so his mouth was right next to his ear and his chest was against his back.

"You did it again didn't you?" Derek whispered into his ear and snaked his arm under Stiles' side and down his arm to grasp ahold of his wrist below the bandage.

Stiles shivered at his warm breath against his sensitive skin and remained silent for a bit before nodding.

"Sorry."

Derek sighed against his shoulder and pulled him with both arms until he rest completely against his body.

"Why do you do it? Can you tell me that much? What does it do for you?"

Stiles was silent again for many heartbeats before opening his mouth and whispering into the silent air, "It makes me feel."

"Feel? What do you mean? Can't you feel this?" Derek asked and gave Stiles' body a slight squeeze closer to his.

"I mean inside. I'm…empty. I can't explain it right. Doing this makes it feel like I can breathe again." He whispered and hunched in on himself a bit as if ashamed.

Derek rubbed his stubbly chin over Stiles shoulder as he thought about Stiles' answer. What could he say? Should he ask him to stop? Would that do any good? But as he took in Stiles' shivering body he decided against it. Stiles never did anything without good reason, especially nothing as serious as this. Maybe he could convince him of different options though. But, what other options were there to make him _feel_ as he'd put it.

"What can I do?" he asked.

"Just don't tell the others." Stiles whispered and grasped ahold of Derek's hand with his other where it was still gripped around his wrist.

"What does cutting yourself make you feel?" he asked slowly, not sure if the question was too invasive.

"It…makes me feel…alive. Like when I used to be useful to you guys. It reminded me of the times I'd get hurt for your sake and it just felt…right. I was so useless for so long and unneeded that I fell apart. Being alone like that…no one ever there, no one to talk to…it destroyed me. I can't even…"

Derek felt Stiles' whole body shudder and buried his face in Stiles' shoulder, shushing him as he felt the nonstop shiver. He just held him like that, not knowing what else to do. Was it just the emotional things he couldn't feel anymore? Did that include physical like when he didn't know he was hungry or refused sleep even though he was tired? Maybe familiar touches could help just like it did with wolves.

Thinking long and hard, Derek finally lifted his other arm on top of Stiles and slowly drew his hand down the length of his right arm and back up once he'd gotten to his knuckles. Again he dragged his fingers across the thin arm, mapping out any moles or scars he had beneath the shirt. Slowly Stiles stopped shaking and finally lay still in his arms. He wasn't asleep but at least he was calmer.

"Will you sleep again?"

Derek felt Stiles shake his head and sighed against his shoulder.

"I'll stay right here. I won't let you go." He whispered and felt Stiles shudder again but there wasn't the cold chill on his skin like before.

Stiles' arm felt like lines of fire were being drawn across it from the heat of Derek's fingers and sighed. He hadn't felt an actual touch like this in ages. He finally allowed himself to relax into Derek which seemed to encourage him. His fingers got bolder and as he drew his fingers back from his knuckles, the tips of his fingers caught the hem of the sleeve and slipped over to draw across his unblemished wrist. Stiles didn't know what it meant so he just let it be. Derek changed his petting path once he reached his shoulder and drew his fingers lightly down Stiles' side and back up.

"Is this ok?"

Stiles nodded and that was all the encouragement Derek needed. He laid the flat of his palm against Stiles side and slid his hand along the shirt back up to his shoulder and back down again. The shirt hitched up a bit on his hip bone and on the next slide down Derek's fingers brushed the bare skin of Stiles' hip. There was a sudden intake of breath between Stiles' lips and Derek stilled.

"You ok?"

"Yeah." Stiles said his throat thick.

He didn't know exactly what was going on or what exactly he was feeling but it was definitely different from the usual numbness. It was something he hadn't felt in months. The slide of Derek's palm continued up and down his side, his hot fingertips brushing his pale skin every time he reached the hem of the shirt. The little touches sent fire through Stiles in a way he didn't understand. Was this a new form of chaos? It certainly wasn't calmness.

Stiles felt his heart thunder in his chest as Derek's hand lingered on the exposed skin every now and again. Derek could hear Stiles' heart rate increase every time their skin touched and took that as a good thing, doing it more often. Slowly, when he reached bare skin once more he slid his fingers beneath the edge of the shirt and rubbed soothing circles onto the skin there.

"Still ok?"

Stiles' nod was immediate and Derek slid his hand further along his bare skin, over to his stomach and back again before running his hand back up his side and along his ribs, pulling the shirt with it. Stiles felt his breath hitch as Derek touched more skin. He was so confused but the amazement that he wasn't panicking or fading into an empty daze kept him from backing away or protesting. In fact he felt absolutely no desire to stop.

Derek pet him like that, his hand lightly running over Stiles' skin until it was completely warmed. He ran his hand over his stomach and up his side, over his ribs and back down his hip before doing it again. Stiles was breathing a little heavily but he took that as a good thing. He was responding to what he was doing and he sensed no negative feelings at all. There was confusion but that wasn't at all bad. Feeling him relax even further against him he pulled his palm up and over Stiles' chest and suddenly felt his heart sky rocket. He paused, stilling his hand and his body completely.

"What's the matter?" he asked slowly, not letting his voice become anything but soothing as a mother wolf would her cub.

"Wh-…uh…what are you doing exactly?" Stiles' voice was strained but still there was no unpleasantness.

"Soothing you. Touching usually helps us calm down. I didn't know what else to do. Are you ok with that?"

"Uh…yeah. I just…uh…" Stiles trailed off, not quite sure how to explain his quite sudden predicament. He wasn't even quite sure when it'd happened.

Stiles guessed his body just wasn't used to touching and after many weeks of neglect he felt himself respond in an entirely different way than he was sure was intended.

"I'll just…um…bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom." His voiced wavered and cracked a little at the end as he pulled on Derek's arm around his wrist and started kicking at the sheets, trying to get up.

Derek held on firmly, not letting go for anything.

"No way. You were just in there and I do not want you alone right now." He growled into his neck and Stiles sucked in a breath at the feeling of Derek's lips moving against his skin ever so slightly.

"No dude, that's not what I meant. I just _really_ need to go right now. Like _right _now!" Stiles groaned out and let go of Derek's hand to press the flat of his palm down hard against his growing 'problem'.

"What do you…oh." Derek said simply as he realized that his soothing had elicited another unexpected reaction. "Does this make you hard?" he asked bluntly and rubbed his thumb in a circle beneath his shirt on his chest.

Stiles hissed and started wriggling again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Please let me go. I'll sleep on the floor." His voice was becoming desperate again.

The need to get away from and move closer to Derek was so strong and confusing Stiles felt like he was being yanked in two different directions. Derek still held on to him and was quiet for just enough time that Stiles thought that he was mad and disgusted with him for sure.

"I'm sorry." He whispered again and started struggling in earnest.

Derek realized he hadn't said anything as he felt himself swell with pride at the thought that he'd been able to make Stiles _feel_. When he registered what was being said he pressed his hand firmly to his chest.

"No. You're not going anywhere. Don't be sorry." He growled at him.

"B-but…I'm…my…I didn't mean to. Just let me take care of it." He whispered urgently.

"Here. Take care of it right here."

Stiles stilled in surprise and confusion. Had Derek seriously just told him to masturbate right there, in his bed, while he was holding him? That didn't sound right. Was Derek really that tired? He had to be! This was just crazy.

"You don't know what you're saying! You're just tired. Let me go!"

"I know exactly what I'm saying. Now either you take care of it or I will."

Stiles felt Derek's words jolt though him straight into his groin and groaned, unfamiliar with the feeling. It'd been way too long since he'd jerked off and never had he jerked off in front of anyone. Then he stilled as the fact that he was aroused instead of hollow like he'd expecting. Slowly he tilted his head towards the ceiling and was silent as he thought about that for a bit longer.

"You think this'll help me?" he whispered slowly.

Derek breathed against his neck and sighed. "I'm not sure. I wasn't expecting this but…maybe. If this gets you back to the Stiles I know then I'm willing to do it. Are you?"

Stiles shivered once again and reached his hand down past Derek's arm where it was still under his shirt and once again pressed his palm against the tent in his sweats. Slowly he ran his fingers along the underside of his erect cock and gave a little whimper.

"Please don't hate me." He whispered.

Stiles let his fingers slide into the elastic band of the sweats and slid down his happy trail into the thick curls at the base of his cock where he grabbed it firmly. Derek could smell the arousal coming off of him in waves and shifted back a little just in case it affected him too and held onto Stiles as he began pleasuring himself. Stiles' back arched a bit off the bed into Derek's hand and he began to slide his hand up and down his chest. Stiles gave a small whimper when Derek's thumb caught on a pert nipple and his hand sped up in his pants. Derek did it again and relished in the same agonized whimper that came from Stiles' throat.

Stiles felt the pleasure building at the base of his spine and new he was going to cum soon. "T-tissue." He gasped as quietly as he could.

He groaned when Derek's hand left him and part of his chest as well as he turned to the other side of the bed to grab a wad of tissues from the box and slid them down Stiles' arm until his hand could grab them and he was stuffing it into his pants. Stiles' whole body suddenly tensed up and he bit his lips hard to keep the high pitched moan from breaking through and came thickly into the wad of tissues. His breath came fast as he panted in bliss. He hadn't felt pleasure in so long it felt like it was his first time orgasming again. Slowly he felt himself lowering from his cloud of bliss and quickly cleaned up his softened cock before withdrawing the messy tissues.

"Um…" Stiles hummed awkwardly as he looked over the edge of the bed on his side for the trash can.

"Hold on." Derek said and leaned back over to his side and pulled the small trash can over and let Stiles throw the wad away.

Derek set it back down and reached over to readjust Stiles' shirt and settle against his back once more, his hips carefully kept at bay. Stiles was completely relaxed in his arm and he suddenly felt very good about how this turned out. There might be some awkwardness in the morning but he'd deal with that when it came.

"Thanks." Stiles mumbled and Derek grunted before yawning into his back. "Go to sleep."

"You too. I'm sure you can now."

Stiles almost smiled. Almost. The thought crossed his mind before he just decided to close his eyes. And Derek was right. He could sleep and he did. He slept for a solid six hours in Derek's arms without a single dream until the bed shifted and Derek's yawn woke him from his unexpected slumber. Peering through blurry eyes he looked over towards the couch and saw that Isaac and Scott were still asleep and thanked all that was good for small miracles.

"Derek." He said, his voice still slightly hoarse from sleep.

"Shh. Later." Derek mumbled and stretched.

Stiles just nodded and slowly sat up to rub his bleary eyes of sleep. His wrist gave a twinge and he absently rubbed at it as his mind ran over the things from last night. He felt slightly awkward, a bit afraid, totally confused, but mostly he felt…relieved? He wasn't sure. But whatever had happened last night a little bit had lingered and he felt more alive than he had in a long time.

"Water's on by the way." He said as Derek stood up.

Derek looked at him as he thought about that for a second. "Oh yeah. The bath was running yesterday. Didn't even realize it."

"Same."

Derek walked to the bathroom and quietly shut it, leaving Stiles in the silence of the storming morning. Looking out the window he saw the same dark clouds still spitting rain and hail down at them and sighed. He wished the storm would just let up already. He needed to get home to his dad and Scott and Isaac had to get back to Melissa and he was sure Derek wanted his peace and quiet back. Quickly he checked Derek's cell phone that was still on the table and saw that the battery was running low and there was still no signal. Derek came back out of the bathroom looking annoyed.

"Well, I guess whatever water we'd had yesterday was just the back-up supply because there is absolutely no more. Turns out there was also a back-up power supply somewhere because that's what the heater in the tub works with and we used that too." Derek sighed and plopped down on his bed.

"Sorry 'bout that." Stiles said quietly and Derek jerked his head up to look at him.

"No no, I'm not blaming you. It's just a little frustrating 'cause I didn't know. I'm not at all prepared for this storm and it's…"

"Frustrating." Stiles repeated Derek's earlier word and he nodded.

"Very. Now, let's get breakfast started before those two start bugging us when they wake up."

Stiles nodded and put down the phone he was still holding and followed Derek up the stairs. Today was the best day in a long while so far. Maybe, just maybe it would stay like this… Maybe?

**A/N: Well, there was just a tiiiiiny, miniscule amount of smut in this chapter. Things haven't quite developed between Stiles and Derek but they're getting there! **

**Sleepy time. Zzzz ~hearts~**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Well, today was my birthday…yay me. I guess since I'm posting this in the early morning it's the day after my birthday. ~sigh~ whatever. It was a kinda sucky birthday so…yeah! Hurray for a new chapter!**

**WARNING: TRIGGERING DESCRIPTIONS OF CUTTING AND DEPRESSION! Also SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER! Male X Male!**

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 6**

The kitchen was the warmest place in the house at the moment and all four of them were huddled in there as the weather suddenly got colder. When Scott and Isaac had woken up they'd looked out the window to see what was in store for today and saw a blanket of white across the window. They'd run up the stairs yelling about the apocalypse. Evidently that'd been the topic before they'd slept last night and they'd predicted the future. Stiles had watched as Derek bonked them both on the head with the back of the spatula he was holding and looked at the window as he told them to shut up and calm down. Peeling back the edge of the blanket he was indeed met with a storming wall of white. Now they were wrapped in a bunch of blankets sitting around the stove that was still blazing even though food wasn't cooking.

"The storm's not going away. You think we'll actually have to go out and get to Allison's in order to get information?" Scott asked.

Derek shook his head. "We can't go out in this. We'd get lost or hurt and I can't have any of you doing that."

Isaac nodded but didn't say anything, just huddling closer to the warmth. Stiles looked around at the three of them and sighed. There wasn't a lot of food left. The meat was almost gone and he'd been eating the bread. There was still cereal and some eggs but not a lot. If this storm kept going then they'd be eaten out of the house.

"Maybe if we went through the alleys between the houses as a group we'd be able to keep warm together and we'd be able to make it to Allison's or Lydia's in a couple hours." Stiles supplied an option since there was no way this was going to get better. "We have no signal and I don't know if my Jeep would be able to withstand the wind."

They were silent as they thought about this. Derek was the first to say something.

"Or we could take your Jeep as far as it can go then go the rest of the way on foot. Your Jeep can fit four right?"

"Uh, maybe if someone squeezed in the back."

The werewolves looked at each other and nodded as if coming to an unspoken agreement.

"Ok. Stiles give me your keys. Isaac get all of the sweats and blankets you and I own and pile them on the couch. We need to get to one of the girls' houses. Who's closest?"

Stiles watched as they bounced up from their seats while Scott confirmed that Lydia lived closer. Derek would get his keys whether he wanted him to or not so he just stayed where he was. After a bit Derek came back up wearing layers and layers of clothes and a blanket that was wrapped around his shoulders.

"Well, are you coming?"

"Who's driving?"

"Scott. He said he knew a short cut there that ran along smaller roads so there's less of a chance the wind would knock them over."

"Oh, ok. That's good. I think I'll stay here. I'll just be in the way there and I don't want to slow you down since I'll get colder faster than you guys."

Derek crouched down next to him and Stiles raised one eyebrow at him. "What?"

"Is that really what you want? To be alone here?"

Stiles sighed and looked at the glowing embers of the fire. "Yeah. I don't want to see Lydia. I can't deal with her right now. Just, make sure the other two are safe ok?"

Derek continued to stare at him until with a slow nod he got back up and went downstairs. There wasn't much commotion after that and Stiles waited until he heard the heavy door slam back into place before he sighed and got up from his chair. He silently walked down the stairs and scooted his chair over to the window and pulled back the blanket to stare at the white flurry in front of him. It was absolutely frigid but he didn't care. He was alone again.

A few moments passed and Stiles found his mind restless instead of dozing off into that spell he seemed to constantly slip into. _What happened last night? He didn't say anything about it this morning. But then again Derek's always been weird. Was he grossed out? Was _I _grossed out? No, no I wasn't. Why wasn't I? I know for a fact I don't just go around popping random boners whenever someone touches me. But that wasn't really normal touching though. Why did he do that?_ That last question thoroughly stumped Stiles and he sat there staring blindly at the blizzard while he frowned, thinking hard about this.

A slam behind him startled him so bad he jumped half out of his seat before being deposited on the floor. Groaning in pain and cold he slowly rolled to his hands and knees, rubbing his tailbone where he'd landed on it.

"Freaking ow." He mumbled and hissed at the tenderness.

Booted feet appeared in his line of sight and he followed them up over the sweat-clad legs and completely passed by the waist and chest area to look Derek right in the face. For a second he felt his cheeks warm but then he looked down again and the cold flooded back into his skin.

"Ah, yeah. Startled me." Stiles explained even though he hadn't been asked.

A hand tapped his head and he looked up to see Derek's offered hand and he grabbed it so he could be pulled upright once more. As soon as he got back onto his feet he let the hand go but it stuck to his in a firm grip. He frowned at it for a second before looking up at Derek who was silently watching him, looking him over.

"Um, what? Why are you staring at me? I don't have anything on me, do I?" he asked, nervous under the attention.

"You're ok right?"

Somehow Stiles knew Derek wasn't talking about the fall and he tugged his hand out of Derek's and pulled his hands into his armpits.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Where are the others? I thought you were going to Lydia's."

"They'll be just fine. They have the cell and we decided it's better for them to just stay there and figure out as much as they can before coming back. They might need a couple of days and the idea of staying at Lydia's house for that long…" Derek trailed off with a barely concealed shudder.

Stiles eyed him suspiciously before nodding. "If you say so."

"I do." Derek said firmly and Stiles nodded slowly.

"Well, you'd have been less bored over there. There's, like, nothing to do here. How are you even entertained here?"

"I'm not usually stuck inside all the time. It's also never this cold either."

Stiles gave him a questioning look, wondering what the cold had to do with the boringness of the house but then he remembered how much Derek liked to work out without a shirt and summed it up to that being the reason.

"Right. Um, I'm just going to…sit over here then." Stiles mumbled and backed up towards the chair.

"It's really cold over here. You need to stay warm or you'll catch a cold."

Stiles shrugged and shook his head. "Nah, I'll be good. I don't really have anything else to do besides watch the storm."

Derek frowned and looked like he was deep in thought for a second before he sighed. "Well, I have a lot of books if you wanted. Also printer paper since Isaac likes folding it a lot." He said as he began stripping the many layers over his head until he was left with just a long sleeve shirt and a single pair of sweats on his legs. His feet were still clad in a pair of thick winter socks.

Stiles almost smiled at that as he looked back towards the window while Derek undressed just in case he saw something he shouldn't. "I'll probably just end up making a mess."

"Then a mess you'll make. Just clean it up after you're done and I won't complain."

"Dude, since when don't you complain?"

Derek shot him a glare as he started walking towards his bed. "Don't call me dude."

"Sourwolf." Stiles whispered under his breath and heard Derek growl and that finally brought a small smile to his face.

He did as Derek had suggested and pulled out some of the paper in the desk and began messing around with it like he'd seen Isaac do. That had been the longest conversation he'd had with anybody in a while. He wasn't used to it and that feeling was something new. Derek seemed to be ever so slowly driving whatever emptiness that had settled within him out. But was that a good thing? Stiles didn't know and he didn't care at the moment and just focused on the paper. The odd shapes he created, each line he folded, every piece he used had him moving, his hands unstopping as they had before. Every time he stretched his hands out he'd feel the stick of the bandage over his cuts and that slight pull that reminded him of the pain that so often filled his hollowness. Could Derek get rid of this self-destruction?

Stiles shook his head and squashed the hope he'd begun to feel. He couldn't rely on someone else to fix his own problems. If he started to hope now and later when his hope was trampled on like he knew it would be then he'd be in more pain than when he started. No, he wasn't going to hope but he could at least fill this exact moment in time with whatever he could, even if that meant filling it with Derek. That thought made him groan and Derek's head shot up from where it'd been nestled in the pages of his book and stared at Stiles. Stiles stared back before shrugging.

"Sorry. Just a weird thought that crossed my mind. Won't happen again." Stiles assured him before going back to his papers hurriedly.

"What thought?" Derek asked in a low voice, lowering his book to give Stiles his undivided attention.

"Uh, nothing important really. Just…random thoughts." He said quickly, feeling his face heat up.

"You made that noise over nothing?" Derek asked with a hint of mockery in his tone.

Stiles winced and looked back at Derek, his cheeks flushing slightly. He didn't remember how to handle these situations. He'd always been awkward with these things and if he wasn't careful he'd end up babbling uselessly in embarrassment.

"Um, yeah…nothing."

Derek slammed his book shut and the noise echoed around them, making Stiles flinch. Stiles stared wide eyed at him as he shifted his legs off the bed and stood up, setting the book aside on the bed-side table without looking away from him. Stiles gulped rather loudly and felt the paper tear slightly beneath his fingers which gave him an excuse to break the sudden intense stare between them. As he inspected the small tear he tried to ignore Derek's approach as best he could but each step seemed to echo loudly around him. He fiddled with the paper, making the tear larger until Derek's fingers settled over his and they stilled.

"I can tell when you're lying Stiles."

Stiles shivered at his touch and the sound of his name passing so softly from between Derek's lips. Why was he thinking about Derek's lips? Stiles looked up and his gaze immediately set upon his mouth. Nope, he should _definitely_ not be thinking about Derek's lips. Or be looking at Derek's lips. Had what happened last night made him desperate or something because suddenly he felt _very _desperate and not in a good way. Like an 'I'm drowning and right now the only thing that will save me is your mouth' kind of desperate. It bordered between enticing Stiles and freaking him out.

"You're thinking about something again."

Derek's voice startled him and his gaze jerked away from his mouth and up into his eyes which wasn't really any better. Their stare held fast and it seemed like neither one could blink. Stiles felt a tightness in his chest and confusion swept through him.

"Uh…we…um…we should talk. Yeah, that's it. We should talk." He swallowed nervously as he felt his hands shake beneath Derek's. "You know, about last night? 'Cause yeah, that needs explaining and talking about. A lot of talking about." He babbled.

Derek nodded his head slowly. "You're right. We do."

Stiles waited for him to say something more but that seemed to be all he was going to say so he drew in a shaky breath. "Last night. What happened? I don't usually go around getting hard in other guy's beds. Actually I never go around getting into _any_ guy's bed. Especially not hard and, um, you were…hands…all over me…um…"

Derek's mouth began to tilt up in a smirk and his fingers had begun to take the paper away from Stiles' hands.

"What happened last night was interesting. I hadn't meant for it to happen that way but it did. Are you ok with that?"

"Uh, well, that depends on if _you're_ ok with that. 'Cause, you know, I'm a guy. Guys don't usually do that with guys." Stiles mumbled, trying to keep his thoughts together when Derek's fingers trailing over his made it so difficult.

"Sure they do. It happens all the time. Just not as much as everyone is willing to admit. Tell me, did it help? What happened last night, did it help you feel better, even for just a moment?"

Stiles was silent as he blushed scarlet remembering last night. The hands and the touching and then his dick and ok yeah, he needed to think about something else.

"It kinda did? I'm not sure?" he said as if he were asking a question. "I don't feel as…empty today I guess. I keep thinking about what happened and I don't know if you meant it or if it was just a meaningless thing you did or if it would happen again or if it was bad if it were to happen again or maybe I wanted it to happen again. I mean, I haven't gotten a boner in weeks and…" Stiles felt his face and neck heat almost to the point of pain as he realized what he just said. "And I did _not_ mean to say that out loud. Eesh."

Derek was full on smirking at him now, looking a little triumphant actually. His fingers had managed to wind around Stiles' and when he moved Stiles had no choice but to follow. They moved around the desk so it no longer separated them and Stiles couldn't help but notice the bed was just that much closer now.

"So you're saying you want it to happen again because it made you feel something. You think if this were to continue the cutting would stop?"

Stiles shifted nervously as Derek said his secret aloud. He couldn't help a quick glance around even though they were alone.

"I don't want you to if you don't want to. If this'll be just another meaningless thing that's thrown at us because of my stupidity I'd rather just deal with this alone." He mumbled.

"This is definitely not meaningless." Derek said sternly, his anger surprising them both. "Ah, I mean, I want to if it'll help you."

Stiles sighed and pulled his hands back so he could think clearly and tucked them under his arms like he'd done before.

"What I mean is I don't know if I like you but if I do something like this then I'll probably end up liking you and if you won't like me back or you suddenly realize that I'm a guy and it's gross then I don't want to do this. You've had your fair share of relationship issues and I don't want you to suddenly think that this'll end up bad as well. Not that it'll be a relationship! I mean, you know, if this did turn into that I don't want to be dropped flat. That'll just make things way, way worse. So if it'll be like that then I'd rather just stay like this."

Derek waited until Stiles was finished completely before leaning forward slightly so their faces were closer together.

"The thought of you hurting makes me hurt Stiles. If being in a relationship is ok with you then that's fine with me. I don't think you're gross. If you want the truth then what you did last night was one of the hottest things that have happened in a long time for me. Yes I have my problems but right now yours are much more important." Derek paused and stepped into Stiles' personal space.

Stiles was tempted to take a step back but refused to back down since the very thought of this actually happening made him feel like the cold was receding completely from his body.

"Can _you_ handle being with a guy? Does that gross _you_ out? If I kissed you right now would you back away disgusted?" Derek's voice got lower and he moved even closer with every question.

Stiles leaned his head back to look up at Derek and saw that his face was unbearably close. He could see in fine detail the dark stubble on his chin and the slight chapness of his lips. He could feel Derek's breath wash over his face and felt a shiver run through his whole body. Stiles' lips parted as he let out that same little groan that had started this conversation and Derek took that as an invitation, leaning his head down ever so slightly and tilted to the right and met Stiles' mouth with his own in a gentle question of a kiss.

Derek's mouth was so soft over his. There was no pressure applied and their lips were the only place on their bodies that touched. A spasm tore through his body and suddenly he was stepping into Derek's body and his arms fell to his side so their chests could touch. The warmth of Derek's hands settled themselves onto his upper arms and he pressed his mouth just a bit firmer against Derek's. For a second they were still before Derek pressed back, moving his lips against Stiles and he was left breathless at the sweet softness of the lips under his.

"Please tell me we're going to do this." He whispered against Stiles' lips when he pulled back a bit to breathe and talk.

"Yes. Please?" Stiles pleaded right back.

Derek's grip tightened and he began pulling Stiles back towards the bed, leading him step by slow step. Once he reached the end of the bed he broke the kiss and sat down, looking up at Stiles with lustful but patient eyes.

"Tell me what you want."

Stiles bit his kiss wetted lip and knew Derek could hear his heart skip a beat at his question, knew and saw his smile as a result. He fidgeted with the edges of his sleeves before pressing them against his sides. Derek trailed his fingers up Stiles' sides and back down to grip his waist and hold him there.

"Um, can you touch me?" Stiles asked with a blush. "L-like I did to myself last night?" he almost whispered the end.

Derek gave him a small grin that showed the barest hint of teeth and Stiles shuddered. He was pulled onto the bed and up to the pillows before the blankets were pulled aside for him. Unhurried he crawled under and lay on his side, his back to Derek who climbed in after him. The slow gentleness of it put his heart and mind at ease and he was able to relax when Derek pressed his body against him, legs and all.

"I might get hard during this as well. That ok?" Derek asked his permission and Stiles gave a short nod.

"Of course." He said almost breathlessly.

Derek didn't answer, didn't need to, as he wrapped his arms around Stiles and just held him like that for a few long moments before slowly moving his hand to Stiles' right hand, his thumb tracing his knuckles. Stiles sighed and let himself be touched. He needed this. He really needed this. The fingers travelling slowly up his arm and back down felt so good. They left fire in their wake and warmed him in a way that he hadn't been able to before. When those fingers, that hand went from his shoulder slowly down his side he gave a low sigh of contentment and shut his eyes, letting himself feel everything that Derek was doing to his body.

Derek felt Stiles move slightly into his touch and pressed the flat of his palm completely against his thin body. He could feel the ridge of his ribs and the tenderness of his hips as he slid his hand back and forth, relaxing Stiles slowly. As soon as Stiles let out another low sigh of contentment he slipped his fingers underneath the edge of the shirt and pet the skin along the sensitive ridge of his hip. Stiles shuddered against his body and he took that as encouragement, slipping his entire hand under the shirt and sliding his palm up Stiles side. The shirt goes with him and pulls it all the way up under his armpit. Stiles lifted himself so the shirt didn't catch and once Derek's hand started to slide back down his side he relaxed once more with a shudder.

"Is this ok?" Derek mumbled against Stiles' shoulder which earned him a shiver.

"Y-yeah. It's good. Feels good."

Stiles was breathless as his skin tingled everywhere Derek touched. Those fingers traced every line on his side before moving to his stomach. They danced around his navel teasingly before sliding up to his sternum where they traced the slightly protruding bone. Then they slid up to his clavicle before smoothing their way back down. Then up again and repeating a couple times before slipping right underneath his pectoral. Stiles shifted his arm forward a little more so Derek had better access to his chest. When he felt the first touches of Derek's fingers against his right nipple he gave a shuddering gasp and felt Derek hum against his neck.

"You like these being touched?" Derek asked as he lightly trailed one finger so very lightly over the little nub.

Stiles couldn't give a proper answer, instead opting for a small groan which was encouragement enough for Derek who slid his entire hand over the tip of it with just enough pressure to make Stiles breathe heavily for a second. Stiles arched his back a little, pushing his chest into Derek's hand and finally he applied pressure, sending sparks of pleasure straight through Stiles. The touching was doing a number of things to his body, one of them currently growing desperate in his suddenly straining sweats.

"Derek." Stiles all but panted his name. "Please."

"Please what?" Derek couldn't help but taunt just for the satisfaction of the groan that made its way out of Stiles in response.

"Please t-touch me."

At Stiles pleading gasp he took his hand away from Stiles chest and back down his stomach to the happy trail that led to his straining pants. Teasingly he ran his fingers through the coarse hair, toying with it as he slid his hand farther down. He wanted Stiles to feel absolutely everything he was doing to him. He wanted to engrave this feeling onto his skin so he could feel and know the difference between the pain he brought himself and the pleasure Derek could bring him. Teasingly he slid his fingers not into the pants but over then, drawing a line from his happy trail over the stretched cloth to the tip of Stiles cock where it pushed against the fabric.

"Derek! Come on!" Stiles groaned loudly when he didn't feel the direct touch of his fingers and only teasing taps on his sensitive tip. "Please?" he whined.

"Alright, alright."

Derek soothed him with a gentle kiss to his shoulder and brought his hand back down to the edge of his pants and finally pushed it up and over Stiles' straining cock. Derek couldn't see it but the smell hit him hard. The salty bite of precum and the muskiness of pure Stiles. It rolled off him in waves and he groaned into Stiles' neck, his cock hard against the contours of Stiles' thighs. He felt Stiles jerk in his arms before he groaned loudly and shifted his legs. He could feel Derek pressed against him.

"Derek." He whispered.

The feel of Derek's fingers trailing up the side of his inner thigh made him quiver like a leaf. His touches were torturously slow and he could feel himself twitching every time those hot fingers slid against his skin. Once those teasing fingers finally made their way up to the base of his cock they stilled before Derek's first finger and thumb made a ring around the base and squeezed, pulling upwards until the tip of his cock rest in the circle of his fingers.

"Ngh! Derek, Derek, hah, Derek." Without conscious thought he began chanting Derek's name between every few gasps of pleasure.

Derek growled and buried his face into Stiles' neck, loving the way his arousal smelt as it rolled off him. Every time he drew his hand up his cock he'd jerk in his hand before stilling again. He could feel Stiles holding back from thrusting into his hand. His left hand gripped Stiles' left wrist and entwined their feet and legs together so they were locked together before grabbing him with his whole hand. The sound that left his lips was positively scandalous.

"Ah, Stiles." Derek groaned and began pumping him in earnest.

Stiles opened his mouth wide and squeezed his eyes shut as his eyebrows drew up. This was possibly the single most pleasurable experience he'd ever had in his life. Even the first time he'd orgasmed seemed to shy in comparison to this. Derek's hand was so hot on him and his precum slicked his hand just enough where there was a gentle slide of skin on skin. Every time Derek's thumb would brush the tip or would press against his frenulum he'd give a short pant of his name and his hips would jerk in his grasp. This felt so good, too good!

"D-Derek! St…ngh! Stop… Ngh!"

Stiles bit his lip hard to keep back the whimper of absolute pleasure as he came hard in Derek's hand. His thick cum dripped from his hand down onto his thigh but he was so blissed out from his height of orgasm he couldn't care less about the mess. Derek's hand stroked him softly through it until he'd softened once again. As soon as he was on his way down from his high he felt Derek shift behind him and his warm hand was pulled away. There was a sudden series of jerking movement and Derek groaned deeply into his neck before his body went rigid against him.

"You ok?" Stiles asked, his voice cracking slightly.

Derek huffed against his neck for a bit before he slowly nodded. "Yeah. Just…give me a minute."

Stiles nodded and trailed his right hand down his still sensitive body to his softened cock then down into the mess on his thigh. He groaned at the heat of his cum and shivered a bit. He spread his spunk around his thigh until Derek moved behind him again, his hips pulled a safe distance away but his chest was pressed against his back once more.

"Good thing the others are gone." Stiles mumbled.

"Mm." Derek mumbled into his neck before sighing and moving the both of them so he could get his left arm out from under Stiles. "We made a mess. Let's go get cleaned up."

Stiles nodded and slowly and carefully scooted out from under the blankets and swung his legs over the side of the bed. From there he stood and pulled his pants back up over his ass. When he turned slightly to look at Derek he caught him staring rather intently at the back of his pants where his ass had just been previously exposed. With a slight cough and a blush he made an awkward gesture towards Derek.

"Um, could I have a tissue? It's starting to dry and it's kinda uncomfortable."

Derek didn't say anything, just reached behind him and pulled the box over for Stiles to grab a couple and let him clean himself up.

"You want a washrag or are you good with tissues?" Stiles asked as he tossed the wad away in the bin beside Derek's side table.

"I'm good." Derek mumbled and pulled some tissues too before di+ving his hand beneath the blankets and cleaning himself off.

Stiles tried not to stare at the movement of his hands between his legs under the covers but it was kind of hard since he hadn't yet seen what Derek's dick looked like. He'd have to wait for later though since Derek had already tugged up his sweats once more and was pulling the blankets aside.

"We didn't even mess up the blankets." Derek said with pride in his voice.

Stiles nodded and stood there awkwardly until Derek patted the bed beside him once more.

"There's nothing to do so why not just stay right here. Lazing around sounds rather nice right about now."

Stiles nodded and climbed back onto the bed beside Derek and pulled a pillow around and hugged it to his chest. They sat there, Derek reading once again while Stiles though through what just happened with a small spark of something lighting in his chest. This could be what he needed. Hopefully there'd be a next time.

Stiles allowed himself just the barest hint of a smile and leaned his arm against Derek before settling back into the pillows. There'd better be a next time.

**A/N: So this chapter was fun! I love all of you, my faithful supporters, readers, reviewers, all that jazz. I looove writing male x male smut and can't WAIT for when they actually get it ON! **

**I always end up posting all my chapters in the ridiculous hours of predawn morning time. I need to sleep. GNIGHT! ~hearts~**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! That honestly made my day. Oh! So, this storm has been going on where I live for about 5 days and it freaked me out at first then I was like YES! I can predict weather! So yeah, it's still raining and the wind is intense and…yeah. It's awesome. This chapter was a little more difficult to write. If it seems a little off or rushed sorry about that.**

**WARNINGS: Triggering Descriptions Of Cutting And Depression! Attempted Suicide! Strong Language! Male X Male Smut! No sex yet but we're gettin' there!**

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 7**

When Stiles woke up the next morning silence greeted his ears. He'd slept for the last few hours of the morning with Derek's arms holding him tight to keep his nightmares away and it'd worked for the most part. He'd dreamed but he didn't remember it at all, just the memory that he'd had one remained. The light shining in above the blocked window was slightly brighter than usual and when he moved to see if Derek was awake a cold empty bed greeted him. His heart dropped hard and he sat up fast, kicking the blankets aside to run over to the bathroom to see if he was in there but the door was slightly ajar. His feet pounded against the concrete as he ran to the stairs and pounded up the metal to see if he was in the kitchen but a cold empty room stared blankly back at him. Trudging back down the stairs he looked at the big empty room and it dawned on him. Derek had left him. There was no note. There was nothing telling him that Derek had wanted to stay.

Stiles felt the cold creep in and he slowly backed up away from the giant empty space that seemed to grow bigger in front of him until he had backed himself into the corner beneath the stairs. He let his legs buckle beneath him and he slid down the rough wall until he sat upon the cold concrete floor. Everything was so silent around him again. Any warmth he'd felt last night was long gone. Derek had taken it with him. Stiles gasped loudly and felt his eyes prickle until his vision was blurred until the falling of hot tears cleared and it started over again.

He was having a panic attack.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, his voice high. "I'm sorry, please come back. I'm so sorry."

But Derek didn't come back. Stiles sat there in the cold, arms wrapped around his legs, the tears from before drying in cold streaks down his face. The emptiness inside him grew swiftly and he simply collapsed there. He knew it was going to hurt when Derek left him. He just didn't expect it to be so soon. It hurt. And it was cold. Again. The day grew colder as he sat there, the white light from the morning fading back into the dark grey that had plagued the week. The sounds of the storm picked up once again and his mind buzzed with the endless rain. The loft was so silent, so still. He hated it. He hadn't realized he'd gotten used to all the activity over the last few days. If only Derek hadn't done that last night then he wouldn't be feeling his loss so intensely like this.

"Derek. I'm sorry." He whispered and got up from where he was sitting.

The pain inside of him had dulled to the point he felt lifeless. He couldn't have that. If he was lifeless he'd have another panic attack but these ones left him dead for days. It was better to have a different pain to focus on.

He stumbled over to his backpack and tugged the cold metal from beneath the folders and barely made it to the bathroom before he slumped to the floor. He peeled off his shirt and goosebumps rose on his flesh from the cold wall of the bathroom against his back. Tearing off the bandage he clicked the blade out of its metal covering and gripped it tight. Instead of the usual horizontal cuts he dragged the blade vertically along the top of his skin, creating shallow three inch cut. It barely bled and there wasn't enough sensation to cut through the haze like he needed so desperately. That desperation forced his hand to grip tighter and fiercely tugged the blade down his skin, cutting deep into the skin. Pain tore through him and he gave a half sob. He did it again. And again. Vertical cuts doubled the amount of horizontal cuts and his skin wept blood upon the floor and his clothes. He cried out as his cutter bit harshly into another one of his cuts but he continued. He began to feel woozy.

The door banged open but he paid it no mind, he was too focused on what he was doing. There was sound that rang in deaf ears and suddenly a strong hand gripped his. He screamed and struggled against the brutal hold. Blood spattered his body and ran down his arm. He felt so weak but he had to get rid of this deep, agonizing ache. This pain that seemed to be ingrained in him and he could never get rid of. He had to end it. He _had _to. Again he screamed, trying to force the unbreakable hold away. They slid on a patch of blood and Stiles ended up completely on top of a hard body. He sobbed brokenly into the body and just collapsed there. He didn't have enough strength to move away and more and he was hoping that the fire blazing in his arm that spread across his body would finally put an end to this empty pain.

"Stiles. Stiles, oh my g-…" he voice that finally made it through the white noise sounded awfully familiar. "Stiles, get up. Stiles! Please!"

Stiles didn't want to move. There was no way this voice belonged to who he thought it did. He couldn't face that pain. Not again. He'd been so alone. He was always alone. He just didn't want to be abandon again. A gut-wrenching sob burst from his chest and his fingers loosened its hold on the cutter until it clattered to the floor. The strong grip holding his arm let go and instead wrapped around him heedless of the blood.

"Stiles. We have to stop the bleeding. Please, please we have to stop it."

Stiles didn't make any move to get up. This voice was like sweet torture on his wrecked mind and heart. He just couldn't. He was so cold. The body was warm beneath him but he didn't seem to be absorbing any of that splendid heat. Instead the fire from his arm was turning to ice and it hurt so bad. Those strong arms were moving him again and he gave a half formed yell that bubbled from his throat. If he was dreaming then couldn't this wonderful voice just let him stay like that? Why was it forcing him to move? He cried out when he was moved away from the warm, familiar body and tried to grip at it but his fingers weren't working right. All he could manage was a small flail before his back was pressed against the cold wall once more. The warm body was gone and he sobbed loudly.

"Shh, it's ok. I'm right here. I won't leave you again. I'm so sorry Stiles."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't leave me." Stiles went back to mumbling over and over again.

Even when the voice reassured him that he wasn't leaving him and that he'd never leave him again he just couldn't believe it. There was no way this wasn't his sick twisted imagination creating cruel, messed up sensations that reminded him of Derek. Even as the strong hands turned gentle he couldn't convince himself that this person was real. The man in front of his fuzzy eyes wasn't the man who'd treated him so passionately last night. It wasn't the man who'd made him feel so much pleasure and it certainly wasn't the man who'd left him without a single word the morning after.

"Alone. So alone. Cold." He mumbled brokenly.

"I know. I'm sorry. Just please focus Stiles. Look at me."

The not-Derek's voice practically yelled at him and he made his eyes focus. Why did it have to be him? Didn't he hate him? Hadn't he always hated him? Maybe this whole time he'd been dreaming and nothing had actually happened to him. Maybe he was well and truly crazy. Completely insane.

"Stiles you're not crazy." The man said gently.

Stiles hadn't realized he'd said it out loud and quickly shut his quivering mouth. He didn't want the man to speak anymore. Didn't want to be reminded of those hot hands stroking his body. Didn't want to feel them as they cleaned the bloody mess he'd made. Yet they didn't go away. They continued to move his body ever so slightly as they dragged a wet cloth over his torn flesh. They continued to carefully spread the antibiotic salve over the gaping wounds. Proceeded to wrap bandages tightly around his arm all the way to his elbow before settling on top of them.

"Stiles, you still awake?"

Stiles looked at him through bleary eyes and shook his head. "I don't know. I'm sure I'm dreaming. You're not here. You left me. You hate me." His voice cracked. "But you feel so real!"

Derek's face was smeared with his blood from where Stiles' hand had hit him. Beyond that Stiles could see the pain etched into his face and the thought that he'd put that there made his abused heart ache. Derek's bloodied hand came up to rest on Stiles' pale face and he sighed.

"I'm real. I wouldn't leave you." He paused for a breath before continuing. "Let's get you clean. Come on, into the tub."

Stiles could do nothing but obey and he let himself be lifted like a small child and set into the tub. As Derek started the water a stray thought flitted across his mind. They had water again…and power… the light was on above the mirror and over the tub. Stiles couldn't focus on that right now. He could only stare at Derek as he adjusted the temperature and plugged the drain up before reaching for Stiles again. He shrunk back but in the tub there was no where he could go. Why couldn't this not-Derek just leave him alone. His left arm was lifted above his head and the bloodied dark blue shirt was carefully tugged over that arm, then his right arm until it made it over his head and disappeared over the tub's edge.

"Do you want me to take off your pants or will you do it?" Derek asked him in a soft voice.

Stiles didn't answer, just sat there as the tub began to fill, wetting his clothes and sticking them to his body. Honestly, he couldn't care less since this was only a figment of his imagination. He silently cursed how creative he seemed to be at the moment. The burning in his arm seemed real enough and those hands on him certainly didn't feel fake but Derek had left him.

"Left me. Derek left me." He sobbed and let his head thump against the tile wall.

"No, no, no. Stiles I'm here. I'm right here."

"No you're not. You're fake. I just want you to be real." Stiles shook his head and shut his eyes so he couldn't see that face that caused him this pain he didn't know he could feel.

Not-Derek didn't say anything more and went on undressing Stiles. Carefully he tugged the waistbands of the soaked sweats down Stiles' hips, lifting him with one arm around his torso, and slipping them off his legs. He squeezed them out and tossed them aside as well. Something plopped down on Stiles' lap and when he opened his eyes again a washrag was floating in the water above his groin.

"Washrag." He whispered as he remembered when Derek had helped him warm up from outside a couple days ago.

Nothing else was said after that and Stiles stayed put as his hair was washed and rinsed and then his skin was soaped down. Those hot hands skimmed along his right arm and down to his fingertips, washing all traces of blood away. His left arm was kept above water at all times. When it started to slip down it was always moved back up to rest on the edge of the tub. When the slippery soap was slid down his chest he let his head loll back and just let this strangely real mirage continue its cleaning.

The soap washed over his chest slowly, a hot hand trailing after to spread the soap. When those fingers ghosted over his nipples he let out a sigh and felt the hands stutter before continuing their soaping. They dipped into the water that had filled to just above his navel and started cleaning lower. Stiles let his knees fall open and watched as the not-Derek's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed sharply. If he was in less pain he'd contemplate baiting this guy but he just didn't have the energy and simply let him clean. His junk was completely bypassed and his legs were lifted from the water one by one to be cleaned. The last to be washed was his dick which he didn't lift a finger to help and instead punished the mirage Derek by making him clean.

"You're awfully real for a mirage." He mumbled aloud and the other Derek stopped to look at him with pain.

"You still don't believe I'm real…" he said and Stiles gave him a bitter half-smile without answering.

After they stared at each other a while Stiles was hoisted from the tub and his feet were slowly lowered to the floor. Stiles had to hold onto that muscular shoulder to keep from falling on his face but he managed to keep upright. As he was dried off Stiles wrapped his hand around his bandage and pressed, feeling the stinging pain burn through him. Quickly his hand was pulled away and held in that big, warm, comforting grip. He wanted to lean into it but he just couldn't.

"I need to get you some clothes."

Stiles heart seemed to stop beating before jack-rabbiting into high gear, his eyes turning frantic as he turned to look at him. Just the thought that even this Derek was going to leave him made him ache in ways that shouldn't even be possible. Not-Derek heard his hysterical heartbeat and saw the absolute panic in his face and quickly engulfed him with his arms, pulling his body against his own.

"Ok, calm down, I'm not going anywhere."

It took longer than it should have for Stiles' pulse and breathing to climb back to its normal levels. When it had he was still being held and gently rocked in this Derek's grip. He relaxed slowly and leaned heavily against him, never wanting to forget this warmth and safety he made him feel.

"Let's at least get you something warm to wear. You can come with me."

Stiles nodded and he was picked up once more in his arms and quickly carried out of the bloodied bathroom and across the loft to the bed where he was set down on the cold sheets. He shivered and the blankets were immediately pulled over him. As soon as he was let go his hand shot out and wrapped around an arm.

"I don't need clothes." He whispered.

The solid arm in his hand felt so real and when that face leveled with his he felt his heart ache. "Why weren't you here? I needed you." He croaked as he held back is emotions.

"I didn't mean to be gone that long. I screwed up, I'm sorry Stiles. Please believe me."

Stiles shook his head, trying to keep the illusion that this wasn't really Derek even though reality was starting to seep back into his muddled, half delusional brain.

"No, if I believe you it'll just hurt worse when you're really gone. When I have to go back to my dad's after the storm and be all alone again."

Derek yanked the covers back and slid into the bed alongside Stiles, covering his cold, naked body with his own clothed one. Stiles felt his entire body shiver and he ached so badly in that moment when Derek covered him. Derek's face was in his, those green eyes so fierce they bordered on angry.

"I will _not_ leave you alone Stiles." He growled and pushed his mouth against Stiles' slightly parted lips he felt their teeth clack.

Stiles gave a strangled gasp and fisted his fingers into the back of Derek's shirt. He turned his head ever so slightly and slotted their mouths together and the kiss turned into a wild, angry fight. There was nothing soft or gentle about this. This was Derek demanding that Stiles accept that he was there and he was staying or so help him he was going to damn them both.

"What will it take to get through to you?! I have no idea what I'm doing!" Derek growled harshly against his lips.

Stiles felt like there was a crack running throughout his entire body. Like his body had been frozen under ice and fire was yanking it apart. What the hell had been done to him? A wave of guilt flooded through him and he whimpered into Derek's painful kiss.

"You used to be so strong Stiles. You never gave up. Why would you now?" Derek's hands slid down his sides and gripped his hips harshly, leaving imprints in the skin.

"Derek!" Stiles' gasped his name breathlessly, the sound barely above a whisper.

"I thought you needed to be treated gently but then I saw you…_this_!" he hissed and pulled Stiles' left arm up to push it into his face as he backed up from the kiss.

Stiles knew he was crying by now but the tears were hot and angry. "I didn't want to!" he cried loudly, yelling at Derek now.

"You never said anything!"

"Would you have listened?!"

"I would if I'd known!"

"Bullshit! You never gave a flying fuck about anything I said." Stiles sobbed. "None of you did. After all I'd been through, none of you even looked at me." His voice was quieting down now, sounding broken but alive. "I'm so fucked up Derek. So fucked."

Derek glared down at him as Stiles' face went from that awful pale to bright pink in anger. That was the color he liked to see on Stiles' face.

"I never knew." He whispered to him that bordered on a growl.

"Knew what? That I'm not as strong as I pretend to be? That I-I'm so messed up that I'm a complete mess?! 'Cause yeah! You didn't know! No one knew! No one _cared_ to know!"

Derek shook his head. "No. You're right. I didn't know. But you're also _so_ wrong Stiles. I care. I'm not a monster."

Stiles stilled beneath Derek, his chest heaving from yelling at him. "Then why didn't you stay? I'm not just talking about last night. I'm talking about after all that shit had gone down with the Alphas? After I'd been fucked over by a fucking Nogitsune?! Did it even cross your mind that I might not be ok?"

"Yes but it also crossed my mind that you might not want me prying into what had happened."

Stiles shook his head and looked away, hot tears still falling from his eyes. Suddenly he felt so exhausted.

"You know what. Forget it. I don't want to talk about that right now. What I do want to know is why you weren't there this morning? You left me. Alone. Again." He emphasized each word.

Derek sighed and nodded, shuffling off of Stiles and lying down beside him, his hands still on Stiles, pulling him towards him. Stiles went with him even though he still expected an answer.

"The storm cleared this morning just before dawn and I knew I only had a little bit of time before the storm came back. I thought you were going to be asleep for a while longer since you barely slept at night. I went to go see Scott and Isaac at Lydia's to see what they'd found." He paused and Stiles looked at him expectantly.

"And? Did they find anything useful?" Stiles prompted.

"Uh, well, kind of. There are two theories but one is definitely stronger than the other. If the storm lasts for another two days then we'll know for sure."

"Then why did it take so long for you to come back if that was all they had to tell you?"

Derek sighed and gazed up at the ceiling. "I went to check on your dad, Melissa, and Allison and as I was coming back the storm picked up again and I got caught in it."

Stiles was barely breathing next to him as he realized what had happened. "You went to see my dad…" he paused for a second to swallow the lump in his throat. "I-is he ok? How's he doing?"

Derek rubbed a soothing hand over his side. "He's fine. He was wrapped up in a blanket, drinking a cup of hot cocoa and reading a magazine about guns when I looked in on him."

Stiles relaxed completely and turned onto his side to bury his face into Derek's shoulder. He felt a huge weight lift off of him and he sighed heavily before turning his face so his cheek was pressed against Derek.

"Thanks." Wave after wave of guilt and anger and sadness washed through him. His arm was stinging and throbbing under the bandages and he pulled that arm behind his back, ashamed. "I…" he bit his lip and struggled to calm himself and find the right words, "I was…so stupid. I thought everything was just so…helpless." He whispered. "I mean…when you left I just _knew_ you were disgusted and had to hate me by now. I'm…broken…and lifeless…and stupid and we'd done something like that and we're both male and…ugh."

"Yeah, you're definitely all of those, but so am I." Derek admitted gruffly. "I had no clue how to help you. I felt hopeless seeing you like that and knowing I couldn't do anything." He growled. "I'm don't _do_ feelings."

"Isn't that true." Stiles grumbled against his chest.

"It _is_ true. From now on you'll tell me _exactly _how you're feeling and if I find out that you've lied to me I will be angry. I'll be more than angry, I'll be _pissed_. You do _not_ want me pissed." Derek threatened.

Stiles swallowed thickly and nodded. "I don't know if you could do anything that I haven't already done to myself."

"I can, and I will. There are worse things Stiles." He said and only half as a threat.

In the past Stiles would have been snarky about something like that but with everything Derek had just shared with him about his helplessness and feelings there was no way he'd belittle him like that. So instead he just nodded and buried his face into Derek's shoulder once more. The storm whistling outside was the only noise for a long while. The little bit of sun that'd been lighting the clouds finally disappeared and they were left in total darkness. After the dark had settled around them Stiles lifted his head and gazed up at Derek.

"Is it bad that I'm a guy? Is there any chance?" he whispered to him.

The beat between Stiles' questions and Derek's answers was so long that for a moment Stiles thought that he'd fallen asleep but then he shifted beneath him and they were both on their sides looking at each other.

"I've only ever been with females before, never males. I have no idea how I'll do."

Stiles shook his head and leaned their foreheads together. "As long as you don't abandon me I'm fine with whatever happens."

"What if I end up hurting you? What if _you_ end up hurting _me_?" Derek asks.

Stiles sighs and for a second he's silent. "Well, I can't guarantee that I won't hurt you somehow but I'm sure that there's no way you can hurt me more than I've already been hurt." He whispers and presses his bandages against Derek's arm that's still around his middle.

Derek flinches but nods. "Ok. I can give this a try."

"Ok." Stiles says back and that's all he's asking for.

He would never ask Derek to commit himself to him because who knows what's in store for them. Maybe someone will come along who's not totally deranged and self-damaged who happens to catch Derek's eye. The thought literally causes him pain as he suddenly clenches his left fist but he'll deal with that if it comes to that.

"Can we just do this right, now? Like, start over? I'm pretty sure I fucked up all of this. Our first kiss was supposed to be really romantic and gentle and it's definitely supposed to come before the hand-job."

Derek finally cracks a faint smile at that. "I don't think there's any need to start over since this is just the way that things are. Let's take it from here." He says and pulls Stiles close and kisses him so softly, so sweetly that Stiles almost couldn't believe that this was actually Derek. The same Derek that used to push him into walls and slam his head against steering wheels.

But it was the same Derek. The same Derek that had bathed him and clothed him and saved him from himself. Sure Stiles wasn't all better and would definitely need some _serious_ help still, but, it's the same Derek whose fingers had given him shivers and had held him until he'd slept. The same Derek whose hands felt like brands against his cold skin as he held onto him like he was falling to pieces. And that Derek was the one that was kissing him with lips that tasted like mint and the faint metallic taste of blood. He's amazing.

Stiles pressed himself closer, his arms going around Derek's shoulders as he's turned onto his back once more, Derek's weight settling softly over his. His lips are so soft in contrast to the slight scrape of stubble across his chin and nose as he presses deeper into the kiss, letting his mouth fall open when those lips give way to a probing tongue. The tremble that dances through his chest and down his spine makes him moan lightly. Derek answers with a not so quiet growl deep in his chest. Those wonderful fingers and hands that Stiles loves so much are dancing over his skin, down his sides, up his chest and over his stomach. Everywhere they can reach is touched and rubbed and Stiles feels his heart stutter with each fleeting sensation.

"I want this Stiles. Can I have this?" Derek asks excitedly into Stiles' mouth.

The answering groan Stiles lets out is absolutely filthy yet Derek just keeps nipping at his lips and chin.

"I need an answer." He growls sharply.

"Yes! Oh please, Derek, come on!" Stiles cries breathlessly.

"Good." Derek rumbles and suddenly his mouth is everywhere on Stiles' skin.

Those hot lips trail fire down his jaw and over his neck, sucking harsh marks into his pulse point before his tongue is darting out and laving over his collarbone. Stiles give a sharp yelp as slightly sharp teeth bite into the hollow of his collarbone. Derek is unforgiving as he nips and bites his way over Stiles' skin. Stiles' fingers flutter over Derek's back uselessly before his need of Derek's skin on his has him tugging and pulling at his shirt. There's a rush of air between them as Derek sits up on his knees over Stiles and yanks his shirt over his head. Stiles should be embarrassed by the dirty moan that leaves his mouth but he's too preoccupied with running his fingers over the hot skin on Derek's abs.

Derek's eyes are all over Stiles' body. Even in the dark his pale skin practically glows and he can see every contour, every dark mole decorating his skin. He swears he can even see the dark flush atop his chest that spreads up his neck and tints his cheeks. When he's done admiring the top half his eyes lick down his body until it gets to the growing need between Stiles' thighs. His slender cock is filling up quick, throbbing as he hardens under Derek's solid stare.

"Derek, hurry up!" Stiles yells and pulls on his hips to lower him once more to his body.

Derek grinds down onto Stiles and relishes in the bitten off cry. He wanted to take this slower at first but there's no way that he can with those lewd cries Stiles keeps letting out.

"Do you believe I'm real now?" he growls.

Stiles pants and looks up into his face with shining honey eyes. "Get those pants off and I might."

Derek bites back a groan and pushes his pants off with help from Stiles' grabby hands. When those hands grasp each firm cheek and pull him forward to grind together he hisses and grabs the left one gently to pry it off of him and pin it against the pillow next to his disheveled hair.

"Let me." He growls and Stiles practically writhes under him with impatience and anticipation.

Derek lets go of his hand and when it stays there like it should he leans back a little onto both knees and places his hands on Stiles' knees. Looking him right in the eye he pulls his knees up and out from between Derek's legs and slowly spreads them. Stiles pants and does his best not to force his legs shut. The intense look in Derek's eyes has him squirming either to get away or to get closer he's not sure. Then his eyes drift away from his and seem to devour his body until he's staring intently at the hard cock nestled against the dark pubic hair at his groin. Stiles can't help but do the same, his eyes darting to take in the sight of Derek's thick, heavy cock jutting out from his hips.

Derek can smell the burst of precum from Stiles' cock and looks up to see what's caused it and feels a strong spark of pride as he sees his gaze alighted on his cock. The salty headiness fills the air and makes him twitch which doesn't go unnoticed by Stiles.

"Quit staring. Either touch me or let me touch you."

Derek shifts forward on his knees until the front of his thighs touch the back of Stiles' and he pushes his legs farther up until Stiles is bent almost in half and Derek can see the wink of Stiles' pucker between his pale ass cheeks.

"Where do you want me to touch you?" Derek asks lowly.

"A-anywhere." Stiles mutters back, his hips twitching.

Derek gives him a small smirk before lowering him back to the bed and putting his feet back onto the sheets. Stiles groans in disappointment that makes Derek chuckle.

"You're a tease. You're teasing me! Hey, where are you going?"

Derek shushes him quickly with a fast, heady kiss which distracts him long enough afterwards that he can lean over and slide the drawer of his nightstand open and rifle around the back until his fingers touch the cold plastic tube of lube. He doesn't bother closing the drawer and sets himself back between Stiles legs.

Stiles' heart is pounding a mile a minute as he watches Derek flick the lid of the lube open and can feel himself twitch in eagerness. He wraps his fingers around his cock and strokes like he remembers Derek doing to him the night before and groans where Derek stops to watch him. His fingertip massages his slit that oozes precum and has to drown out a moan with a bite to his lip. Derek's mouth is on his faster than he could comprehend and his hand was being knocked aside and replaced with a hot, slick one. Immediately he bucks up into his hand and lets out a loud whine into his mouth. Derek can't hold back the low moan in response that gets lost in the kiss.

"F-faster." Stiles manages to breathe out and feels his hand speed just a fraction.

There's suddenly something hotter than Derek's hand pressing against his dick and he immediately knows what it is. He lets out a strangled grown and wraps his legs around Derek's waist and pulls him closer. The hand wraps around the both of them and strokes the opposite direction of their undulating hips. Stiles can't help but make filthy noises into Derek's mouth and he just eats them up, pressing his tongue against his lips and slides against his tongue, practically wringing the sounds from him.

"Close. Stiles." Derek huffs as he breaks the wet kiss.

Stiles nods frantically since words seem to be failing him and grips onto Derek's biceps. Their hips thrust together faster, Derek's hand gripping tighter and suddenly they're cumming. Derek cums first, hot spurts of spunk landing messily on Stiles stomach which has Stiles cumming right after him, clenching tightly around him as he shoots his own load alongside Derek's. They collapse together onto the bed, Derek falling to the side so he doesn't squish Stiles. Their orgasmic bliss lasts longer than it had the night before and Stiles sighs when Derek pulls him to his body and runs a finger through their combined mess.

"You smell good." Derek says suddenly.

Stiles can't help the bubble of laughter that springs to his lips at the unexpected comment. "Uh, thanks? Is that really weird pillow talk?"

Derek shakes his head. "No, I mean it. You smell good. You smell like me." He says and buries his nose into Stiles' neck.

"Is this a werewolf thing?"

"Um, I don't know. I've never cum on someone before."

Stiles hums his acknowledgement and can't help but feel a sense of smugness. "Good to know."

Derek nods and sighs into his skin as he rubs the mess into Stiles' skin. They stay like that until the cum starts to dry, leaving them slightly sticky, slightly crusty, and more than slightly uncomfortable. There's no need to say anything, there's just a sort of mutual agreement and Derek climbs over Stiles and the covers that had been thrown to the end of the bed and then off the side of the bed.

"I'll be right back ok? Promise. Just getting some water, food, and a washcloth."

Stiles gulps silently but nods anyways, trusting Derek to come back this time. He watches him leave with anxious eyes and follows his movement first to the bathroom and feels relief flood him when he comes back out with a damp washcloth. He takes the washcloth and slowly starts cleaning up the mess on his stomach and dick as he watches intently as Derek disappears up the stairs. There's a sick feeling of apprehension as he waits for Derek to reappear. He manages to get himself completely cleaned off and pulls the covers back up the bed to cover his rapidly cooling body. A slow tendril of panic makes its way into his mind when five minutes have passed and Derek still hasn't returned.

"Um, Derek?" he calls softly into the dark.

"I'm still here Stiles!" Derek calls back down and immediate relief floods Stiles and he slumps back against the pillows.

Derek's footsteps are loud in the almost quiet room, only broken by the sound of wind and sleet against the window. When Derek has set the food and water on the nightstand and had crawled back into bed Stiles snakes his arms around his waist and presses his face into Derek's side. A hand combs through his messy hair and he sighs.

"I told you I wouldn't be long."

"Yeah. Sorry." Stiles mumbles and nuzzles into him.

Derek pushes him off slightly to grab the food and hands it to Stiles. "Eat then drink then sleep. In that order."

"What, I can't drink then eat?"

Derek gives him a withering look that Stiles gives a sheepish smile in return to before taking a bite of his butter sandwich. It felt good settling into his empty stomach and surprisingly it only took him three more bites to finish it and wanting another. But instead of asking he simply took the bottle of water and chugged two big mouthfuls before sighing and handing it back.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Go to sleep."

Stiles didn't argue with the command and once Derek had settled in beside him he pressed his naked body to Derek's and sighed in contentment.

"Just…be there when I wake up, ok?" he says quietly when he feels sleep slowly starting to crawl over him.

"I will be. Sleep now, talk later."

"Ok."

Stiles is out faster than he's been in months and Derek lays there holding him, satisfaction settling over him. That night Stiles sleeps completely through the night with no dreams and surprisingly no nightmares.

**A/N: So, yeah. This chapter was a little more difficult to write cuz I had to write in Stiles' insanity, Derek's insecurity and feelings, and then a smut scene. All of my chapters are about 15-20+ pages in Word Document. This chapter in particular was actually 22 pages long. I write every chapter in the wee hours of the morning before I post so it's usually about 3 am here by the time I'm done. Whew! **

**I hope you enjoyed, stay tuned for more! Chapters are posted randomly so…expect one either tomorrow or in a couple days! Review to let me know your ideas for the next chapters! Every view is very much appreciated! I loves you!**

**Sleepy time she comes ~hearts~**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET OUT! I'd wanted to post at least once every couple of days but I couldn't do that this time! It'll probably happen again so I won't grovel too much. I'll do that at the end. **

**WARNINGS: Triggering descriptions of cutting and depression as well as some sexual interactions between male characters. DEAL WIT' IT! But if you're still here I'm sure you know all this by now!**

**If there's any mistakes I'm sorry! Those are all my fault. I'm tired. Boohoo. **

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 8**

Stiles wakes up warm and comfortable. It's such a strange sensation that he jolts awake completely and his wide eyes stare straight into Derek's sleeping face. Everything is frozen inside of him for a bit before relief floods through him, washing away the surprise. He hadn't expected Derek to be there like he'd said last night. It was certainly nice though, having him there, warm underneath his fingertips. Derek was still sound asleep and Stiles took this time to carefully trace the smooth lines of his pectorals and collarbones with his fingers, loving how the skin seemed to tight and smooth over those solid muscles. A twitch ran through Derek's arms and suddenly Stiles was pulled to Derek's body in a crushing embrace. For a second Stiles thought he was still asleep but then a gush of warm breath washed over his scalp as Derek exhaled and yawned.

"Um, good morning." Stiles mumbled awkwardly, not sure how to face Derek since it was their first time waking up together after a situation like last night.

"Mm, morning." Derek grumbled and lay there for a few moments more before sighing and letting Stiles go.

The bed dipped and bounced under them as Derek scooted slowly out from under the covers and over to the edge. Stiles watched as he went, staring at his broad back before he stood up and then he was staring at his ass. Derek, heedless of his nakedness, crossed the cold floor and peeled back the edge of the blanket to look outside. From the sound of the wind and the darkness of the sky the storm was obviously still in full swing and Derek's frustrated sigh and slight grumble confirmed it.

"So, no going out today?" Stiles asked as he sat up as well, pulling the blanket with him as he went since it was too cold for him to be bare.

"Nope. Hungry?"

Stiles nodded before he realized Derek's back was still facing him. "Uh, yeah. I can get it myself though."

Stiles pulled the blanket with him as he left the bed, leaving the comforter behind as he set his feet upon the frigid ground. Derek didn't wait for him as he went up the stairs and when he got up there the bread and butter had already been pulled out and a slice of nearly thawed steak sat beside the stove. Derek was rooting around in the drawers for a clean knife and Stiles gently pulled the bread towards him and undid the twist tie to pull a slice out. A butter knife clattered on the counter beside him and he jumped, his eyes darting up to Derek's face. He looked like he usually did, if not a little grumpy and Stiles could only hope that it was because he wasn't a morning person and not that he'd caused that grimace.

Trying to move as quick as possible without causing a bunch of movement Stiles quickly buttered his bread, tied the bag shut, and had everything back in the freezer before Derek's steak had even begun to sizzle. He sat at the table and tore off mini bites as he watched Derek anxiously. For some reason an uneasy feeling had made its way into his gut as he watched Derek's silent, quick movements. He'd barely talked to Stiles, hadn't looked at him, and seemed to be ignoring him. Stiles quickly shook his head and turned away from Derek. He was definitely over-thinking things. These feelings that were coming back were simply confusing him. The negativity that had surrounded him for so long was coming back to him in place of the emptiness he'd replaced it with.

"When I went to see the others yesterday they managed to find some useful information about what could be going on." Derek said suddenly.

Stiles jumped and quickly swallowed the bite in his mouth. "Do they know what's causing the storm?"

Derek nodded and flipped the steak and the sizzling filled the silence for a bit before he spoke again. "They think something called a Zduhać is trying to bury the town."

"Bury the town." Stiles repeated and frowned in thought. "Bury it in snow? That wouldn't work, this is California. There's too much sun here…usually."

"The rain and wind was meant to destroy and wash it away and the snow was to bury everything left but the buildings are too strong for that. Lydia says that in the next few days if the snow becomes solid ice then we're definitely dealing with a Zduhać."

"What happens when the snow turns to ice?"

"Then the winds will begin to swirl and a tornado like storm will rip everything apart. Buildings are definitely not meant to withstand that."

Stiles was silent for a bit as he thought about the horror and devastation that would bring. "Did you find out how to stop it?"

Derek shook his head and flipped his steak onto a plate and left the fire on to heat the room before sitting down at the table with him. "They're still looking. There were a dozen other names that involved the Zduhać such as Vetrovnjak, vilovit, and oblačar."

Stiles didn't even try to repeat those names and just nodded. "How will we get in touch with them again when they figure it out?"

"There are snow vehicles all over the roads out there despite the storm moving the snow out of the roads. They're going to bring the Jeep back here as soon as they know how to take care of that thing."

Stiles finished his bread and sat there with his knees pulled up until Derek had finished devouring his meat. He still hadn't looked at Stiles but he was trying not to dwell on that. He'd spoken to him after all. Once Derek was finished the scooted their chairs around the small flame still at the stove and Stiles warmed his frozen digits next to the fire. The silence feels awkward to him and he can't help but shift around nervously in his chair. He's close to Derek but for some reason he feels so far away. When he steals a glance at him he's leaning against the counter away from him, his head turned away and looking out the half unblocked window over the stove.

"D-does…um…does being away from the others during the storm make you edgy?" Stiles couldn't help but ask.

Derek looks at him, a little surprise filtering through the grumpy mask for a second before it slips back into place. "I don't know. Maybe."

Stiles stares at him as if there's more but Derek just looks back out the window. There's a sharp throb to Stiles' heartbeat and he tries to cover it with a tilt in his chair and a cough. The lapse in conversation eventually stops being uncomfortable and Stiles just accepts it as inevitable. What was he to expect from Derek in the first place? He wasn't really a talker and Stiles was sure he probably felt awkward after what had happened between them twice now. They'd only talked about it a little bit so there were no clear boundaries and how would he bring this whole thing up in the first place?

Stiles kept his thoughts to himself so he didn't weird Derek out even more than he probably already did. The fire eventually died down and Derek got up and started shuffling towards the stairs without a word to Stiles. He just watched him go. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about this. Even before his cutting and everything that'd happened he'd never had a sexual encounter with anyone so he didn't know how he was supposed to act, how clingy he was supposed to be, or what to even say to the other person so he just watched as he left, leaving him alone in the cooling room.

The loss of the fire drastically changed the temperature in the room and soon Stiles was sneezing and sniffing as he pulled the blanket tighter around him. Surely Derek must have heard that but he didn't say anything and he didn't come up to check on Stiles. After so many days of the storm the sound had slowly been pushed to the back of his mind but now that he'd become slightly more aware of what was going on around him he listened to the howling and couldn't help but compare it to the sound of a wolf's own howl. Was the thing creating the storm hurting? Did it need help and was creating this storm as a plea? Or maybe it was actually roaring. Maybe it was angry and hated everything, growling to drown out any other noise that this city made. Stiles didn't know but the thinking kept him occupied until hours seemed to have passed by completely.

The sudden sound of footsteps on metal rang up to him and startled him out of his reverie. Derek popped his head into the kitchen and stared at Stiles who stared back in bewilderment. They both seemed at a loss for words in this sudden lock until Derek slowly stepped through the doorway and shifted uncomfortably, looking away from Stiles and staring at the wall.

"Um, you hadn't moved or anything since I'd left so I thought that maybe you were doing that…thing again." He said awkwardly.

"Thing?" Stiles asked, confused.

"Yeah, you stare at nothing and you smell like nothing and it freaks everyone out."

A quick stitch of pain jolted through his chest and he just stared at Derek for a second before he lowers his gaze away from him and to the floor.

"Oh, uh, no. I'm fine. Sorry for making you come up here." He said quietly and turned back around in his seat to stare at the dead charcoal.

"You didn't make me do anything." Derek growled at the same time the winds whistled. "Come downstairs. The bed's warmer than the rooms." He commanded and he was gone again.

Stiles almost stayed there simply to spite him but he still didn't have that spark back in him to argue or disobey him. After he couldn't hear his footsteps on the stairs any longer he stood up and gathered the blanket closely around him and scooted his feet across the room and down the stairs. Derek was already under the covers of the bed and he paused for a second, looking at the couch quickly before he caught Derek giving him an expectant look. Sheepishly he hunched his shoulders and scurried over to the bed to crawl from the foot over to the headrest and huddled there with his knees to his chest on the far side away from Derek.

Derek paid him no heed and continued to bury his nose in his newest book. Stiles could only see a few pages having been turned and knew he'd just started it when he'd gotten back from grabbing Stiles. He guessed that'd the only reason he'd bothered coming up in the first place was because he'd finished a book and had looked up long enough to realize Stiles hadn't been there. Stiles heaved a sigh and leaned up against the pillows and started looking around the loft. There wasn't anything for him to do. He doubted Derek would let him borrow a book and the paper he'd been folding before held no interest to him. He turned to Derek and opened his mouth, braving against the silence.

"So…how'd you get the power back on?"

"Generator." Came the gruff answer.

Stiles nodded and pursed his lips as he turned away from him again. He waited a few more minutes before turning to him again.

"What about the water? Aren't the pipes frozen?"

"Still the generator."

"Just for the loft?"

"No."

"If the power's back on why didn't we use it for breakfast?"

"Waste of energy."

Stiles paused for a moment as Derek grit his teeth but then he turned his page so he figured it was just because of what was in the book.

"So the other people have power and water too?"

"Yes Stiles! Can't you see that I'm reading?!" Derek snarled as he snapped his book shut and jerked his head to glare at Stiles.

Stiles shrunk back. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He whispered quickly and moved off the pillows to the absolute edge.

"Just...don't bug me."

Derek waved his book towards Stiles before leaning back onto the pillows again and reopening his book to the page he'd been on and resuming his reading with a slightly furrowed brow. Stiles' heart was pounding in his chest but he didn't like this feeling at all. This was fear and sadness and pain and he hated it. He hated himself. The wounds under the bandages on his left arm was really hurting and he realized he was half laying on it when he'd cringed away from Derek and quickly righted himself. There weren't any blood stains on the bandages so he figured they'd stayed closed but the tugging of the scabs was painful.

Looking towards the bathroom he wondered if Derek had cleaned up. Had his blood stained? When he made a move to go and check Derek's arm snapped out and held him down. Stiles jerked his head over to look from his arm to his face in surprise. Derek's face was stern bordering on murderous.

"Wh-what?! What'd I do?!" Stiles asked quickly, drawing back.

"What were you about to do?"

"Um, go to the bathroom? I haven't really gone in days you know. Nothing to get rid of and now I do. Can I go or not?"

Stiles suddenly really wanted to be away from Derek. He didn't understand what was going on with him, why he was ignoring him, why he was suddenly looking at him like that…like he hated him.

"Fine. Make it quick." He growled and let go of him like he burned him.

Stiles scrambled out from under his blanket and darted to the bathroom and slammed the door and locked it behind him. He slumped against the door and reached up to flick the light on. When the light flickered on above him he gasped in horror at the sight in front of him. Derek hadn't been able to clean up after what had happened last night. Dried and crusty blood was smeared over the entire ground where they'd struggled. His own bloody handprints were dragged along the stark white walls making the contrast even more horrifying. There were footprints next to the tub and blood on the edge. The toilet looked relatively unharmed since it was right next to the door but even then there were a couple of droplets on top of the lid. A glint at the base caught his eye and he realized that his blade must have gotten tossed there in the fray.

Quickly he darted forward and his fingers closed around the handle. It was cold and dark with the heavy color of dried blood. The blade was spotted with the rusty flecks and smears and when he clicked it out a bit farther he realized he couldn't continue with Derek's superior senses right on the other side of the door. He got up off the floor and opened the lid of the toilet and pulled the front of his pants down to do what he'd actually said and as the splash of his pee started in the toilet he clicked the blade out silently.

The blade glinted cleanly at the base of the knife and quickly he finished up what he was doing so he could flush and sit on the top of the toilet. He only had a bit of time before Derek would wonder what he was doing so without pausing to really think about it or appreciate it held the cutter in his left and pressed it to the inside of his right wrist. Since it was his non dominant hand the pressure was a little off and didn't give him anything near the satisfaction he needed. Again he pressed it to his skin and dragged it again, applying more pressure and finally the sweet bite of newly broken skin washed through him and he sighed in relief. The anger and fear and sadness he'd felt at Derek's rejection seemed to wash right out of him just like that and he could breathe easier once again.

"Stiles! Hurry up!"

Stiles jumped as he pressed the blade to his skin once more and caused the blade to impale his skin. This bite of the blade wasn't quite as pleasant as the others had been and the wound immediately began to drip blood quickly. Cursing silently he quickly got up from the toilet lid and turned the cold water in the sink on full blast, tossing the blade under the spray immediately.

"Uh, yeah! I'm fine! Everything's good! No need to worry! Just…go back to reading!" he said quickly, trying to drown out the noise of the cutter as he clicked the now clean blade back into place.

Quickly he wrapped the blade in toilet paper and stuck it behind the toilet so it could both dry and be hidden. Next he went back to the running water and washing his fresh cuts free of blood and as soon as those were taken care of he grabbed a bunch of toilet paper to begin wrapping his wrist. The paper kept breaking and unable to keep his frustration at bay he cursed violently under his breath.

Forceful pounds on the door made him jump again quickly unrolling the toilet paper frantically. "Just a second!" he yelled.

"Stiles! Open this door!" Derek yelled beyond the wood and the handle started rattling as it was being tugged on.

"Please just hold on! I'm almost done!"

The toilet paper just wasn't wrapping and now his wrist was bleeding again and Derek's pounding made the pounding in his chest even more frantic. When the wood of the door screamed and finally cracked around the handle, giving way, Stiles just dropped to the floor and started sobbing. The toilet paper was a mess in his hands and it did nothing to hide what he'd done. Tears of frustration and fear and anger and sadness left him in sobs. Derek stood there over him like a looming shadow of judgment and all he could do was slump there on the floor and let his head fall forward as he sobbed loudly and brokenly.

"St…Stiles." Derek could hardly say his name as he took in the pathetic form before him.

Stiles' sobbing hit him like an anvil straight to his heart and it felt like he was breaking with him. Slowly, unable to really grasp the whole situation he took a step towards that shaking body. Stiles smelled different than anything he'd ever smelled on him before. There was pain like a bitter scent, sadness smelled salty and watered down, fear was a sharp pang of sourness in his nose but all together it was a horrid mix of defeat. Stiles just…gave up.

Knees collapsed into Stiles' blurry vision and it registered that Derek had fallen beside him. Giant, warm hands pulled his and he didn't even have the strength to protest or accept those hands. Derek didn't know what to do. Stiles wasn't responding to him. His emotions didn't change or even register the fact that Derek was there.

Quickly he reached over Stiles and pulled open the cabinet under the sink and grabbed the first aid kit and tugged the still bleeding wrist over to him and carefully withdrew the toilet paper stuck to the drying blood. Some places caught and tugged open the scab and still the scent didn't change. Was Stiles in so much pain that this little bit didn't even register or was he so far gone that he didn't care? It worried Derek like he hadn't been worried in so long. Once his wrist was bandaged he moved to the left one and tugged the old bandages off and cleaned the terrible wounds once again before applying the healing salve and bandages once more.

"Stiles." Derek said carefully, finally saying something to him. "Stiles, what happened?"

Stiles shook his head and turned his shameful face away from Derek's. He didn't need Derek seeing him like this anymore. There was only so much humiliation, judgment, and exposure a person could take. If Derek hated him now it was his entire fault. He felt Derek draw back away from him and if possible the pain he felt like a physical thing in his heart seemed to tear through him anew.

"Look, I have no idea what you want from me! I see and sense you suffering and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do! What do you want?! I'll never know unless you say something! Stiles!"

The absolute desperation in Derek's voice startled him and brought him back from his utter despair enough to lift his head and stare at Derek's pained face.

"I don't want you to hate me." He pleaded and sobbed again. "I can't…I can't do that anymore. You hating me. It hurts. Every single time I realize it it's like a new wound. Please!" Stiles gasped loudly, pleading like his life depended on it, which it might.

Derek seemed taken aback. "I don't hate you!"

Stiles made a pained face. "Of course you do. You ignore me and yell at me and think I'm totally obnoxious and I can see you want nothing to do with me. Why did you do those things to me if you were just going to take it all back? Did you change your mind? I want to do all these things with you and that just makes it hurt worse! Why would you make me feel these things?!" Stiles ranted and for a second Derek was reminded of the previous Stiles, the hyper-active, motor-mouth Stiles that he was so used to and actually missed.

"Stiles, calm down. I do _not_ hate you. I'm confused and worried and have no idea how to handle this and that makes me do things I don't mean to. I didn't mean to snap at you earlier or ignore you. I was caught up in thinking about what I could possibly do to make this better but _nothing_ came to mind. I just…can't do the whole 'comfort' thing. I've never been good at it." Derek pauses to sigh and swipe a hand over his suddenly tired face. "I…don't know what to do Stiles. Can you not see that I'm having a hard time with this too? I don't know what caused it and I don't know how to fix it and there's nothing I can research like all the other times we've had problems."

Derek seemed winded after so much talking and for a split second Stiles was a little surprised that he'd even been able to get that much out all at once but it was quickly replaced with the sorrow burrowed in his chest.

"I already told you before! Being left alone, being ignored, being through all this shit with nobody else! My mind _and_ body have taken this toll that I don't think I can take! You being all emotionally constipated makes it even worse!" Stiles pushes himself against the wall and grabs his hair with both hands as if that was the only thing he could hold on to. "Then there's all these…_feelings_! I have a fucking man-crush on you or something and it fucking sucks!"

Derek slowly sat next to him, his shoulder just barely out of reach of Stiles'. "Um, I don't like being vulnerable. After…Kate…"

"I don't want to hear about your failed love life. I'm not Kate! I will _never _be Kate! She was some psycho bitch that murdered your family by using your feelings but when have I _ever_ done anything even remotely _close_ to that?! Can't you have _some_ form of trust?!"

"No Stiles! I can't! I don't know if I ever can! The hunters, the Argents, the _humans_! They've never been trustworthy and suddenly here _you_ are and Allison an _Argent_! How am I supposed to take this?! Because if you have any idea what so ever then I would gladly accept! So far the only thing that's happened from trusting humans is my family being ripped away from me and my _feeling_ being so destroyed that there's nothing left!" Derek yelled back at him.

"Then why didn't you ever tell anyone how you felt about _that_?! Scott, Isaac, _me_?! We listen! Well, they listen. I guess I'm pretty obnoxious." Stiles paused as he thought about that. "Now I feel like a hypocrite. Great. Just fucking great."

"No Stiles. I asked. I want to know what's going on. How you're feeling. I want to know all of it. If it means that you'll get better I'm willing to do anything." Stiles snapped his head over to his and he quickly amended. "Almost anything. I won't…kill anyone I if I can help it. Does your dad know about this?"

"I hope not. I did my best to keep it from him and it was only your extreme unluckiness and werewolfy senses that alerted you to any of this." Stiles muttered and ran his fingers through his hair before finally letting go and heaving a huge sigh. "This isn't just going to get better you know? I still feel like the only relief I can get is from the knife." Tears ran down his face again.

"Stiles." His uttered name sounded like it pained Derek greatly. "I don't actually know why. I don't understand the relief through pain. I understand control through pain so…maybe?"

Stiles nodded and ducked his head. "I just…can't Derek."

Derek's name fell from his name in a whisper and Derek couldn't help but shiver. He never wanted to hear his name uttered in such pain again.

"How can _I_ make it better? I'm not good at comforting or anything." He said, holding his hands out palm up to indicate his helplessness.

Stiles turned to him slowly, his face turning up to look into Derek's so he could see the redness of his crying eyes and the track from his tears. Derek wanted to wipe them away…so he did. Reaching up with one hand carefully, hesitantly, he drew his thumb across the underside of Stiles eye and when he leaned into the touch he felt a smidgen of relief.

"Just…I…want you. Derek…I want you like, I don't even know. I want you to hold me and kiss me and tell me it's going to be alright. I want you to make me believe I'm not as fucked up as I am."

Derek lifted both his hands and tugged on Stiles' shoulders and pulled his thin body to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. "If it's that much I can do it." He whispered against Stiles' head and felt him respond.

Stiles felt his tears stop at the sudden surprise of the embrace before the intense emotions of relief and desire and longing washed over him and he cried out into Derek's chest and clung to him tightly.

"Derek, Derek, Derek." He chanted his name as he sobbed and buried himself in the warmth of Derek.

"I'm here."

Those two words were all that he needed and his entire body responded, throwing itself at Derek. Those few inches that had still separated them no longer existed and Stiles was pulled up into Derek's lap and he wrapped his legs around his waist. It wasn't sexual in any way but it comforted him so immensely. The solidity of Derek's body beneath him, the warm shoulder he was crying into, the soft hair his fingers trailed up into and clutched at as he shook, it anchored Stiles. All the while Derek was shushing him gently as if he were a small pup and not a full grown male. He didn't feel like a full grown male though so he guessed it was ok.

It took a while but eventually his sobs subsided and he was left clutching weakly at Derek's body with aching arms. His wrists burned but the burn felt good as well as the fluttering in his chest. Shivers gently wracked him every now and then. As he slowly came back down from his high of crying he realized just how Derek was holding him. Those large, warm hands were stroking up and down his spine and he smiled ever so slightly. Derek pets him whenever they were connected like this. It felt good.

"You ok now?" Derek's gruff voice whispered into his ear.

"Yeah. Thanks." Stiles sniffed and hugged him tighter.

Derek's arms circled his torso completely and held him just as tightly as Stiles did and the overwhelming amount of satisfaction that brought Stiles astounded him. After a bit he started to pull back and Derek's arms slid away, allowing the movement but when he went to climb off of Derek those strong hands held him in place by his waist.

"You're not fucked up." He whispered, his mouth just centimeter's from Stiles'.

The breath hitched in his chest a second before those smooth, warm lips brushed against his and he was being kissed softly by Derek. The kiss was chaste and gentle, their lips barely moving but it was the absolute best feeling in the world. Those longed-for lips were finally on his. Stiles wanted to pull Derek's head back when he began pulling away but he just couldn't.

"Anything else?"

"Uhm…" Stiles couldn't drag his gaze away from those beautiful lips that should definitely still be on his.

Said lips tilted up at the corners ever so slightly and when he looked up amusement danced briefly in those deep green eyes.

"I can do that." Derek answered his unspoken need and replaced his lips on Stiles'.

Stiles gave a small whimper that came unwanted from the back of his throat and the kiss was no longer soft. It was hard and fast, the lips taking and taking and _taking_. Stiles took and took and took in return. The scent of Derek filled his nose and intoxicated him, getting him drunk on his taste and touch and just _Derek_. His tongue peaked out; chasing the come and go of Derek's lips until finally the smooth strength of Derek's tongue tenderly touched his and chased it back into his mouth.

"Mng. Derek." Stiles whined into his mouth and pulled his arms tighter around Derek's neck where they'd slid up from his chest.

Derek's answer was to wrap his arms once more around Stiles' back and pull him so tightly against him Stiles could feel every ridge of muscle behind the layers of cloth between them.

"W-want to touch you…" Stiles couldn't help but groan out.

"Then do it." Derek growled against his lips and sucked his tongue into his mouth before letting it go with a pop.

Stiles had to wriggle back on his lap to put a hand between them and tugged the edge of his shirt up just enough to slip his hand underneath and feel the burning heat of skin underneath. Stiles groaned and nibbled on his bottom lip which earned him a small growl. His hand skimmed across the hard plains of clenching muscle, up from his abdomen to his pectorals. He so wanted to use both hands to explore every bit of Derek.

"N-not here." He gasped out and immediately he felt himself being lifted.

Hands slid down his back and gripped the back of his thighs and Derek's strong thighs worked underneath them, picking them up off the bloodied floor easily. Stiles held on with his one arm as he continued stroking up Derek's moving muscles. His thumb caught a nipple as they walked past the ruined door and felt more than heard Derek's chest rumble in response. Suddenly he was dropped onto the bed and he whined as he was detached from the body he so craved.

"Derek, less clothes." He demanded breathlessly.

Quickly he put both hands under Derek's shirt before it was tugged away and felt those glorious muscles work as he lifted his arms and removed the clothing, tossing it onto the pillow they weren't occupying.

"How far can we go?" Stiles asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

"How far do you want to go?" Derek asked just as cautiously.

"Um…" Stiles bit his lip. "I don't want to just ask for everything. I think it's too soon for that."

"Then we don't have to go all the way. We'll just get off for today."

Stiles nodded and lifted his head towards Derek's again, begging for a kiss and was rewarded just as eagerly. Slowly they managed to strip themselves, only separating when absolutely needed. The first touch of heated flesh against heated flesh sent a hot shiver through the both of them and Stiles lifted his hips to get more. Derek's arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him into his body slowly, undulating their hips together.

"Oh, Derek!" Stiles gasped loudly when his large hand grasped them together and rubbed smoothly over tender skin.

"St…"

"Derek! Dude, we found it! The Zud-thingy's…What The Hell?!" Scott's voice echoed through the loft as he slammed the metal door aside and stomped in.

Faster than Stiles could comprehend the both of them were covered by a blanket and the warmth of skin had been removed from atop him. His head snapped to the side to see Scott followed by Isaac just standing there frozen in the doorway, one foot barely over the threshold. They all seemed to be at a loss as to what to do until finally Isaac stepped around Scott and awkwardly looked everywhere but at them.

"Um, so…yeah. It's the Zud-thingy that's causing the storm." He said with as much forced nonchalance as he could muster as he went to drop papers onto the desktop.

Stiles pulled the blankets closer as he felt embarrassment fill him. He was sure that Derek had a fair amount of embarrassment running through him too even as he forced himself to move. Quickly he was clothed and out of the bed as Stiles just laid there glaring at Scott who was still too shocked to do much but stare between the two of them as he made his way over to the desk as well.

"Scott, you were saying?" Derek prompted as if nothing had happened.

Stiles would've felt bad if Derek hadn't thrown a quick, gentle look at him before glaring murderously at Scott. Scott frowned before shaking his head and Stiles knew this wasn't the end of it but at least it'd been postponed. There was no way he was getting out of this bed so he just lay there and listened to the others as the conversed on the Zud-thingy as they all seemed to be calling it now.

**A/N: I'd like to thank candy, soda, and cheesy poofs for helping me make it through this. 5 hours of writing a single chapter and I'm absolutely dead. **

**This chapter ended at a weird place, sorry, but the next chapter comes all the crazy awesomeness so…yeah, didn't wanna spoil it. Thanks for reading this far! Stay tuned for more! ~hearts~**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So this took waaaaaaaay longer than I thought it would. I wanted to get it done but I didn't wanna write it…cuz I'm lazy. I'm not sorry it took so long though! Cuz it's probably gonna happen again! **

**Oh and this series is only like…half done so…there's still a lot to go.**

**WARNING: Triggering Description Of Cutting and Depression! Also Male On Male Interaction! Sexy Times! (But no sex yet. Sorry. That part's probably gonna be a couple chapters yet.)**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 9**

Scott spread out the pages on the desk and started putting them into order while Stiles laid back and watched Derek's stiff back lean over the desk. Isaac had made it a point by now that he was going to stare a hole into the papers while Scott began talking.

"So we finally found how to stop the Zud-thingy. It's too hard to pronounce the actual word so I'm just going to stick with that. These pages here and here," he says pointing to two of the papers and pushing them towards Derek, "have information on what the Zud-thing is. These three pages describe ways to kill or banish it, and these two pages are on the creatures that are similar to it." He separated the pages and crossed his arms, looking proud of himself although Stiles was sure he'd either slept or ate the entire time Lydia and Isaac searched for the information.

Derek picked up the first of the two sheets shoved at him and started reading through it. After a bit he sighed and put them down again. "This barely makes any sense. It just says that men with supernatural abilities have the power to drive them away. What kind of supernatural powers? Can werewolves do it or does it have to be human?" Derek asks, frustrated.

Stiles makes a small 'hmph' sound as he thinks about what Derek says and suddenly all three eyes are staring at him. "What?"

"Maybe you should look over these. You've always been good at things like these."

Derek turns from the table and leans over the end of the bed to pass the papers to Stiles who stretches his hand out to grab them. The cover slips over his chest and he would have been startled by the glare if it hadn't accompanied a quick sniff and the complete focus on his exposed nipple. Stiles couldn't help but blush and pull himself back under the blankets once he had his fingers wrapped around the papers' edges. Derek quickly pulls back and grabs a random page off the desk as Stiles starts reading.

After a while of skimming through the pages he nods and tilts them down to look at everyone. "So do you want to kill him or banish him? I see two options here and both look equally difficult."

Scott opens his mouth, thinks about it, and snaps his mouth closed again. Stiles stares at Derek since Isaac doesn't look like he could choose between chocolate or vanilla ice cream at the moment. Derek sighs and waves at hand at the pages.

"Well, what do we have to do for both?"

Stiles holds the pages back up to his face. "Well, to banish him we'd have to find his body, cleanse and seal it using various different purification herbs and," Stiles pauses to read the paragraph better, "um, well, we'd have to coax the lifted spirit from either it's body or from the storm and drive it into another plain and seal the body so it can't return. There's also banishing it into a sealed container and we'd still have to seal the body." Stiles paused to look up at them to make sure they were paying attention before switching pages. "To kill it we'd have to find the source of its power and destroy it with a blessed moonstone. I guess that's why we'd need a supernatural dude."

Stiles lays down the papers in front of him on the blankets before turning his steady gaze back to the others. "Well, what do you suggest?"

"It would probably be easier and safer to kill it. Sealing it would require materials we don't have." Derek said lowly.

"We don't have a blessed moonstone either though."

"They're not really that uncommon. My mom had one in a ring she wore on her thumb." Stiles said calmly. "But that's not the hard part. The hard part is finding the source of its power and destroying it. Also blessing the moonstone. How would someone do that?"

They all frowned and Scott let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his unruly hair before stalking over to the couch and flopping down onto it. Isaac stared at him for a bit before following and huffing as he sat down next to him. Derek simply stood there, back still unnaturally stiff and his arms crossed over his broad chest. Stiles was aware that he was still naked and pulled the blankets tighter. Since no one was answering him he simply nodded and continued.

"So, right now what has the most power?" he says calmly and the others look at him again. "I'd say the Nemeton, you guys, Deaton, maybe his sister. I don't even know." He sighs.

"Deaton! He could bless the moonstone! Maybe he'd know where the thing is too!" Scott suddenly said and jumped up from the couch.

Stiles looked at Isaac and noticed his eyes follow him before he too stood up. There was something going on there but Stiles just filed that away for later when they weren't dealing with a storm demon trying to bury the town.

"That's a good idea. Scott, you think you could get over to the animal clinic in this storm? It's kind of far." Derek said doubtfully.

Hearing the doubt in his voice Scott puffed up his chest. "Of course I can do it. I've got Isaac to go with me, right Isaac?"

Isaac perked up at his name. "Huh? Yeah, totally. I'll go with you."

"Maybe you should wait until morning though. It's probably going to get dark soon." Derek suggested and Stiles froze as he thought through that option.

"Hey Derek, come here a sec. Scott can you and Isaac get me something to eat real quick? I'm totally starved."

All three gave him a weird look but Stiles was concentrating on Derek again. Scott stared at him hard and he tried not to think about the questions that he knew would come later.

"Yeah, sure dude, whatever."

As soon as Scott and Isaac were up the stairs Stiles waved frantically for Derek to get his ass over there. Once Derek had leaned down within whispering distance Stiles leaned into his ear.

"Dude, the bathroom. We can't let them see that." He hissed and heard Derek's intake of breath.

"Oh." He grumbled and leaned away from Stiles.

Stiles fidgeted under the blankets, looking pointedly at his clothes thrown on the floor on the side of the bed that were too far to reach but Derek wasn't looking at him anymore and concentrating on the noise the other two were making upstairs.

"The toaster works again." He said loud enough that Stiles knew they'd hear.

Soon enough the sound of toast popping up echoed down to them. The two of them came rumbling down the stairs with a plate and set it down in front of Stiles. He looked at the slightly black pieces of bread smeared half-heartedly with butter and gave a small smile.

"Dude, the toaster always scares me even when I know it's going to pop." Isaac said while shaking his head.

"Same here." Stiles agreed and picked up a piece and crunched into a blackened edge.

His stomach rumbled loudly as soon as the bite hit his stomach and he finally realized just how hungry he was. The scorched surface didn't bother him as much on the next bite or the one after that and soon enough the two pieces were gone and his stomach had stopped its dying whale noises. After wiping off the crumbs on his hands onto the plate he glanced up at Derek who was once again staring holes into his chest. Derek snapped his attention away as soon as he caught Stiles looking at him and cleared his throat.

"It'd be a better idea for you two to head over to Deaton's now instead of later. The storm will only get worse. Do you know where he lives in case he's not at the clinic?"

Scott nodded. "Yeah, I went there once when we had to stop for some herb or whatever that would calm an animal that'd been hit by a car like a year ago."

"Good. Let's hope he still lives there."

There was a beat of silence with them all just staring at each other before Derek gestured around him widely. "Do you still need something?"

"Uh, Stiles, dude, we're talking later. You too Derek." Scott said quickly before tugging Isaac towards the door.

And just like that, with the slam of the door, they were gone again and Stiles flopped back into the pillows, letting out a long sigh. Derek didn't say anything and simply gathered the empty plate off of Stiles' lap and dumped it into the trash beside the bed.

"You want to…um…continue?" Stiles asked hesitantly after he'd sat down on the edge of the bed with his back towards Stiles.

"No." came the gruff reply.

"Ok, that's cool 'cause my boner died the second Scott burst in."

"Not the second he burst in." Derek grumbled and Stiles stared at him for so long with his mouth open that Derek turned around at the sudden silence.

"Did…did you just make a joke? That was totally a joke!" Stiles broke out into small huffs of laughter while Derek continued to glare at him. "And it's not my fault it didn't go right down! You were still all over me."

Derek rolled his eyes and pulled the covers aside for him to crawl under and once again his body was situated right next to Stiles'. Stiles shivered at the warmth of Derek's arm and leaned into the welcoming presence.

"Just fyi, you can do that to me anytime…as long as no one else is around… actually… maybe even then. Like if…"

"Stiles. I am not going to be touching you in _any_ way with someone else around. Ever." Derek stopped that dangerous conversation in its tracks.

Stiles nods and shuffles that conversation away for later, hopefully sooner than the impending 'Talk-to-Scott-about-nakedness-in-bed-with-Derek' talk. That one he wasn't looking forward to as much. He pulls his knees up to his chest and crosses his arms over them to rest his head on before he jerks his head upright when pain ignites in his arms.

"Oh dude, you think they noticed the bandages?" Stiles asks as he inspects the beige bandages wrapped around his arms, the stark white corners of gauze peeking out from beneath the edges.

"Don't know. If they did then don't mention it. They'll probably forget." Derek says gruffly and reaches over to his bedside table and grabs his book lying on the corner.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna go clean the bathroom. I hope you don't mind if I borrow some more clothes." Stiles mumbles, already moving to get off the bed.

"Keep the door open."

Stiles glares at him with a slightly wounded look and huffs as he quickly pulls clothes from Derek's dresser to cover his skinny, naked body. His feet slap on the cold concrete as he throws the door open to the bathroom and jams a sock under the door frame to keep it from slipping closed. For a second he stood there a little horrified all over again at the sight of his blood all over the bathroom before clenching his teeth and walking over the crusty blood to the sink. Underneath the sink the bleach was covered by a mound of rags and Stiles sighed as he pulled out about five rags and the bleach before shutting the cabinet. Cautiously he held one rag to his face and sniffed lightly. It actually smelled relatively clean, just the slight scent of mildew clinging to the edges.

Quickly he tied one around his face to cover his mouth and nose since he knew from past experience that breathing in bleach fumes felt like dunking his brain and lungs in acid. Lifting the bottle of bleach with his left hand made his arm burn so he had to undo the lid and pour with his right hand which had him a bit unsteady.

"Couldn't have bled nicely now could I? Oh no, I just had to get it fucking everywhere on every damn surface." Stiles muttered angrily under his breath. "Didn't want to deal with this. Not now. Not ever really. Scott you idiot. Should've stayed at Lydia's just a _bit_ longer. I haven't gotten off _still_ and Derek probably won't want to even touch me after handling this stuff. Actually, I can't believe he wanted to touch me at all."

The entire time he's mumbling to himself he scrubs at the nasty blood on the tiles. The blood wets again and starts to smear and has to fold the rag in order to clean it properly. The first rag covers at least five tiles with both sides and the second scrubs the rest of the splotches off random places of blood left on the floor. When he's done with a rag he tosses it onto the concrete outside the door and grabs another. On the third rag he's not paying as much attention as he pours the bleach and it sloshes all over his arms. Quickly it soaks through the bandages and his wounds begin to burn severely.

"Oh shit, oh shit! That fucking hurts!" he hisses and quickly rights the bleach bottle and tosses the rag to the ground.

With stained fingers he pries the soaked edge of the bandage around his left arm up and tears the bandage off, not caring that the gauze goes with it. Several cuts immediately begin to bleed, exposing even more of the wound to the still dripping bleach. Cursing vividly he quickly holds his arm over the sink and turns the water onto full blast, jamming the arm under the torrent of frigid water.

"What happened?"

Derek's growl startles Stiles and he jumps, banging his already throbbing, bleeding wounds onto the hard metal spout.

"Fuck! Derek!" Stiles hisses and grips the unmarked skin above his cuts near his elbow tightly, trying to stop the pain receptors from receiving the signals from his brain but to no avail since it hurts like a bitch!

"Stiles! What did you do?!" Derek growled louder and stalked over the bleach covered tiles, heedless of the mess, and grabbed Stiles' arm and turned the water down to a slower, less punishing stream.

"It was an accident this time Derek! I didn't _mean_ to do anything! The bleach slipped and spilled all over my arms. It fucking burns!"

Derek didn't say anything in response and switched from holding Stiles' left arm to undressing his right wrist. The stinging scent of bleach made Derek's nose wrinkle in disgust as he threw the sopping bandages onto the floor. Stiles hissed as his burning wounds hit air.

"Shit. This won't infect my cuts will it? I kinda like my arms where they are." Stiles hissed through clenched teeth.

"It'll be fine."

Stiles didn't say anything other than profanities as Derek shut off the water and took a clean rag from the pile and pressed it onto the slightly bleeding wounds, patting them dry.

"So this wasn't on purpose then." Derek stated more than asked.

"I already said it was an accident." Stiles huffed. "I prefer the slight sting of a blade over the intense burning of chemicals thank you very much."

Stiles' voice was laced with sarcasm although his words rang true. His shirt had thankfully been spared from the spill but his pants had been soaked with both bleach and water since it'd spilled over the side of the sink in his haste. The churning feeling of anger inside of him at both the spillage and the wet clothes was surprisingly intense and he quickly took controlled breaths to calm his racing heart.

"Look, I didn't mean to, ok?"

"I believe you."

Stiles wanted to mutter under his breath like he'd been before but managed to contain his angered words since Derek was pressed against him from behind, patting his arms dry.

"I can do this myself now."

"I need to bandage them again."

Stiles felt anger spark up in him from where he'd manage to tamper it down.

"If you're angry just say so! I know I keep screwing up and if you want to yell at me just do it! You've never hesitated to before!"

"I'm not angry."

"Yes you are! You're speaking in short sentences with that gruff voice you use whenever you're upset about something."

Derek growled low in his throat, his chest rumbling against Stiles' back. "I'm starting to get angry because you're _telling_ me I'm angry."

Stiles grit his teeth, unsure as to why he was so angry all of a sudden. He actually might have preferred to stay sad if this anger was going to keep burning through him and making him feel like he was screwing everything up. Derek certainly sounded angry but his hands were gentle as they finished patting the water and blood off of him. Swallowing as much of the anger as he could he finally blew out a breath and slumped back into Derek's muscled body.

"Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me right now. I'm all angry and frustrated and I don't know why." Stiles grit out.

Derek looked down at Stiles where he slumped against him. At this angle he could rest his chin on his head so he did.

"I don't know either. I've already told you I don't know what I'm doing."

"Yeah, and I don't mean to push you into any of this but it seems as though I've dragged you down anyways. Maybe I'm angry 'cause we were interrupted? Does sexual frustration come out as anger like this? It feels like I've forgotten all of this."

Stiles gestured towards himself without moving his arms out of Derek's grasp. Derek was letting Stiles' skin dry before he fixed him up. He didn't know how to reply so he just shrugged and knew that Stiles could figure out what he meant. Stiles blew out a sigh and leaned his head back so he was looking up at Derek who looked down at him in return. Stiles' eyes were shiny with anger and unshed tears and Derek much preferred this look to the blank nothingness he'd had before.

Stiles stared at Derek as the anger dwindled away and was replaced by a drained feeling. "Let's just finish cleaning the bathroom and get back to bed or whatever. I'm tired."

Derek nodded and lifted his head so Stiles could stand upright. Quickly he bandaged Stiles' arms and made note of the dwindling first aid supplies before stuffing the kit back under the sink and bending down onto the floor to grab the bleach and a rag. Stiles reached for the bleach after Derek had wetted one but the bleach was yanked out of reach and the rag replaced it.

"I'll pour the bleach."

Stiles nodded and silently got back to work. They scrubbed the bathroom quickly and efficiently, wiping away all traces of the horror that had happened in there. Stiles felt as if he should feel horrified by what he'd done but instead he was simply horrified by the amount of blood there was. It made him wonder how he was still alive after losing so much blood. He shrugged it off and wiped the last of the blood off the toilet lid and tossed the rag into the pile. When he turned he saw that Derek had also finished cleaning the tub and the room was now free of blood even though now it smelled strongly of bleach.

"Stiles." Derek said his name gently and Stiles looked at him with suspicion. "Look, I'm going to hold onto this, ok?" He held out the blade he'd found behind the toilet.

For a second Stiles' heart raced in anticipation with a Pavlov's dogs response before it changed to fear.

"Um, I…" Stiles didn't know what to say.

"I'm not saying that you can't have it back but from now on if you ever get the urge to cut you tell me. I'll do what I can to dissuade you from using it but if you need to I at least want to be there to keep you from permanently harming yourself."

Derek slowly put the knife into the pocket of his sweats so Stiles knew where it was, giving him at least that little bit of comfort. Stiles didn't feel comforted that it'd been taken away but he knew that what Derek was saying was practical so he nodded his head tensely. Without saying anything he turned towards the still broken door and trudged out and into the darkened front room of the loft. The light was flicked off behind him as Derek followed him out and the both paused next to the bed.

"Should we sleep?" Stiles asked, unsure.

"If you want."

Stiles sighed and nodded. It'd been a long, emotionally exhausting day and frankly he wanted it over and done with. Hopefully Scott and Isaac would have something for them tomorrow and they'd be done with this storm so he could go home and sleep in his own bed without worrying about whether or not he'd pop a boner next to Derek. Quickly he shucked his pants since they were stained with bleach and pulled back the covers. The shirt was long enough to cover his junk so he just kept it on as he slid into the bed, the smooth sheets cold against his bare thighs. Derek went around to the other side and climbed did the same except he completely divested himself of all clothing. Stiles made it his mission to focus on something else and simply get to sleep.

"Good night Stiles." Derek's voice rumbled behind him as he turned so his back was facing Derek.

"G'night." He muttered back and sunk into the pillow.

The silence wrapped around him and despite usually being unable to sleep, unconsciousness closed over him rather quickly. It drew him into a dream. It was cold, so cold, and the wind was whipping around him furiously. But it was silent. Stiles' dream self stood there stark naked in the freezing, white blankness for a while just looking around before taking his first tentative steps. The ground was completely smooth like ice but his feet stuck with every step. The silence felt heavy, as if it weighed his limbs down and slowed his progress. Progress towards what, he had no idea. Stiles walked and walked, fighting the wind as it pushed at him from one direction and then the next. Sometimes it would knock him off his feet but he'd just get right back up and continue.

"_Filthy. Disgusting. Wretched. Nasty. Sick. Soiled. Tainted."_

Words flit around him in the wind and Stiles whipped his head to the side to see where it could be coming from. Still there was only white and the cold.

"_Destroy. Demolish. Terminate. Annihilate. Crush. Erase. Exterminate."_

Stiles started to run, pushing against the wind and following the voice as it got louder and angrier.

"_Revolting. Repellent. Repulsive. Foul. Abhorrent. Despicable. Vile."_

The words seemed to be on two tracks. One was stating different words for something hateful. The other was words for destruction. As Stiles listened and followed the words of destruction started up directly after.

"_Ruin. Wreck. Obliterate. Slaughter. Kill. Eliminate. Devastate."_

"Hello?! Who's there?!" Stiles yelled into the wind but his words were thrown right back at him.

"_Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate."_

The voice was so loud now. It was twisted and angry. The words were said through vocal cords that sounded hoarse from shouting. They were high and strangled as if the mouth saying them was struggling to say them. Stiles squinted his dry eyes against the wind and slowly a hazy shadow came into view, bending low to the ground as if covering something. Stiles pushed against the wind harder, willing his legs to go faster until finally he was mere feet away from the crouching figure. The foul words were coming at him fast.

"Are you alright?" Stiles asked to the white fur-covered figure.

The figure snarled as it finally realized there was someone else there. The person twisted it's shoulders around and Stiles found himself looking into the face of something truly warped. The face was old and withered and the eyes were sunken deep into the sockets. The eyes were wide open though and instead of the normal whites and irises of the eyes the entire sphere of the eyeball was a deep blue color. But the color seemed off and as they continued staring at each other Stiles realized it was because the eyes seemed to be cracked. Black, spidering cracks seemed to break the sphere of the eye apart. The skin of the face was an icy, pale blue. The color of death.

"_You! What are you doing here?!"_

The thing pointed its bone-like fingers at Stiles and opened its twisted mouth wide, revealing a dead, blue tongue and only a few rotted, black teeth. Stiles' heart was pounding hard as he took a step back. The thing followed, stepping carefully around whatever it'd been crouching over and Stiles quickly looked down. What he saw made him gasp. A map of Beacon Hills was spread out on the ground and covered by a layer of ice to keep it from blowing away in the wind.

"You, you're the person doing this to us."

The mouth which was still hanging open curved up into a malicious grin.

"_Oh yes. I'm giving this wretched town what it deserves. Werewolves, banshees, kitsune, nogitsune, kanima, demons, spirits, _creatures_! This entire town needs to be wiped clean! Clean as snow. White, white snow."_

The thing's face went slack as it repeated 'snow' and 'clean' and 'white' over and over again before it snapped its revolting gaze back upon Stiles who flinched.

"_You're a part of this too Spark. You're pathetic, useless self is causing this. It's all your fault after all. Since the very beginning. If only you'd left everything alone. If only you hadn't stirred up trouble with that _disgusting_ friend of yours Scott."_

Stiles realized it was talking about that first night when Scott and he had gone looking for Laura's body in the woods. That was the first night that his life had begun to change, where everything had gone to Hell. It's what turned Beacon Hills into his personal brand of Hell. This was his fault. If only he'd left everything alone then this wouldn't be happening. The thing stared at him as if it knew everything that was going through his mind and Stiles didn't doubt for a second that it did. In fact it nodded and grinned at him as horrified realization dawned on him.

"_That's right. It's your fault. You caused this. You killed everyone. You're going to die."_

Stiles stepped back farther, retreating faster. The thing followed him step for step until he turned and began to run, yelling out desperately as he heard the demented laughter of the thing as it followed him. It wasn't silent anymore. The laughter floated all around him, smothering him with sound heavier than the silence before. The horror warped into something worse as it began shouting his name over and over again.

"_Stiles! Stiles! Stiles…"_

"…Stiles!"

Stiles screamed as he bolted upright. Everything around him was shaking and he immediately tried to run, kicking the blankets off of his thrashing body. Arms held him down and he screamed louder, thinking the thing had caught him.

"Stiles! Wake! Up!"

Each word was punctuated with a harsh jerk of his shoulders and finally Stiles wrenched his eyes open. Derek's face filtered in through the tears blurring his face and he froze up, his flailing limbs stilling in mid-air. Finally he seemed to realize that he was awake and the thing wasn't still chasing him and he collapsed, sobbing quietly as the fear still pounded through him. Derek carefully let go of his bruising grip on Stiles' arms and sat back a little shakily. Carefully he put one hand on Stiles' hand and gently pets him like he would a pup until Stiles has stopped making gasping noises.

"What happened?" Stiles asked, his voice raw.

"You were yelling and thrashing around. It took a long time to wake you up. Do you remember what you were dreaming about?"

"I…uh…I don't think I was dreaming. I mean, yes, I was asleep but I don't think what I saw was a dream." Stiles paused as he thought over what he'd seen.

"What do you mean? What did you see?"

"I think I saw the thing that's causing this storm. It was…gross. It looked kind of like a person but it was all shriveled and its eyes were weird and mouth and…" Stiles shivered, not sure where to start or even what to say.

Derek nodded and scooted closer to Stiles, sitting right next to him now and Stiles leaned back into his chest for comfort. The heat and solidity of Derek's chest finally chased away the lingering fear and his heart quieted in his chest. Derek's arms slowly wrapped around his waist and pulled him back so he was sitting in his lap and Stiles sighed.

"Ok so, the Zud-thingy appeared in your dream. What did it say to you?"

"It said it was going to destroy the town and wipe it clean of its filth. Evidently the amount of supernatural activity has somehow tainted the land or something. It also said it was all my fault. If I hadn't dragged Scott out that night then he wouldn't have been bitten and all of this wouldn't have happened." Stiles slumped even farther into Derek, feeling lifeless as he realized the weight of those words. "It said I was going to be responsible for the death of everyone in this town and that I was going to die as well."

"You can't really believe that, can you?"

Stiles didn't answer because it was so blatantly obvious that it was entirely his fault.

"Stiles." Derek said his name but he didn't look at him. "Stiles, look at me."

Still he didn't look and Derek's hand released his waist to come up and grip his chin, forcing him to look at him. Derek could see the resigned acceptance in Stiles' eyes and sighed.

"For as smart as you are, you're awfully stupid sometimes." Derek said and released his chin.

Stiles sighed and twisted on Derek's lap so his legs were slung over his thigh and he could bury his face in Derek's shoulder.

"You're not the one doing this so it's not your fault." Derek said gruffly, clumsy with his words of comfort.

"You should listen to your own words sometimes." Stiles mumbles and pats Derek's chest lightly.

Derek sighs. "I'm not saying it for me. I'm saying it for you. 'Cause it's true."

Stiles lets out a huge yawn and Derek shifts them until they're lying on their sides facing each other.

"Do you want to lie like this or the other way?" Derek asks, unsure.

Stiles turns onto his other side and pushes back until his body is flush with Derek's and his arm is around his waist. "This is perfect."

Derek grunts an agreement and presses his face into Stiles' shoulder and Stiles shudders before closing his eyes once more.

"Wake me up if it seems I'm having another nightmare."

"I will."

"Also, I'll tell you the rest of what I saw in the morning."

"Ok."

"I like sleeping like this."

"Good night Stiles."

Stiles smiles and lets out a small huff of laughter. "Good night."

This time they do sleep the rest of the night without any more hiccups and wake up to a dark dawn. Well, Stiles wakes up to a dark dawn. Derek is lightly snoring behind him and had somehow made it onto his back during the night. Stiles sits up slowly, pushing the blanket down so he could move without jostling Derek, and notices something odd about Derek's sleeping figure. A blush heats his face as he realizes that Derek isn't immune to the glories of morning wood. Stiles himself had woken up with his cock lying heavy against his thigh.

Stiles stares at the tenting blanket for a long time before quickly darting his eyes back and forth between Derek's sleep slackened face and the tent. Finally, after much deliberation, Stiles slowly slithers underneath the covers and carefully crawls over Derek's leg until he's between his thighs. Derek's cock is hard and red, the uncut tip pressing against the fabric and leaving a small wet patch behind. Stiles licks his lips and carefully lifts the blanket a little so he can position his face over the tip. He doesn't want to touch it in fear of waking Derek so he puts both hands on either side of Derek's hips, resting on the bed to hold himself up as he oh so slowly leans down. His lips part as soon as they touch the hot tip and he slides the silky smooth head of Derek's cock into his mouth. The salty taste of precum bursts across his taste buds and he can't help but let out a small noise of arousal at the taste.

Slowly he lowers his head, taking the cock deeper into his mouth, laving the silky sides with his tongue until the tip hits the back of his throat and he has to struggle not to gag. Above him he hears a drawn out groan from Derek and he can't help the swell of pride within his chest as he withdraws his head before sucking it down again. Once it's as deep as it can go again he sucks on it lightly, making sure his teeth are carefully covered by his lips so he doesn't hurt Derek. The resulting noise has fire rushing through his veins and he can't help but press the palm of his hand against the tip of his cock, feeling the precum drip down his hand.

Derek's breathing stutters above him and he thinks that it's just because he'd done something right but then Derek's shifting beneath him and the blankets are slowly being tugged up. Stiles looks up without taking his mouth off of Derek, still sucking up and down the shaft, and sees Derek's sleepy eyes squinting down at him.

"Stiles? Oh G…" Derek's words are bitten off as he groans deeply.

Stiles moans at the sound, the vibrations going straight through Derek's cock and then he feels a hand running through his hair. Stiles' breathes in deeply through his nose on an upstroke and wraps his hand fully around his cock as he watches Derek watch him.

"Geez Stiles. I thought I was dreaming."

"Mmm." Stiles answers without taking his mouth off of him.

"How long have you been doing this?"

Stiles pulls off of him and wraps the hand not wrapped around his own dick around the spit slickened shaft of Derek's cock and strokes him while he talks.

"I don't know. Maybe five minutes?"

"Five minutes." Derek groans and Stiles' cock twitches at the face he's making. "It feels like I could cum any second."

"M-me too." Stiles gasps and leans back down to cover Derek's cock once again with his mouth.

What he can't fit in his mouth he strokes with his fist, his own cock being worked furiously with his other hand. Derek's hand clutches almost painfully tight into his hair and suddenly Derek's cock is growing in his mouth. There's little warning besides the sudden twitch and Derek's cumming hard down his throat. Stiles swallows greedily and his balls tighten as he cums into his fist, jerking himself and Derek through their orgasms. Once the flow has stopped Stiles pulls off slowly, licking up any cum that managed to dribble out of his mouth and sits back on his haunches, staring at Derek with blissed out eyes. His softening cock is still held in his messy hand and Derek's eyes zone in on it.

Quickly and without warning Derek tugs Stiles down onto the bed on his back and their positions are reversed. Stiles feels Derek's deft tongue making quick work of the mess he'd made and he groans loudly at the oversensitive head of his cock being taken into Derek's hot, wet mouth. After his cock is sucked clean and already chubbing up again Derek pulls Stiles' messy fingers into his mouth one by one and licking across his palm until his hand is free of his cum as well. Stiles is breathing hard by the time Derek crawls back up the bed and lays next to him.

"That was…wow." Stiles says articulately with a dazed smile gracing his lips.

Derek nods. "Agreed."

Stiles leans forward and Derek gets the gist, leaning down to meet him halfway so their messy lips meet. Stiles moans at the taste of cum in their mouths, knowing it should be gross but it makes him hot with arousal once more. Before it can turn into round two Derek pulls back and swipes his thumb across Stiles' bottom lip and pressing a last kiss against those swollen, plump lips before sitting up again.

"You need to tell me about your visit with the Zud-thingy."

Stiles smiles at Derek's usage of the stupid nickname of the thing and nods. Derek gets up from the bed and looks at Stiles expectantly but Stiles just stretches his arms up above his head until they're pressed against the head board, knowing Derek is watching him, and stretches his body out to its full length, letting out a loud groan as he feels the endorphins rush through him. Once he's thoroughly sated he lets out a huge sigh and waits out the bliss before slowly climbing out of bed.

"Yup, time to face this thingy down." Stiles says and gives Derek a shit-eating grin.

**A/N: Sooo…this chapter is finally done! Took a long time. I never really plan out the chapters so I just write them randomly, aiming towards a goal. I had a butt-ton of stuff to do these past two weeks which is why it took so long. I CAN'T FIND A JOB!**

**Also if the cussing seems weird it's cuz I don't cuss so…yeah. There's that.**

**Thanks for reading! The next chapter should be coming out within the next few weeks! ~hearts~**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sooo, I realize this is coming along slower than anticipated and fiiine, I am actually sorry for that. I don't mean to take so long to get these out but it happens. And I have a LOT of excuses that none of ya's wanna know.**

**HOWEVER! All of your reviews really help me write. It gives me a sense of purpose and ~sigh~ I'm a total sucker for your comments. My tummy goes all fluttery and I feel so happy and ~sappy smoopy feels go here~**

**WARNING: Sexual situations and triggering descriptions of depression. **

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 10**

"Ok, so, we need to figure out the situation from your dream last night." Derek mumbled as he took the steps up to the kitchen two at a time.

"Yeah. I still don't think it was a dream though." Stiles replied and climbed off the bed to follow him.

Since the power had been turned back on it was warmer in the house and the floor didn't sting his feet with cold as much. Though he still needed a blanket and shivered once he was seated in a chair at the table, watching Derek pull things out of the freezer and beginning to put them into the fridge again.

"What do you want to call it then? A vision?"

"Hmm, nah, let's just stick with dream even though it was clearly not a creation of my subconscious."

"It could be though." Derek said as he put the last steak aside before shutting the freezer door.

"Nope. Dreams are created from images you've seen in your life. Every single person you meet in a dream you have come across in real life even if for only a second." Stiles taps his temple. "It's all stored in here even if you don't remember it. Now this thing that I spoke with last night I have definitely never seen before 'cause I would definitely remember something that hideous."

"What if it was from one of those movies or comic books you like so much?"

Stiles sighed and shook his head again. "I have pretty good recall. Now, I am absolutely positive that what I saw last night was the Zud-thingy. I'm just not sure where it is or how it got here or why it visited me. What I am sure about was that it was looking at a marked up map of Beacon Hills and that it wanted to kill all of us."

Derek nodded and clicked the burner on, settling the pan over the flame before flicking his gaze back over to Stiles, telling him to continue since he'd paused.

Stiles thought back onto what he'd seen and tried to recall what exactly was on the map he'd seen. He'd been in such a panic that he hadn't really paid much attention to it but he'd gotten a quick look. Now just to focus on that memory.

"Ok…" Stiles held up his hands as if trying to grasp something. "The thing had been crouched over a map and it was frozen to the ground. It was like…covered in a layer of ice or something except…except for one spot. It looked like a piece of the map was thawed but only in one spot."

"If I gave you a map could you recreate what you saw?" Derek asked before slicing open the meat packaging with a claw and tossing it onto the pan, licking his bloodied fingers afterwards.

"Ah, ew. You'd better wash your mouth out before you kiss me." Stiles commented and caught the answering smirk. "Ok, you're right. I probably won't care. Not the point! That was a gross werewolfy thing. As for the map, I'm sure that if I saw it the memory would be stronger so…maybe?" Stiles shrugged.

Derek grunted in way of answer and concentrated on cooking the meat. Stiles' stomach rumbled loudly as the scent of the steak drifted through the kitchen. Derek cast a quick glance his way with a raised eyebrow but Stiles just waved him off and covered his stomach as if that'd quick the loud gurgling.

"Want some?"

"You willing to share?"

"I might be."

"Ah, light banter. Look at us! All couple-y in the kitchen." Stiles cooed sarcastically before getting up to grab the bread and butter from the fridge. "I'm just kidding. Don't get your tail in a knot." Stiles joked, patting Derek on the back as he passed him on his way to the toaster.

"Dog jokes." Derek mumbled and decidedly ignored the grin aimed his way.

"I've got a plethora of them ever since Scott was turned."

Derek didn't say anything, not wanting to encourage him, and flipped the steak over as Stiles popped two slices of bread into the toaster and clicked the lever down, setting the heat controls onto light.

"No wonder they burned my toast yesterday. This thing was set to char." Stiles mumbled and grabbed a knife from the drawer beside him.

The steak sizzled in the momentary silence while they both waited for their food to be done. They'd grown so used to the sound of the storm that the howl of the wind and driving sleet crashing against the building was just background noise. It wasn't uncomfortable though and Stiles got to ogle Derek's muscular, naked back in the florescent light until the popping of the toaster startled him.

"Holy shh….naynay." Stiles bit off his curse and righted himself from his startled pose of hands up in a chopping motion, standing on one leg.

Derek looked at him with amusement and plucked a plate from the clean pile beside the sink. The sight of the sizzling steak being laid out onto the plate had Stiles' mouth watering and stomach grumbling. Quickly he scooped a clump of butter onto his toast and spread it before stuffing a bite into his mouth to stifle the growling. While he munched on several bites of toast he butters his other slice and carried his plate over to the table where Derek was now seated.

"So, what did this thing look like?" Derek asked before stuffing a bite of steak into his mouth.

"Uh, well…" Stiles mumbled around a bite of toast, trying not to spit crumbs. "It was creepy as hell. It was covered by a white fur coat or blanket or skin or something. When it turned to me its face was all withered and looked like really aged leather. Its mouth only had a couple rotten teeth and the tongue was a really odd blue color." Stiles paused to crunch on more toast until that slice was gone and he picked up his next one. "The eyes were the weirdest part though. They were a solid blue color but it looked like cracked glass and the cracks were black. It was seriously some of the creepiest shit I've ever seen."

Derek nodded as he chewed on his steak. He seemed deep in thought as he cut the steak left on his plate in half and set it onto Stiles' plate who froze with the last half slice of toast half-way to his mouth.

"I was kidding about sharing. You don't have to."

"Do you not want it?" Derek asked and reached back over with his fork but Stiles karate chopped the air in front of it.

"I didn't say that." Stiles grinned and shoved the last bit of his toast into his mouth as he stared at the juicy, slightly pink steak.

"Last night you said that it'd spoken to you about Beacon Hills; that it told you everyone was going to die. Did it say how?"

"It just said it was going to cleanse this land and bury it. Judging by the storm I'd say the burying part is already under way."

Stiles looked at the uncovered window covered in a layer of white and sighed, picking up his steak with his fingers since he didn't want to get up to get a fork. Derek stared at him as he bit a huge chunk off and chewed with relish.

"There are forks you know."

Stiles shrugged and chewed and swallowed before answering. "I don't want to get up and my fingers are already all buttery." He tore off another huge chunk and moaned a little as he tasted meat again for the first time in months.

Derek didn't push him to get one and just put another bite into his mouth. "And you said I was the dog."

Stiles huffed a laugh around his bite. "I think your humor is under appreciated. You're a comedian dude."

"I'm a riot."

Of course that line just had to be delivered with a deadpan face and Stiles burst out laughing, tipping his head back in his enthusiasm. Derek simply stared at him, face straight except for the amusement dancing in his eyes. It took a bit before Stiles was letting out soft giggles and wiping moisture from his eyes.

"Funny man." Stiles chuckled and took another bite, still letting out a laugh here and there as he chewed.

"Now, I have a map of Beacon Hills downstairs in a drawer of the desk. I'll let you use that as a reference. Just don't draw on it, ok?"

"Yeah, sure." Stiles waved away his concern, still smiling.

Derek finished before Stiles did and just watched him eat. Stiles was still unnaturally pale and thin but there was a small flush on his cheeks and neck that undoubtedly spread to his chest. He was also smiling and talking way more than two days ago so Derek took that as an accomplishment.

"You seem better." Derek said before he thought better of it.

Stiles froze as he chewed and stared at his steak for a second before swallowing and looking up at him. The smell of distress scented the air and Derek immediately regretted his reckless words. Yet before he could speak Stiles was opening his mouth.

"Ah, yeah. I feel…better I guess. I mean I'm definitely not 100% or even 50% and I'm definitely going to have relapses but…I don't feel…hopeless anymore." Stiles paused and stared at Derek with a soft, sad expression. "Thanks by the way."

The tension that had rocketed through Derek's body slowly receded a little and Derek nodded. "If you need to…talk or anything, I'll listen…or whatever."

Stiles gave a small huff of a laugh and shook his head. "As eloquent as ever." He mumbled before taking another bite of the steak.

They sat in silence while Stiles finished the last couple of bites and licked his fingers free of the juices. Together they do the dishes and clean up what little mess they've made before climbing back down the stairs to the desk. From the last drawer on the left Derek pulls out and unfolds a large map of Beacon Hills that already has little markings on it that Stiles can recognize from previous crisis they'd managed to resolve. The location of the Nemeton was circled with a red marker and there were several other black x's that marked victims of the sacrifices. Some scribbled notes in pencil outlined the maps borders but Stiles didn't bother reading all of them and stared at it as he tried to recall his 'dream'.

"Ok, the Nemeton hadn't been circled on the map so I'm going to ignore that. Can you hand me a blank sheet of paper?" Stiles asked as he stared hard at the map, trying to figure out which side was up in his 'dream'.

Derek slid a sheet of paper from his draw and handed it to Stiles, watching as he circled the map.

"Hmm, there was a large, red, curving line running through the map and the thawed bit was towards the lower left. I think the red line was a stream or something."

Derek leaned over the map and pointed at several curving, blue lines. "These are all the streams or rivers but they're all either in the preserve or woods. None of them run all the way through the map."

"Yeah and there are only a couple canal bridges but those don't run through town either." Stiles mumbled and put this thumbnail between his front teeth as he thought through the 'dream'.

"Was there any other remarkable landmark on the map that stood out to you? A darker spot in one area indicating a clustering of something?"

"Mm, kind of? In the upper right corner where just a bunch of black squiggly lines that I think indicated elevation levels and down in the lower left were more black lines but I don't think those were elevation levels."

"So a mountain range in the upper right and something in the lower left."

Stiles circled the map looking for these markings but frankly it made little sense to him.

"I was looking at the map from more of an aerial view since it was smaller. Maybe if I were to get higher I'd be able to figure it out."

Stiles grabbed for a chair but Derek simply lifted the map and settled it down on to the floor in front of the desk.

"That works too. Now, let's see what we've got."

The view was definitely better. Stiles could now clearly see the difference between the wooded areas and the city areas. As he stared at the city areas he paused and frowned at it, looking hard at all the lines. A particular one caught his eye.

"Hey, what's this line here?" he asked, pointing towards a rather larger line that squiggled its way across the map.

"That's the main road that leads through Beacon Hills."

"Main street. Of course! It wasn't a stream, it was a street!" Stiles gasped with a smile of triumph.

Quickly Stiles walked around the map until it was technically right side up, the name of the town written on the bottom of the page.

"Here," Stiles pointed at the upper right corner, "is where the elevation is. It's the mountains above the preserve. And down here," Stiles trailed his finger down until he got to the lower left, "is where all the warehouses are in town. This is where I saw the thawed area."

Stiles took the sheet of paper he'd been handed earlier and tore the corner off, placing it where the thawed circle had been and stood up.

"Those are all storage sheds. Why was it marked?"

Stiles shook his head. "I have no idea. You think that's where it might be?"

Derek shrugged.

"Great. Well, at least it's a lead. As soon as Scott and Isaac get back with Deaton we'll relay this to them. Maybe Deaton can make more sense of that 'dream' I had."

Again Derek shrugged and Stiles just sighed and stared some more at the map. In his dream the ice had covered everything but that one place. Did that mean that in that one spot there wasn't any ice either?

"Dude, what if there's no snow or ice or anything in this spot either? Like, what if the map I saw is exactly like the storm now. Everything else is covered in snow but here." He taps the white piece of paper.

"That may be true. Then again it might not be. What did the environment seem like in your dream?"

"White and empty. There wasn't a single sound but it was cold and the wind was blowing really hard and I couldn't see barely anything until I stumbled upon that crazy guy. I was also naked." Stiles added the last bit as an afterthought.

"Why were you naked?"

Stiles scoffed. "I don't know! Maybe because I wasn't dressed in the real world?" Stiles offers.

"That actually makes sense."

There was another really long silence of the both of them just staring at the map before Stiles looked up at Derek on the other side of the map.

"When do you think the others will be back?"

Derek looked up at him. "Probably either sometime this evening or tomorrow morning. It'll be too cold at night to transfer Deaton over here in the storm."

Stiles nodded. "What should we do until then?"

Derek's eyes narrowed but it wasn't a mean thing. More like he was thinking about where this conversation could possibly be going.

"Whatever we want to I guess. You should probably try and make a rendition of that creature you saw so we have a vague idea of what it looks like."

"Yeaaah, totally not where I was going with this but it's a good idea…if I had even an iota of artistic value." Stiles said and flopped his hands up into the air then back down to his thighs in a resigned manner.

"Just try. I'm not asking for exact detail but the best you can do."

"Ok, I'll try." Stiles sighed and rolls his head on his neck. "This is totally not going to end well."

Derek disappeared through the hole in the wall beside the bathroom and Stiles sighed before picking up his torn sheet of paper and sat in his usual chair at the desk. Pulling open the top drawer he rummaged around for a bit before he managed to locate a pencil amongst the random papers. Derek sure had a lot of papers for someone who was more action based.

Recalling the creature from his 'dream' Stiles began sketching out a figure that vaguely resembled the creature. The face was first since it was the most prominent and he decided to draw it with the mouth open since he thought the teeth were a sure way of identifying it. Next he scribbled out the wrinkly outline of the face before shading the eyes. He made sure to add the cracks as best he could. The fur covering was just a mess of jagged edges in the resemblance of the creature's body. He added as much detail as he could remember to the best of ability but even after an hour of work it still looked like a 3rd grader's bad attempt at their worst nightmare.

"Ok, it's done." He called out to Derek as he held it up to inspect his work.

Derek came through the hole in the wall all sweaty. The shirt he'd thrown on when he'd got out of bed had been removed and Stiles couldn't help but watch a delicious bead of sweat as it rolled down his chest and across his abs. The jerking of the paper in his hands pulled his gaze back up to Derek and he let go of it so he could see.

"This thing looks ridiculous."

"I told you, did I not?" Stiles said and leaned back, pulling the slipping blanket back over his naked shoulders.

"Yes you did." Derek confirmed as he continued to stare at the monstrosity.

Stiles fidgeted as Derek continued to scrutinize his work until finally he couldn't bear the condescending look any longer and snatched the paper back.

"Well sorry my artistic skills aren't up to par. I'll have to work on that sometimes." He paused and stared at Derek. "Maybe with you as my muse." He smirked.

Derek rolled his eyes and turned his back, which Stiles promptly stared and ogled at, and walked to the bathroom. He didn't bother to close the door after him since it was broken anyways and Stiles couldn't help but stand, debating on whether or not to follow. The sound of the shower starting convinced him that yes he definitely needed to be there. Quickly he scurried around the map with the blanket clutched to him until he stood in front of the bathroom door. Derek had already stripped himself of his pants and stood there in front of the shower, waiting for it to heat up. Derek cast a glance back at Stiles but didn't say anything as he climbed in, disappearing behind the shower curtain.

"You're a fucking tease." Stiles muttered as he took one step into the bathroom.

Derek's head peeked around the shower curtain and that was it. Stiles let the blanket drop and quickly walked over to the shower, tugging back the curtain so he could watch the steaming water cascade over Derek's smooth skin and tight muscles. There was a small smirk gracing his lips and he looked positively amused and Stiles raised an eyebrow, a smirk of his own decorating his face as he stepped into the shower with him, tugging the curtain back into place. With his back turned to close the curtain a warm body pressed against his back and Stiles shivered.

"Definitely a tease." He said a little breathlessly.

"You didn't get to cum yesterday."

"Which I'm hoping you'll remedy today. Like, now."

There was a growl and the chest against his back rumbled. The sound and feeling had a spike of arousal shooting through his body, sending his blood racing south. Slowly, cautiously, he pressed his body backwards. Derek's legs fit against his and Stiles could feel the outline of his dick pressed against the crevice of his ass right at his tailbone. The feeling made him shiver and bite his lip on a breathy moan. Water rolled off Derek's body and wet his own, bathing him in warmth. Reaching back with his hands he gripped Derek's thighs and leaned his head back against his shoulder. Immediately Derek dipped his head down and pressed his nose into the space between the back of his ear and his hair, nosing down this throat to his shoulder.

"Derek." The name came out breathy with a bitten off moan at the end and Derek answered with a growl against his shoulder, teeth barely nipping at the skin. "Come on. Touch me. Please?" The 'please' was tacked on as an afterthought, giving him a choice.

Hands slid from where they rested at his sides to Stiles' hips, fingers stroking the soft skin along his hip bones and up along his sides. Goosebumps rose on his skin and Stiles shivered. Those hot fingers ran up and down his sides for a second before burning palms slid across his belly and strong arms pulled him back into an embrace. Stiles panted heavily at the heady feeling, his dick stirring between his thighs but he liked the slow pace and didn't press for more.

Derek slid his hands up Stiles' stomach to his chest and let his fingers smooth along his skin until they ran over the hardened nubs of his nipples. The hitch of Stiles' breath and the high pitched keen from his throat made Derek press open mouthed kisses and hot licks along the exposed expanse of throat. His fingers gently pinched and rolled each nub slowly, drawing out each stroke. Stiles seemed to like it when he pinched harder and every so often he'd give a harsh squeeze just to hear that soft whimper and feel the writhing of his body against his own.

Stiles' body was buzzing with arousal and his dick had completely filled with blood. It stood at full attention and ached with neglect but he didn't dare to touch it in fear of cumming too quickly. He could feel Derek's dick growing against his ass and he would occasionally press his hips back just to feel it twitch against his skin. When he felt Derek's teeth scrape along his throat his hands tightened on Derek's thighs and he let out a whimper, a fresh burst of arousal making his dick drip with precum that was immediately washed away by the water. The fingers on his nipples were so soft, gently rubbing over them just hard enough for little jolts of sensation to be sent through his body. Then those fingers would pinch hard and he'd keen and writhe against Derek's body, the sensation was so good.

"Derek, ngh! Derek!" he chanted a litany of Derek's name over and over.

Derek growled louder than before at his name. "Stiles."

Stiles began pushing his hips back against Derek's fully erect cock, rubbing up and down in what was hopefully a pleasurable manner. From Derek's responding thrusts he took that as his efforts weren't wasted. Suddenly those questing, pleasurable fingers were moving away from his chest and gripped around his waist, pushing his body forward.

"Nh! Derek, no!" he gasped, scrabbling to get back to Derek's body.

"Put your hands on the wall and push your ass towards me." Derek commanded, his voice all growly.

Immediately Stiles did as he was told. The tile was cold against his palms since the hot water wasn't hitting it and he spread his legs as far as they'd go in the tub, pushing his waist back to present Derek with his ass. He looked over his shoulder so he could watch Derek and the sight presented to him made him gasp loudly before moaning like a wanton whore. Derek's dick was big…well, more like _huge_ and hard and looked absolutely delicious. Which it was. Stiles smirked as he recalled this morning.

Derek's eyes were trained intently on him and his hot gaze made Stiles shiver. He felt so exposed but it was one of the best feelings ever. His bandages had yet to get wet, thankfully, and the pain he felt as the pressed against the wall simply sharpened the other senses. Derek continued to stare for a bit longer until Stiles whined and wriggled his hips, trying to get some stimulation to his aching cock. Finally Derek stepped forward until his dick gently touched against his thigh.

"Come on tease!" Stiles whined and his plea echoed off the walls around them enticingly.

Derek simply ran his palms over the swell of Stiles' ass and gently kneaded the firm flesh. His fingers dug in and his thumbs parted his cheeks wider until Derek could see his tight entrance which twitched under his gaze. Gently, almost too gently, Derek ran his thumb over his pucker and the unexpected sensation made Stiles jerk his hips and moan loudly. He pressed a little harder and the reaction he got was greater. Stiles pushed his hips backwards against Derek's thumb until he managed to push just the tip of the thumb into him and he groaned loudly, hanging his head between his arms.

"D-Derek. Are you going to do it?" his voice was rough and his breath was coming fast.

"Do you really want it here and now?"

Stiles bit his lip and forced his hazy mind to focus for a second as he thought through what was happening. Finally he let out a gust of air.

"Not yet. I mean, I really _really_ want it but…not as things are now."

Derek smoothed a hand soothingly over his back and Stiles sighed at the contact.

"We can wait until all this is over and you're more yourself." Derek rumbled and leaned over Stiles' back to press his lips gently against his spine, trailing up to his neck and sucking a dark hickey between his neck and shoulder.

"Ok." Stiles moaned and jolted when Derek pulled his thumb out. "I still want your fingers in me though! At least give me that!"

Derek pulled himself upright again so he could see where his finger connected to Stiles body and gently prodded his tight hole with his fingertip.

"I can give you that much."

Derek gently ran his finger around Stiles' hole, teasing and pressing until the muscle relaxed a little before pushing in just a bit. The muscle fluttered around it, tightening almost painfully before loosening to accept him. Derek ground his dick against Stiles' inner thigh and when Stiles gripped him tight with his thighs he growled long and deep, pressing his finger in deeper. Stiles moaned and pushed back a little, sucking Derek's finger in slowly.

Derek's dick was pressed up against Stiles' balls and the underside of his cock and he gave an experimental thrust. The results were more than pleasing as Stiles gripped tighter and started to move almost unconsciously back onto his finger then forward to rub against his cock. Derek thrust longer and harder as his finger rocked in and out. Soon Stiles was loose enough that he could press his second finger against the muscle and it would part to accept it as well, though it was still quite tight. Stiles was hot and smooth inside, the walls clamping and fluttering around his fingers. He was still clean from how little he'd been eating and he was glad for at least that much.

"Derek! Need to cum!" Stiles moaned loudly and Derek's attention was pulled away from his ass to his face and he was simply enraptured.

Stiles' cheeks were flushed a deep pink and his lips were parted and shiny with spit. His bottom lip would occasionally be sucked between his teeth and gnawed on, making it redder and more swollen. Those amber eyes were shut and his eyebrows drawn up in pleasure, his eyelashes long and sweeping over his cheekbones. Water ran down the side of his cheek and Derek couldn't help but lean over to catch that salty sweet droplet on his tongue. Stiles opened his eyes and stared at Derek with half-lidded, lust-blown eyes. The amber was a thin ring around his pupil that had expanded with lust and arousal.

When Derek reached around Stiles' hip with his free hand to grasp his hot erection he could feel the slickness of precum dripping from the tip and down his shaft. Arousal swept through Derek again, making his own dick weep and thrust hard against Stiles. His fingers pumped in and out of his hole with no problem now, having loosened him by scissoring over and over inside him. Stiles was trembling in his arms and he could feel himself growing close, they both were.

"Stiles." Derek growled before he began to cum, his cock pulsing between Stiles' tight, wet thighs and drenching Stiles' cock.

"Derek!" Stiles cried loudly and Derek watched with bliss clouded eyes as Stiles clenched his eyes tight and his mouth opened wide in a shout as he came.

Burning hot liquid drenched his hand and his ass clenched around his fingers as Stiles came. The whole thing made a fresh wave of arousal burst through him and he had to shove it down since a werewolf refractory period is much shorter than a humans. Stiles' legs trembled and Derek carefully pulled his fingers free which made Stiles groan and clutched him around the middle to keep him upright. Cum stained Stile's front and the scent was heady and permeated the air. Derek rubbed it into Stiles' skin before he realized what he was doing and slowly backed them both into the water. Stiles shivered as the water ran over his sensitive skin but soon relaxed into Derek's arms.

"That was amazing." He whispered, eyes still closed as he rode out the tail end of his high.

"Mhm." Derek agreed with minimalistic sounds and pressed his face against Stiles' hair.

"When we actually do it we'll be in bed and no one is going to bug us and there won't be some creepy supernatural dude trying to kill us…again. There'll be lube and condoms…wait, do werewolves need condoms? You guys can't even catch human diseases so I guess they'd be kinda useless. Then again if you really want to use them then I guess we could but we'll _definitely_ do it bareback. That'll be great. Also, toys…"

"Stiles, shut up."

Derek sounded all growly but in fact he was smiling secretly into Stiles' hair at the prospect of getting Stiles into his bed and deflowering him thoroughly. The thought of Stiles' virgin ass all spread out had his arousal rearing its head once more but again he shoved it down and simply help Stiles for a bit longer. As soon as Stiles began shifting restlessly in his arms he loosened his arms and allowed Stiles to move on his own. Stiles twisted around in his arms and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him down. He went willingly and pressed his lips to Stiles' oh so soft ones. The kiss was chaste and slow and filled with things neither of them could say yet.

"We should do that more often." Stiles sighed.

"Get each other off or kiss?"

Stiles chuckled. "I meant kiss but definitely the other one too."

Derek nodded in agreement. "Now for the actual shower."

Stiles laughed and managed to snag the soap before Derek and proceeded to rub him down.

**(By the way, toasters are notorious ninjas and I often counter-act their stealthy surprises with battle poses just like Stiles)**

**A/N: I'm not even kidding. Toasters are pure, humiliating evil. I like toast but I hate toasters. I like cinnamon sugar toast…yummy. And shower sexy times…even yummier!**

**To those of you who like my story Tell Me So! Otherwise I'll have NOOO idea! If you wanna say something SAY IT! …please… Thank You! **

**Again, the next update might take a bit but I swear I have a legitimate reason/excuse. ~hearts~**


	11. Oo! Chapter names!

**A/N: Another chapter DONE! Aw yis. The feeling of success is strong. I've been so distracted by college lately that it's been difficult to get these out fast enough. I've also been obsessed with White Collar and watched 2 seasons in 3 days 'cuz I'm just that awesome (not really).**

**WARNING!: Male on male relations and triggering descriptions of depression.**

**I'VE BEEN FORGETTING THE DISCLAIMER!: Don't worry. I no own.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 11**

Only an hour and a half after they'd gotten in the shower they shut off the water and climbed out, sated and clean. The bathroom was thick with steam and Stiles could feel it stick to his skin even as he toweled off. Derek was out of the bathroom first, already having pulled on a clean pair of sweats and the cold air wafted into the room when he opened the door. Stiles shivered and quickly finished toweling off his hair so he could grab the discarded blanket from the ground and cover himself once more in warmth.

"Too bad you don't have a computer or TV. Then we'd have something to do." Stiles grumbled as he walked out into the cool room.

"There's no signal anyway."

"There'd still be movies!" Stiles stated with an implied 'duh' at the end.

"Sleep then. It'll pass the time faster."

"I'm not tired."

Derek sighed, exasperated. "I don't care what you do then."

Stiles pursed his lips and nodded as he sauntered back over to the map on the floor. There wasn't much he could do anymore except wait for Scott and Isaac to bring Deaton over. It was at least one in the afternoon now so he had quite a bit of waiting to do. Looking at the window he realized that the option of staring out the window was gone since snow and ice covered it almost completely. Thank goodness for heaters because without it blowing on full blast he'd be frozen.

"Will Scott and Isaac be ok? Werewolves have a tolerance to this kind of weather right?"

Derek looked up from his book he'd sat on the bed with to stare at Stiles before answering.

"We can survive in the cold but not in something like this for very long. I'd be able to get to your house and back before I freeze to death."

"Dude, that's like down the highway. That's quite a few miles."

Derek nodded and set the book aside since he figured he wouldn't be able to read it with Stiles talking. He was right.

"That's just me though. I don't know how the others are taking it but I'd say they'll be ok."

"I hope so. What about Deaton? He's only human."

"Not sure how they'll manage that one but I'm sure Deaton'll come up with something. He always does."

Stiles thought about that for a second. "You don't really trust Deaton very much, do you?"

Derek shrugged. "I don't particularly _distrust_ him. He was the emissary for my mother but he's not mine. He just seems…suspicious."

"Hm, interesting. Scott seems to trust him just fine."

"That's Scott. I'm not Scott."

"Yeah, I know." Stiles nodded and walked over to the bed and climbed up next to Derek. "I'm bored." He said after a few minutes of silence.

"Here." Derek pulled open a drawer from his bedside table and took out a book, dropping it into Stiles' lap. "Read this. I think you'll like it."

Stiles wrestled an arm free of the blankets and turned the book over to look at the title. "_A Wrinkle in Time_? Dude, I've read this in like 8th grade."

"Did you not like it?"

"No, I didn't say that. I actually enjoyed it a lot. "

"Then read it again."

Stiles wanted to argue that reading wasn't his thing but that was a blatant lie seeing as how he'd been the main reader and researcher when all the supernatural shit had been going down. Sighing he flipped open the cover and a few pages until he got to the first page and began reading. Soon he was caught up in Meg Murry's adventures and hours slipped by as he turned page after page and reacquainted him with the fantasy and adventure he'd already mostly forgotten. After three hours of reading he flops the book down and stares into empty space for a second before jerking his head to look at Derek.

"Dude…I just realized that this thing mentions the tesseract… _Captain America_ and _The Avengers_ totally stole that!" Stiles waved his hands around in emphasis of his point.

"I'd agree but I haven't seen either of those."

Stiles slaps his hands down and lets out an over exaggerated gasp of horror. "Dude! How could you _not_ have seen them?! They're must see movies!"

Derek shrugged and turned another page in his book while Stiles stared at him with a slack jaw. After a few more seconds of staring he flaps his arms around again before picking the book back up.

"We are definitely watching those movies after all this is over. I'll bet you haven't seen any of the _Batman_s either." Stiles scoffs.

"Nope."

Stiles makes a strangled noise and Derek peeks out the side of his eye at him and his mouth turns up ever so slightly at the corner at the look of shock and mock pain on Stiles face. Stiles shakes his head and turns his attention back to his book and gets lost in the story once more.

The wind howls more furiously outside and Stiles swears that he's starting to hear thunder once again but he couldn't be sure since the snow seems to muffle everything but the wind beating against the building. Stiles was starting to get sleepy, the words blurring together more often when a loud bang rings throughout the loft and Derek's on his feet in less than a second. Another bang comes from the door and Derek's across the room and wrenching open the door before Stiles can even put the book down. Scott and Isaac tumble inside covered in white and shaking. Both of them are carrying something and Stiles' heart beats harshly against his ribs when he realizes that he doesn't see Deaton.

"Scott! Isaac!" Stiles cries and jumps up from the bed.

Derek pulls a pile of blankets off the couch and throws it over them, rubbing them down to warm them up a bit. Stiles help Scott over to the couch while Isaac is helped by Derek. They both collapse onto the soft cushions. Stiles presses his warm hands against Scott's cheeks and the snow and ice melt at the contact. Scott's hands come up to press against his.

"Dude, you're freakin' cold." Stiles laughs.

"Y-you're w-warm." Scott manages to get out around chattering teeth.

Isaac's hands are holding onto Derek's arms as he brushes off the ice on Isaac's face and hair, pulling the blankets tighter around him.

"You guys, where's Deaton?" Stiles asks.

Scott shakes his head and looks towards the large object they'd carried in. Stiles looks over at it and manages to make out a black plastic bag underneath all the melting ice and snow.

"Um, please tell me that's not him. He didn't like…die and you guys stuffed him into that." Stiles asks in full seriousness.

Scott manages a humored huff and shakes his head again.

"S-stuff to st-stop the storm." Isaac grits out from between his clenched teeth.

Stiles shifts and tries to pull his hands away so that he can take a look at the bag but Scott holds tight to his hands and pulls him forward so Stiles tumbles into Scott. Scott's arms wrap around the blanket covering Stiles and he's yanked onto his lap.

"You're w-warm." He repeats and buries his face into the blanket at Stiles' neck.

A low rumble fills the room and Scott and Stiles both look up confused. The look around for a bit until Stile's eyes meet Derek's and realizes just where the sound's coming from. Isaac's staring at Derek with a mixture of horror and confusion.

"Uh, Scott? Mind letting me go please?"

Scott's arms retreat and Stiles climbs off, his eyes never leaving Derek's. Immediately the growling stops and suddenly he looks shocked and slightly confused before his eyebrows nearly fuse together in a frown.

"I…didn't mean to do that." He says, confused.

Stiles nods and runs a cold hand over his shoulder calmingly. "Nah, it's totally fine." He jerks his hand back at Derek's glare. "Yeah, totally not touching. Not touching anyone. I'm just…gonna…inspect the bag."

Stiles awkwardly stumbles over to the bag on the ground, turning his back on the incredibly awkward situation. The bag is tied at the top and takes a bit of fumbling before he manages to yank the plastic ties apart and pull the bag open to inspect its contents. A giant blanket is wrapped around whatever's inside and he has to pull that out before unrolling it to see what it's holding. There were frozen bags of plants with their names written on the bag along with a wooden container with strange etchings, a strange compass like thing, a tiny book, and a tiny knife. The blade of this knife was only an inch long and an off white that seemed to reflect an iridescent blue. The blade was connected to a polished wooden handle with more mysterious etchings along the side.

"Is this thing moonstone?" Stiles asked as he held up the knife.

"Yeah. Deaton said it's one of twelve. He said the blessing could be found in the book." Isaac answered, his voice steady now that he was growing warmer.

"Why couldn't he just bless it?"

"He said you were the best one to do it since you're a Spark."

"He's a freaking emissary. How can he not do this?"

He turned to look at Isaac and held up the knife and book. Isaac simply shrugged and nuzzled his cheek against Derek's hand. There was a burst of jealousy in the pit of his stomach at the fond movement but he quickly tampered it. It was too late though when all three werewolves scented the air and looked at him. Scott and Isaac both looked curious while Derek looked smug. Stiles blushed furiously and turned back towards the objects laid out on the blanket.

"So all of this stuff is to take down the Zduhać? It looks like there's stuff to both seal it and to kill it. Which one are we going to do? We agreed it should be killed before… did you change your mind?"

"Deaton said it was best to be prepared just in case the blessing failed or the knife broke or something."

Stiles nodded. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

Scott got up and crouched beside Stiles on the floor, both of them still wrapped up in their blankets.

"All the herbs are used for the purification to seal it. Deaton said that the blessing was on page 75 and he translated the requirements for the blessing on a sticky note." He said and tapped the book in his hand.

"Ok. Then what is this thing for?" he asks, picking up the compass thing.

"It's exactly what it looks like. Ever seen Pirates of the Caribbean? Of course you have, what am I saying? It's just like Jack's compass but…less efficient."

"Huh…" Stiles turned the compass over in his hands. "How do I use it?"

"It needs to be set on the ground with your finger placed on the needle thing above the compass. It'll point towards what you're looking for but it only works once per person."

"Great… You guys haven't used it yet have you?"

Scott and Isaac both shook their heads.

"Alright! Well, I think it's about time we should get after this thing."

"Shouldn't we wait until morning so it's easier to see?"

Stiles looked at Derek, waiting for an answer to Isaac's question but he just shrugged.

"I don't think it'll get light during the day anymore and the temperature's only going to drop from now on. It won't matter whether it's night or day. I have flashlights and lanterns to use when we need."

"Sweet! Let's get started then! I'm sick of this storm." Stiles muttered.

"You might want to get dressed." Derek said and Stiles realized that he was indeed still naked beneath the blanket.

"Oh, right. That's probably a really good idea." Stiles put the stuff down and stood, clutching the blanket around his body.

He quickly scuttled over to the dresser beside the bed and tugged open the first drawer full of sweats.

"How do you have so many sweats? I thought you only owned tight jeans and Henley's before a week ago."

"I like to stock up." Derek said simply as Stiles pulled out two pairs of sweats.

"Can I borrow a pair of your underwear? That's a totally weird request but I kinda need 'em so I don't freeze my junk off."

"Bottom drawer."

Stiles opened that and tried not to drool at the thought that he'd be wearing the underwear that Derek had worn so many times. Quickly he grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs and disappeared into the bathroom to get dressed. Once he'd pulled on both layers he wrapped the blanket back around him and went back out to the others.

"We should bring the blankets." He mumbled since he felt awfully attached to this blanket of his.

"Good idea." Scott said and wrapped his blanket more securely around his shoulders with a slight pout.

"Let's eat before we leave just in case we don't get back before morning." Derek said and finally let go of Isaac whose face was flushed with heat once more.

They all went up to the kitchen and sat around the warm stove as Derek heated it up. There was only one chicken left and they all agreed to share it along with a sandwich. The two werewolves quickly dried next to the heat and once their bellies were filled they went back downstairs and put all of the supplied onto the table.

"Ok, first I need to bless the blade so that it'll kill the thing when we get there. Also we'll need to memorize the order of herbs for the purification just in case the killing plan doesn't work. Derek do you have any snow shoes?"

Derek shook his head. "No, but my neighbors two floors down do."

"How exactly do you know this?" Scott asked suspiciously.

Derek rolled his eyes at him. "I saw them leave on a trip with them hanging from their backpacks. It's a family of seven so there's plenty. All we have to do is ask them. I'm sure they'll be willing to lend them to us knowing what the weather is like out there."

Stiles nodded and picked up the book. Quickly he flipped to page 75 where a sticky note was indeed stuck to the old page. His face paled when he read over what was needed to bless the blade.

"This is going to take forever!" he whined and tossed the book back onto the table where Derek picked it up.

A small huff of air left Derek in the resemblance of laughter and Stiles wanted to glare at him but all he could do was hide his face as it began to heat up.

"What's wrong with it?" Isaac asked.

Stiles' head jerked up and he glared at Derek in warning. Derek's mouth was still tilted up in a smirk as he handed the book back to Stiles.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong." Stiles said through gritted teeth. "If you'll excuse me I'm going to…take care of something real quick."

"They're going to know as soon as it happens so you might as well tell them. It'll be less awkward." Derek said smugly.

Stiles groaned loudly and put his hands over his face in horror and embarrassment. "Fine! Scott did you read what Deaton wrote on the sticky note?" When Scott shook his head Stiles sighed and braced his hands on the table. "Well, evidently a creature like this is lacking in a specific something which is why the blessing is required." Stiles pauses for a second before handing the book over to Scott to look at the sticky note himself.

"You need…ew! Dude! That's way too personal! Not to mention gross!" Scott made a grossed out face and tilted the book so Isaac could see.

"Yeah…that's kind of weird. Why couldn't it have been something like the herbs or whatever?"

"'Cause this creature is specifically lacking in these things."

"Semen, blood, tears, and saliva. That's just way too weird. At least it gives an explanation for all of them."

Stiles nodded and walked around the map over to the bedside table and grabbed the drawing he'd made and taking it back over to them and setting it down on the table.

"This thing came to me last night in what seemed like a dream but it was way too real. That's why there's a map in the middle of the floor and why the paper's there. This is what I suspect is the Zud-thingy." Stiles started describing the horror of the Zduhać from its withered face to its creepy tongue and choice of wear.

"So the semen is for the lack of love and reproduction. Blood is for the frozen veins. Tears are for its lack of emotion and ability to cry. Saliva is for the evil in its words and lack of saliva. I'm pretty sure this describes a frozen zombie." Scott summarizes.

"Pretty much. Now, where does its power reside so that we can kill it efficiently and without a huge drawn out battle?" Stiles mumbled as he tried to divert to a less embarrassing subject.

"Not sure. That's why there's the book. It should explain some things about it."

Stiles sighed and picks up the book and begins to read through the Russian to English translated words on the Zduhać. He skipped through the paragraphs until he got to the part about the thing's power. The power couldn't be hidden and would be somewhere in plain sight. It would be a part of the creature that it couldn't remove so Stiles thought hard about what he'd seen on the creature.

"I'm not quite sure if I'm right about this but I think its power source comes from its eyes. It says that it's in plain sight and can't be removed from its person since it's a part of them."

"You could be right. This whole thing is so weird." Scott mumbled and shook his head. "I'm not really sure how to go about this so I'm gonna leave you to the planning." Scott clapped Stiles on the shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah. You're just lazy." Stiles joked and picked the book back up. "I'll need to take the ingredients needed and combine them to make a sort of ink. Then I'll write on the blade and bless it against the creature I want to kill."

"What are you going to write on it? Are there specific words?"

Stiles looked over the sticky note at the many instructions written there. "Yeah. I need to write my name, the blessing, and the creature's name on the moonstone itself."

"Let's just get this done. You make the ink or whatever and we'll work on tracking this thing down and our plan of action once we do find it." Derek commanded.

Stiles nodded. "Ok. Do you have a small container or something?" Stiles mumbled quietly as if that'd spare him the embarrassment.

"In the bathroom in the medicine cabinet you can remove whatever's in the little plastic cup and use that."

"Ok." Stiles said sullenly and quickly darted to the bathroom to make his walk of shame shorter.

Quickly he found the small cup he was looking for and dumped the Q-Tips out onto the counter and sat down on the lid of the toilet. He might as well get the easiest things done first. Saliva was easiest and all he had to do was spit into the cup a couple times. Blood was next and he carefully peeled back the edge of his bandage on his left wrist and picked at a scab until it began to bleed into the cup one drop at a time. The door was suddenly jerked open and Stiles startled, getting a drop of blood onto his hand instead of in the cup. Derek stood there staring down at Stiles.

"I don't like when I can smell your blood and not see you." He explained and shut the door behind him once he was in.

"Oh yeah. I forgot." Stiles mumbled and swirled the cup around a few times to mix the blood and saliva. The result was a disdainful pink slime that made Stiles grimace.

Quickly he covered up his cut with the bandage again and set the cup onto the counter before looking at Derek.

"Which would be easier? Tears or jizz?"

"I could probably make it so good you'll cry." Derek said in a low voice.

Stiles shivered and looked away from Derek's heated gaze 'cause he really needed to think and that look was distracting him.

"You think so? How?"

There was a long enough pause that Stiles looked back at him with uncertainty in his eyes. Derek seemed hesitant and Stiles could understand why. Scott and Isaac were in the next room and they were completely new to this.

"I'm not very good at the dirty talk thing. How about I just do it instead."

Stiles slowly nodded. "Ok. Yeah, that could work. I mean even if I don't cry I'll still get the jizz and everything."

Derek didn't respond, simply reached for Stiles. He started first by running his hands down Stiles' chest and down his sides to the edge of the shirts and ran his fingers along the warm, sensitive skin of Stiles' hip. Stiles could only watch and spread his legs to let Derek between them, handing his body over to Derek. The edges of his pants were pulled down and Stiles lifted his hips so they were dropped to his ankles. The boxers outlined his cock nicely and Derek ran his fingers slowly over the bulge over and over until it started to stiffen. Pleasure rolled slowly through Stiles, awakening his cock.

The underwear soon joined the pants around his ankles and his cock stood at half-mast in front of Derek who knelt between his legs now. Derek wasted no time getting his lips locked around the head of Stiles dick and the unexpected jolt of sensation made Stiles gasp and heat rocketed straight through him and into his cock. Under the ministrations of Derek's mouth Stiles' cock soon stood completely hard and leaking precum onto Derek's smooth, deft tongue. Hollowing out his cheeks Derek began sucking him hard and fast, not wasting any time on wringing every last sensation and sound out of Stiles.

"D-Derek! Too much! Too soon!" Stiles gasped as coherently as he could.

Derek's only answer was to hum around him and suck harder making every little feeling more intense. Stiles' eyes prickled with pleasure tears and he quickly hung his head forward and tried to fumble for the cup. When he reached over the cup wasn't there and was suddenly there under his eye, catching the tears that dewed the lashes from both the left and right. Stiles barely had time to comprehend that Derek was such a good multitasker before Derek gave a particularly sharp suck and he was suddenly cumming hard. The first spurt hit Derek on the lip but the next was aimed down into the cup. Stiles emptied himself with help from Derek's hand stroking him lightly through it until finally he collapsed backwards, leaning heavily against the back of the toilet.

"Th-that was…amaaazing." He groaned and let his head loll backwards.

"Good. Now we have the 'ink' done. Get cleaned up and meet us back out there." Derek instructed as he stood and began washing Stiles' cum off his chin. Well, what was left of it since he'd licked most of it off.

"Will do." Stiles gave a thumbs up and watched Derek set the cup down on the counter before exiting the bathroom quickly.

Stiles sat there for a bit longer than necessary, riding out this orgasmic bliss for as long as he could before he had to face whatever horrors came next. Eventually he sat back up and took some toilet paper and wiped his dick clean before pulling his pants back up and grabbing the cup. There was an overwhelming amount of cum in the cup that kind of over powered the rest of the ingredients but it hadn't specified how much of each was needed so he figured it was all fine.

When he exited the restroom Scott and Isaac were pointedly _not_ looking at Stiles _or_ Derek and were focusing on the map and compass. Stiles caught the tail end of the conversation they were having as he walked up with his embarrassing concoction in hand.

"…need to see if it actually works. Deaton said it did but I'm not so sure." Scott was saying.

"Maybe we could try it out on the map. If it points to where we want it to then if we want it to point at a specific point on the map it will. The maps already on the ground."

"That's a good idea. Who should use up their turn with the compass?"

They all looked at each other for a bit in contemplation before Isaac slowly stepped forward.

"Uhm, I think I should. I don't think I'll be very focused out in the storm so it might not work for me. I might as well do it in here were I'm comfortable and focused."

"Good idea." Stiles said and motioned Isaac over in front of the map. "Ok, Scott set the compass down in the middle of the bottom edge." Scott did as he was told. "Now Isaac put your finger on this point and think about the location of the Zud-thingy on the map."

Isaac bent down and pressed the tip of his index finger to the point that stuck out of the middle of the compass and immediately the dial began to turn. The red arrow turned to the left and they scooted it from the bottom of the page up and to the left until it reached the part of the map where the cluster of warehouses and storage units were within the town. Stiles watched with growing anticipation as it grew closer and closer to the white piece of paper marking the Zud-thingy's location in his dream. Once it reached that spot it began turning in circles rapidly meaning it was right on top of it.

"We have its location." Stiles breathed with both dread and eagerness.

**A/N: Aaawww yiiiissss, revel in the anticipation! ALSO! I got 5 reviews yesterday after I posted the last chapter and Oh Mah Sweet Goodness I LOVE YOU TOO! I love all of you who love my work or read my work. **

**Tell Me What You Think! All yalls should write more since I write so much for you (my blackmailing needs some work). Teehee, seriously though, you don't have to review if you don't wanna but I wanna know what yalls think and it helps me write.**

**I LOVE YOU ALL! ~hearts~**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Again it's been like…a week since I uploaded. Oopsy. I have valid excuses I won't bore you with but just know that I am getting these chapters out as quickly as I can. **

**I always think of super witty things to put in these little author's notes thingys but for some reason as soon as I actually write them the just go POOF! and disappear. Blarg!**

**WARNING!: For this chapter nothing really triggering happens except for some violence and a little language. (if the foul language seems weird it's cuz I don't cuss, like, at all… so yeah)**

**DISCLAIMER: I keep forgetting to put this thingy saying I no own.**

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 12**

"We have the lanterns and flash lights. We have all of the ritual stuff and Derek's on his way to ask the neighbors for their snow shoes. All that's left is to bless the knife and be on our merry way." Isaac said and turned from the table with the moonstone knife in his hand.

Stiles took the knife and sat down at the desk with the 'ink' cup set next to him.

"So, what do I write with? I'm gonna need a freakin' small paint brush or something if I'm gonna pull this off." Stiles gestured to the one inch moonstone blade.

"Use a Q-tip. It's small." Isaac suggested.

Stiles shook his head. "No. Something smaller. My real name isn't Stiles you know."

"Actually I didn't know. What _is_ your real name?"

Scott put a hand on Isaac's shoulder. "Don't even try dude. I've wanted to know since we were little and I _still_ haven't found out."

"Is it that bad?"

"It's _that_ bad." Stiles mumbled and thought for a second. "What about the tip of a steak knife? You think that'll work? You think Derek'll even let me?"

"It's worth a shot." Scott said and ran up the stairs to grab the steak knife.

"You guys will have to keep me warm in that storm." Stiles said and Isaac nodded quickly.

"Of course. Scott and I huddled together on our way back and it helped stay warmer."

Stiles gave him a sly look but Isaac's slightly pink cheeks weren't faced towards him and were instead focused on Scott as he came rumbling down the stairs steak knife in hand. Scott didn't give Isaac a second look before walking around him and handing the steak knife to Stiles proudly as if he'd just done something truly great. Stiles felt a flicker of disappointment in Scott and sadness for Isaac before grabbing the knife. The serrated edge pressed into his palm and a flicker of excitement and need fluttered through his belly before he pushed it down and repositioned the knife. He was extremely aware of Scott and Isaac hovering beside him and paused once he had the knife held between his fingers like a pen.

"Uh, guys, I'm about to write in my bodily fluids. Can you not stand so close? A little uncomfortable here."

"Oh, uh, yeah, sorry dude." Scott said quickly and backed up, pulling on Isaac's arm so they were at least five feet away.

Stiles sighed when he looked up to see them both still staring but tried his best to ignore them as he opened the book to the blessing and dipped the knife tip into the 'ink'. On one side he wrote his name. His actual birth name, not Stiles since it wasn't actually the name he was born with. The liquid was a very light pink that seemed to almost disappear against the pale blue of the moonstone. Next he began writing the blessing right below his name. It was one short line written in a language he didn't know. може бити благословени несвет.

"Ok, so my name is done and the blessing is written. What else was it?" he mumbled out loud and looked over Deaton's sticky note. "Oh yeah… the name of the creature. Do you think just writing 'Zduhać' would be enough?"

"I think so. That technically is the name of the creature since it isn't whoever or whatever it used to be." Isaac said.

Stiles nodded. "I sure hope we're right."

He flipped over the moonstone knife but didn't let it rest on the table so he didn't smear the liquid and wrote 'Zduhać' onto the blade. As soon as the last letter was written the moonstone blade began to smoke, the vapors not rising but sinking towards the table and dispersing against the wood. The words written turned from their translucent pink to a dark black and sank into the blade. Scott and Isaac gasped while Stiles gave a muffled curse of astonishment. As soon as there was no more smoke pouring off the blade Stiles carefully pressed his fingertip against the letters.

"Holy shit guys. The letters are burnt into the moonstone. I think it worked."

"Uh, yeah. You could say that." Scott said, nodding his head vigorously while staring wide eyed at the tiny knife.

"Who knew my jizz was so powerful." Stiles smirked and held up the knife.

Scott rolled his eyes and Isaac sighed as if exasperated. Stiles just laughed and went back to staring at the engraved words. The door to the loft creaked open and Stiles knew Derek was back. Without looking up he waved his hand in the air.

"Hey Derek! I totally did it!"

There wasn't an answer for a bit before there was hot breath ghosting past Stiles' ear.

"…ienim…Stilinski."

"Nope! Nope, nope, nope!" Stiles flapped his hands around for a bit before he found the case for the dagger and quickly shoved it back into its sheathe. "You'll never be able to pronounce it so don't even try. Just forget you ever saw it."

"I forgot Stiles wasn't your real name. I've never even seen it! Dude, let me see!" Scott exclaimed, suddenly excited about this tidbit of information.

Stiles clutched the dagger to his chest and shook his head. "Nope! Scott if you get any closer I'm going to tell everyone here about that 'thing' only I know about."

Scott looked confused for a second and took another step forward before he froze. "No way. You don't even remember!"

Stiles gave him an evil grin. "Oh yes I do. It's right abooout…" Stiles made a little pointing motion towards Scott's person before Scott quickly held up both hands and backed off.

"Ok ok! I won't look I swear! Jeesh."

Isaac and Derek were looking increasingly interested but Stiles just looked smug and tucked the knife into the recesses of the bag they were taking with them.

"I'm going to make a quick sketch of the map from our location to the Zud-thingy's location." Isaac said and they all nodded.

"That's a good idea." Stiles muttered, wondering why he hadn't thought of it before.

Isaac was, needless to say, a much better artist than Stiles. Soon they had a miniature version of the map that had a red line running the two point five miles from Derek's loft to the Zud-thingy's hide out.

"Ok. Well then, now that we have our weapon, a way of finding the Zud-thingy, and supplies to hopefully keep us alive out in that storm, let's get goin'!" Stiles said with enthusiasm he didn't quite feel and jumped to his feet.

They all packed everything up and headed to the door. Stiles doubled up his socks before slipping on the snow shoes and pulled a blanket around his shoulders and over his head to try and keep his head warm. The others did the same and he couldn't help but snicker at how ridiculous they all looked. The only one who gave Stiles a weird look at his laughter was Isaac and that's only because the other two were either used to it (Scott) or didn't care (Derek).

"Ok, once we're out there we'll be mostly blinded by the snow. Stiles should stay in the middle so he gets less of the storm." Scott said and hefted the bag onto his shoulder. "Stiles should have the compass and map."

Nobody argued since it was a good plan and despite none of them being quite ready to face this they began their 'adventure' by closing the door behind them with a bang. The wind blowing up the stairs was absolutely frigid and Stiles felt a shiver go through him at the thought of actually walking in snow.

"You know, I actually really like snow but why couldn't this thing have the powers of sunlight and cool breezes?" Stiles complained.

"Because then you'd complain about the hot sun and wish for snow and warm fires." Derek answer and Stiles hit Scott when he laughed.

Scott just laughed again before they all shut up as they stepped off the last stair. It was dark out but Stiles could see the heaps of snow piled at the entrance of the parking garage. There were still dragging footprints from when Scott and Isaac had come in. Well, he assumed it had been them since there was no one else crazy enough to do what they were about to do. Stiles gave a long sigh before pushing Scott in front of him and pulling his sleeves over his hands so he didn't lose a finger or two…or three…or more…to frostbite. Derek pressed against his side and slung an arm around his waist while Isaac pressed into his other side with an arm around his shoulders. Stiles grabbed Scott's back and they all climbed over the edge of the heap of snow and were immediately engulfed in the furious blizzard.

Stiles felt the biting wind and freezing snow through all the layers he was wearing and had a brief flare of panic before he felt the arm around his waist squeeze him tight and they were moving again. Stiles remembered from the map that they had to go down a quarter of a mile to the first intersection and make a right. After that there was a long road of about three quarters of a mile before they had to make another right at the second intersection.

The snow was hard to walk on since it was so loose underfoot. The broad snow shoes helped keep most of his feet above the powder but if they paused for too long or if there was a strong gust of wind the snow easily engulfed up to their knees. Derek had to haul him out a couple times before they reached the first right.

Once they reached the intersection Stiles pushed Scott in the right direction and they were off again. The wind came at them hard from this direction and Stiles could already tell that he'd lost feeling in his fingers and toes. He quickly wriggled all of his appendages to make sure he still had them and was relieved when he felt the bite of pain flare through them. As they trudged on he made sure to constantly wriggle them. About half way down the long road Scott veered off to the right and Stiles struggled to hang on before suddenly the wind was no longer beating down on him.

"What the…" he looked up and saw that they were in a small store that had obviously been abandon near the start of the storm since there was untouched snow on every surface from where the windows and door had burst open.

"Stiles, are your feet and hands ok?" Derek asked quickly.

"I d-don't know. C-cold." Stiles chattered.

Scott wiped the counter next to the cash register off and Derek hauled Stiles up to sit in the cleared space. Derek tugged off his shoes and socks and wrapped each foot with his warm hand. Scott and Isaac did the same for his hands.

"H-how are y-you all s-so warm-m?"

"We're werewolves. We burn hotter than humans. I'm amazed you went that long without complaining about your numbness." Scott muttered.

"My t-teeth w-were weld-ded shut." Stiles mumbled as he continued to shake in their grasps.

"If I'd known that all it took was a bit of cold to shut you up…" Derek shook his head but didn't finish his sentence.

Stiles glared at him and wondered briefly what he was thinking before letting it go and focused on getting feeling back into his extremities. After about ten minutes of constant rubbing and wriggling of his fingers and toes Stiles felt all the numbness fade, leaving an unpleasant burning sensation.

"Ok, I'm good. Let's go. We'll probably have to stop again in about half a mile but let's make good time before then!" Stiles ushered and his socks and shoes were tugged back on and he was re-bundled before they headed back out.

Stiles didn't want to leave the slight reprieve from the storm but he had to with the thought of finally stopping the storm as his motivation. The wind immediately battered them like they were it's personal enemy, which technically they were, and Stiles cursed every part of the cold and swore up and down that he'd never enjoy the winter or snow or anything cold again. He knew that wasn't true but at the moment it kept his mind off his once again numbing extremities.

They made it a few hundred feet past the next right turn before they once again ducked into an abandon shop. This shop didn't have a readily available counter so they sat Stiles on a quickly cleared off section of ground and began warming up his fingers and toes once again. Stiles felt slightly pathetic that he was the only one holding up this little expedition of theirs but didn't say anything about it. Instead he reached into his shirt where he'd been valiantly protecting the map against the wet and tugged it out, splaying it across his lap and giving his hand back to Scott.

"Ok. We just made our second right turn so we're about a mile in. Next will be a left at the…" he paused to count the intersections, "fourth intersection then a quick right down a random street. That'll be the second street we pass by that's not an intersection. That road will be about half a mile long then we'll come to a right where there should be a bunch of warehouses and storage units."

"I know where that is." Derek mumbled.

"You do? Why didn't you mention that earlier?" Stiles asked.

Derek glared at him. "I didn't realize which storage company was being used. My family used to have a storage unit in there but I'd only been there once when I was a kid."

"And you didn't remember because…?" Stiles prompted.

"Because the route you explained seemed familiar. I didn't know." Derek annunciated as if he were talking to someone incredibly stupid.

Stiles sighed and shook his head. "Ok, ok. I think I'm good to go now guys. Let's just get this done with."

Once they were back out into the storm the progress they made seemed quicker. Stiles realized that they'd been relying on him for the directions the whole time and mumbled curses under his breath until Derek's hand squeezed tightly around his waist. Stiles gave him a sideways look and saw that Derek's face was closer than he though and he quickly turned his face forward again, feeling much warmer all of a sudden.

They had to stop another three times to warm Stiles back up and almost missed a turn but eventually they made their way through the storm. The sign that had been hanging above the storage center's entrance was now lying in a heap beneath the snow where it'd been blown down. The gate was still standing though which made getting in a whole lot harder. The four of them just stood there for a bit looking stupid as they tried to figure out how to get them all in. Stiles finally sighed and pulled Scott towards him.

"I would never be able to climb that fence so you guys are going to have to throw me over!" he yelled over the storm. There were looks of surprise and horror but Stiles just kept going. "Derek you'll throw me and Scott you'll catch me! You guys can get over no problem I'm sure!"

There were more looks of apprehension before Stiles shoved Scott away. They didn't argue since it was cold as fuck and they all really just wanted it to be over and done with. Scott and Isaac went up to the fence, dropped their stuff, and vaulted over, landing easily on the other side. Derek threw the stuff over first then gathered Stiles up.

"I could probably jump with you in my arms." Derek said loudly into Stiles' ear.

"Don't chance it buddy!" Stiles yelled back and patted his chest.

Stiles didn't say it but he was truly worried about whether he'd make it over the fence or smash into it. When Derek drew back to throw him he shut his eyes tight and then he was being launched over the ten foot high fencing. He held himself in a tight ball so his limbs didn't flail and then gravity caught up to him and he was caught roughly in a pair of arms. He unclenched his eyes and stared up at Scott.

"Holy hell. I'm never doing that again. Thanks!" he said quickly and scrambled out of the cradle of Scott's arms.

Derek landed a couple inches away from him, startling the shit out of him before they regrouped. Now that they were in the area they had no idea where to go so they walked through the isles between storage sheds until they reached the warehouse fronts. They stopped just inside an old warehouse whose door handle had been rusted to hell and it'd been easy for Scott to break off. Inside was much quieter though just as cold.

"Ok, so we know it's in one of the storage units or warehouses but we don't know which one. This is where the compass comes in handy." Stiles said and pulls it out of his shirt and sets it onto the icy ground. "We'll take turns using it. Derek should go first, then Scott, then me. As soon as we find where it's located we'll need to have a battle plan."

"Simple. The three of us get you to it and you stab it in the eyes." Derek says.

Stiles give him a 'duh' look. "No shit Sherlock. I mean how are we going to approach it? It's not like we can just walk in there and be like, 'Hey we're here to kill you! Can you hold still so Stiles can stab you in the fucking eyes?'"

"What if we can?" Isaac asks, his eyes far away as he thinks. "Stiles what if you stay out of sight while we distract it and lead it to you? You just have to be close enough to stab it but you don't have to be the one getting close."

"That's actually a good idea. Nice job Isaac!" Scott praises and claps Isaac on the back.

Stiles watches Isaac's face go redder than the pink it was from the cold and he snickers lightly before turning serious again.

"That might actually work. You guys'll probably have to hold it so it won't dart off when it sees me. That'd ruin the whole plan."

"Once it's close enough to you we'll grab it and call out to you." Derek said.

"Good, good. Now that we have a plan let's find this son of a bitch." Stiles growled and placed moved away from the compass on the ground. "Derek."

Derek leaned down and placed his finger on the point above the compass and they all watched the needle spin twice before settling on north northwest. They all looked out the window of the warehouse in the direction it pointed. It pointed in the direction of the storage units so at least they didn't have to trudge through all the warehouses. Stiles picked up the compass once Derek had righted himself and they huddled together again as they stepped out into the blizzard. They made their way north northwest for a while, walking between storage units until they were near the middle. In the middle of the isle they dug down to the ground which was covered by a foot and a half of snow and placed the compass onto the ground again. This time when Scott placed his finger on the point it spun directly towards the W. Directly west was about three containers in a row so they marched over to the middle one and dug to the ground again. The needle pointed straight at the container before spinning once and pointing at the container again. It continued to do this several times before Isaac stepped up to the large storage unit.

"Um, guys? Derek? You might want to see this." Isaac said to them over the roar of the wind.

Stiles scooped up the compass and crowded in with the others as they bent to look closely at the side of the container where Isaac was pointing.

_T. & E. Hale._

"Dude. This was your family's storage unit." Stiles says quietly, knowing they could all hear him.

Derek doesn't say anything but Stiles can see the slight nod in answer. They stare at the name for a bit longer before Derek reaches out to touch the name plate before backing up quickly.

"Let's just get this over with." Derek growls and turns towards the door.

There's a heavy lock secured to the handle but it doesn't hold up against a pissed off werewolf's strength. It snaps easily and Derek stuffs the twisted metal into his pocket before tugging the door open slowly. Stiles is quickly stuffed between Scott's back and Isaac's front before they shuffle inside. It's pitch black inside and the wall Stiles is shoved against is no warmer than the snow he'd been trudging through. Quickly he squats into the corner and tries to make himself as small as possible. It's completely quiet and the stillness in the air seems to make the werewolves even tenser. Stiles reaches out until he can feel Isaac and Scott's legs and pushes them away from him. They seem to get the memo because the bag is dropped next to him and he can hear the shuffle of their feet as they scurry away from him.

"Hey!"

Derek's shout echos throughout the empty space, startling Stiles and suddenly it's not so calm anymore. Wind whips furiously around them, making them all throw their hands up to shield their faces and just like that it's no longer pitch black. Pure white replaces the black and if Stiles weren't pressed up against the container walls he'd say he was in a vast empty space. Suddenly the 'dream' he had was fresh in his mind. The eerie quiet that makes his ears ring even though the wind is whipping around him so furiously. He can see the other three off to the right looking at him and each other in astonishment. Cautiously and with little movement he lifts a finger and points forward and to the left, motioning in the direction from his 'dream'. Quickly they set off, leaving Stiles there in the bitter cold.

Stiles knows that the space he's in now is not the same space he'd stepped into when he'd stumbled into the storage unit. This space was bigger than a simple storage shed. Or maybe he was just smaller since he could still feel the walls around him. He didn't know. What he did know was that he could no longer see or hear the others, just the empty whiteness. Quickly he dug through the ice covered bag in search of the knife and felt relief flood through him when his fingers wrapped around the cold, leather sheathe. He pulled it out and clutched it to his chest as he waited for the others to come into sight.

The silence weighed heavily on his mind as he waited. He wondered if time was also different in this odd space because it felt like hours since the other had left him. The wind felt colder without the sound to go along with it for some reason. Stiles tugged the blanket closer around him, breaking a thin layer of ice that had formed on it. He wanted to get up and go after the others but he knew that wasn't the plan. The stillness was making him fidgety and his toes twitched restlessly inside his shoes. His fingers began tapping out a mindless rhythm and he almost started humming before a sound broke through the silence.

"…_usting."_

Stiles listened harder and words floated towards him.

"_Disgusting, nasty, vile, damned creatures. What are they doing in my space? _My space!_ They should be dead! Wiped out, decimated, destroyed, annihilated."_

Stiles felt horror crash through him. The others hadn't been able to find the creature but the creature knew about them. Their plan was a bust and the others didn't even know about it. Stiles stood fast, throwing off the blanket and taking off at a run towards the sound. The snow shoes clacked noisily as he ran so he stumbled to a halt and threw those off as well. He was absolutely freezing but he had to get to that thing before it got to them.

"_Teach them a lesson. Teach them to never come back! Make them suffer."_

Stiles ran hard over the ice slick ground until he could make out a shape in the wind. Flurries of movement confirmed that it was the creature and not one of the others since they didn't have twig thin arms or wear nothing but a white fur skin. Stiles clutched the dagger's end and pulled it from its sheathe and slowed his pace to a walk so his running wouldn't give away his presence.

"_Oh young Spark! You're back! But you brought the nasties with you."_

Stiles was startled as the thing turned in its crouch to stare at Stiles with its unblinking, unnatural eyes. Stiles came to a full stop and hid the knife behind his leg.

"You're going to destroy Beacon Hills. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of innocent humans here!"

"_Oh I know! This place needs to be purged of its rottenness. Those humans are rotten too."_ The creature spat.

Stiles froze as he tried to think of some way to get close to the creature. It was still a good six or seven feet from him, not close enough to throw the knife with enough accuracy or force. A slow idea formed in Stiles mind and he went with it since there was nothing better.

"You're right."

The creature's head whipped around to stare at him. _"What?"_

"I said you're right." Stiles let all of the tension drain out of his pose and he gave a seemingly nonchalant shrug. "This town is really rotten. Now that you mention it I can really see how truly _disgusting_ this place actually is. All those inhuman things and those evil humans not doing anything about it. You're absolutely right. This place is better off gone."

"_Right, right, right! Putrid, horrid, nasty, vile place this is. Needs to be cleansed. Become pure once more. That's what I'm doing."_ The thing pauses and stares at Stiles again. _"You aren't pure either you know. But more pure than most here. Children are the most pure. But still all so nasty!"_

Stiles has the briefest flicker of annoyance as he realizes the Zduhać is talking about his virginity. Quickly he schools his features into one of sad understanding.

"You're absolutely right. I am not pure. But only because those _nasty_ and _vile_ things have tainted me." He puts on a pleading face. "Isn't there any way to cleanse me? Can you do it? Maybe then I can help you get rid of this _rotten _town."

The Zduhać's face seemed to grow more grotesque, if possible, as it's slack mouth pulled up into a grin.

"_Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes! First you must rid yourself of your tainted attire. It stains your skin of putrid creatures."_

Stiles quickly divests himself of his clothing piece by piece. As he's slipping his shirt off he leaves the knife in the sleeve, hidden from the Zduhać. Soon he's standing as naked as he'd been in his 'dream', his skin prickling with cold.

"_The arms too. There's nasties clinging on to those too."_

Stiles looks at his arms and realizes that it means the bandages Derek had done for him around his cuts. Gripping the edge of the bandage he tugs and the bandages unravel and fall from his arms, exposing his healing scabs to the winds.

"See? I was trying to cleanse myself but it wasn't very successful. I know that if you do it then you can make me pure again."

"_You're a Spark but you are more pure. Hmm. Come closer Spark!"_ the creature yelled at him.

Stiles looks at his sleeve with the hidden dagger laying at his feet and picks up a foot. As he does his other foot slips a little on the ice and he puts his foot back down.

"I would follow your every command but I am simply too weak to make it over to you. I am so sorry." He hangs his head in mock sorrow, his already frantic heartbeat picking up speed in fear that this might not work.

The Zduhać stares at him for long seconds while he bows his head until finally it scoots forward, dragging itself along the ice with its hands, the feet sliding beneath it. Finally it stops mere inches from Stiles. At this angle Stiles realizes how small it really is. Like this the creature only comes up to his waist.

"_Kneel! Kneel you tainted thing! Disgusting, despicable thing!"_

Stiles quickly complies, getting down on his knees, his hands flat against the ice to keep him from falling over. The knife is mere inches away from his fingers but he doesn't want to draw attention to it so he waits as the creature gets close to his face.

"_Your skin is tainted but the rest is still pure. Inside is good. Outside is so very bad. Unpleasant. Tainted."_

"What must I do?" Stiles asks, making his voice sound almost reverent towards this creature.

"_Cleanse the skin! Take the skin. Remove the skin. Regrow the skin. Take the tainted and make it pure!"_

The thing lets out the most unpleasant, grating laugh Stiles had ever heard and while its face is still upturned his fingers slide along the ice until they clutch around the knife's handle. He pulls it into his grasp and a feeling of triumph spreads through him until he's able to squash it down. It's too early for that still. The thing is still laughing so Stiles lifts his arm, trying to make it so the rest of his body doesn't move, and jerks the end of the blade straight into the left eye of the creature. Immediately the laughter is replaced by screeching and half formed screams of hideous words. Stiles yanks the blade out and pushes the creature to the ground by its neck. The creatures limbs flail, catching Stiles violently in the chest and stomach, everywhere it can reach. The wind becomes fiercer until it almost throws Stiles off. Quickly, before his opportunity is lost, Stiles drives the blade into the other eye and pushes with all his might. The screaming becomes louder and the black blood of the creature covers his hands. Smoke begins rising from its eyes and Stiles lifts the blade again and plunges it into the creatures eyes over and over again.

Stiles becomes lost in the horror and blind slashing and doesn't realize that the screaming has stopped. He doesn't realize that the wind is no longer blowing. His eyes are clenched shut so he doesn't know that the vast white room had turned into a pitch black space. He doesn't even realize that he's sobbing uncontrollably until there are arms clutching at his, pulling him off of the dead, mutilated creature in his arms. Nothing registers until there is warmth covering his frozen body.

"Stiles. Stiles. It's ok. Come on Stiles."

A warm voice is murmuring in his ear and finally his fingers become slack and the blessed moonstone blade drops from his grasp and he's completely slack in Derek's arms as he cradles him. He sobs loudly and brokenly, shivering violently against Derek's warm body. His chest is tight and he feels like he's not getting enough air. Suddenly there's no air in the room and he's pushing at Derek's chest, gasping.

"Derek let go. He's having a panic attack. He needs space." Scott's voice makes it through the panic in Stiles' brain.

There's a flicker of light in his vision and he can see the three werewolves past the haze of his panic. Scott's face swims closer as he flails around, grasping for air.

"Stiles calm down. Look at me! Focus Stiles! How many fingers am I holding up? Come on, count!"

Stiles grabs onto Scott's arm hard and stares at his hand.

"F-five."

One finger curls away.

"F-f-four."

Stiles gulps in air as he watches another finger curl.

"Three."

Breaths come easier.

"Two."

There's only a pointer finger left.

"One."

He breathes in deeply and collapses in on himself, exhaustion seeping in. Derek catches him before he can fall to the floor and he curls into the warmth. He's shivering now that the panic has finally abated. A blanket settles over his naked form and for a second he realizes he should be incredibly embarrassed by having his junk exposed to everyone but then he brushes it off figuring he can save that for later. Right now he's cold and exhausted and he just wants to sleep right there.

"Tired."

"Yeah. We'll wait here for morning." Derek says quietly, his chest rumbling under Stiles' ear.

"Good."

Stiles doesn't stay conscious long enough to ask where they'd been or what happened. He's out like a light.

**A/N: So the mysterious blessing is actually written in Serbian since the Zduhać is actually a creature from Bulgaria, Macedonia, and Serbia. There was a lot of lore about the Serbian traditions so I decided to make the blessing in that language. It actually says 'may the unholy be blessed'. Now if this isn't the correct translation and you can give me solid proof (since I literally just put the words through Google translator) then heck yeah! Send me a bunch of angry PMs telling me what an idiot I am and to just stick to English!**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. This fic is still far from over so stick with me pals! ~hearts~ **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This is Part 2 of this fic. Sorry it took so ridiculously long. Yes, this time I'm sorry. Several essays a week and chapters upon chapter of reading assignments have prevented me from getting much done. Also I have to take sleeping pills so I can actually get some sleep so now writing at night is no longer an option. (fighting those damn pills are Hard!)**

**WARNING: Triggering description of depression and self-harm…blah blah blah, you know the drill.**

**DISCLAIMER: thingy meant to say I don't own characters or teen wolf…blah blah blah.**

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 13 **

When Stiles came to he was wrapped in warmth and more comfortable than he could ever remember being. Except for that time when he was 8 when he'd been snuggled between his mom and dad after a nightmare. Nothing could quite beat that. There were sounds of light breaths around him and whatever he was pressed against had a loud heartbeat. Slowly he lifted his head and was slightly horrified that his cheek came away wet. Quickly he wiped his face free of his slobber but sadly he couldn't do much about the cooling wet patch left on the shirt of the unlucky person beneath him. Even though his eyes were open it was pitch black, making his heart beat just a little harder. Beneath him the person stirred and suddenly large arms were pulling him back down.

"What is it Stiles?" Derek's sleepy voice whispered in his ear.

"The thing. The Zduhać is still in here. It's body…" a finger comes to rest on his lips and the warmth of it sweeps over his mouth and seems to warm his cheeks as well.

"Shh, we took care of that last night." Derek whispers and Stiles can feel the warmth of his breath wash over his ear and neck.

Slowly his heartbeats slow until his heart is beating normally again within his chest pressed against Derek. There's a knock against his calf and he jerks in surprise when a hand wraps around his ankle.

"Hey buddy, you doin' ok?" Scott's sleepy voice asks around a yawn.

"Can we turn on a light so Isaac doesn't scare the crap outta me too?" Stiles bites out as he settles a hand onto his chest and he pushes himself up until he's straddling Derek's thighs.

The blanket that had been thrown over him slides down his shoulders and he quickly grabs at it to cover himself before a lantern blares to life off to his left. He squints into the sudden light and watches as Isaac presses his face into Scott's chest with a groan and just manages not to snicker. Derek shifts beneath him, his hands coming up from his sides to settle on Stiles' thighs.

"Ugh, what the?" he grimaces as he glances down at his chest.

"Ah, yeah, there are some hazards when it comes to sleeping next to or, in this case, under me. I tend to drool in my sleep when I'm seriously exhausted."

He hears Scott and Isaac unsuccessfully smother their laughter as Derek gives him a baleful glare. Stiles just grins and wipes at the now cold puddle of drool seeping into Derek's shirt.

"It'll dry." He promises.

Derek sits up all the way and suddenly Stiles is face to face with him and the close proximity has him scooting back carefully along Derek's legs.

"Uh, I just realized I'm still naked. Do you guys see my clothes anywhere?"

Derek's eyes immediately shoot downward to where Stiles' dick is pressed against his leg and his nostrils flare, taking in the sudden scent of arousal that burst through Stiles. Scott makes a strangled noise and something is thrown non too gently at the back of his head, forcing his face to smoosh into Derek's shoulder.

"Ouch. Noses are delicate!" he whines as he pulls himself back again.

"I'm delicate Stiles! Keep your lovey-dovey-ness to yourself! I don't need to be smelling that so early in the morning."

"Oh whatever. As if I didn't have to put up with your 'lovey-dovey-ness' for months." Stiles was rewarded by Scott sticking out his tongue. "Mature."

"Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and put your pants back on. We've gotta get home soon. I'm sure your dad and my mom are frantic with worry."

"You're probably right."

There was a sudden longing in Stiles' chest to see his dad. The ache had him scooting off of Derek's lap, whom had been simply watching Stiles talk, bringing the blanket with him so he wasn't showing his ass off to everyone.

"Oh dude, my ribs are a fucking mess!" he groaned as he took in the purple and blue splotches scattered across his torso from where the Zduhać had been struggling against him.

"Let me see." Derek growled and before Stiles could protest he was right in front of him.

"Ok then, not like my pride is already damaged enough." Stiles griped as he snaked a hand down in front of him to cover his junk.

"I've already seen it."

"Totally not the point here Derek!" he stage whispered as Scott made gacking noises behind him. Isaac was thankfully silent.

Questing fingers pressed delicately into the swollen flesh drawing hisses from between Stiles' teeth. Suddenly the pain seemed to fade away as if it were being drained from him and he let out a sigh of relief before he figured out just what was going on.

"Hey! Stop that!" he slapped Derek's hands away. "I don't need any of your werewolf mojo. I thought you couldn't even do that anymore!"

"I've been practicing. Hold still and just let me do this."

Stiles wrapped the blanket firmly around him and backed up a bit. "No! I'm perfectly fine. I'm a big boy and I don't need any magical werewolf mojo to get through this."

Derek gave him an exasperated sigh. "Stiles just let me do this! I wasn't of any use earlier and you had to take care of that thing yourself. Just… come back over here." There was a pause then, "Please."

Well, when he put it that way. Stiles grumbled nonsensically beneath his breath but took a couple steps back towards Derek. Over his shoulder he could hear Scott and Isaac beginning to move around but he didn't look in favor of watching Derek. Derek's fingers parted the blanket and slipped around his hips, holding him there for a few seconds before his hands slid up the mottled skin to rest lightly on one of the nastier bruises. Stiles couldn't help the relieved sigh as the pain again began to fade away little by little, being drained from his body. The ache was replaced by a subtle tightness of his skin and by that point he was fully relaxed. Gently he plucked Derek's hands away and knit his fingers with his own.

"Thanks." He said with fervor before letting go to pick up the pants he'd dropped before.

Derek didn't say anything, just watched as Stiles pulled on the sweatpants, covering him once more from his intense gaze.

"Hey Scott, is my shirt over there t…oof. Thanks." Stiles mumbles around the shirt tossed into his face when he'd turned to talk to Scott.

"Come on, hurry up you two! I wanna go home! Actually I want to go over to the school and grab my bike then go home. Hey Stiles…"

"Nope. Not doin' it. I'm taking my Jeep after I get my stuff from Derek's and headed home to my dad. I have to make sure he's ok and has been eating right while I was gone. Make sure he has all his toes and…" Stiles continues to grumble as he slips off the blanket and tugs the shirt over his pale, bruised torso, letting the sleeves cover his still healing cuts.

It's cold in the storage container but not as absolutely frigid as it'd been before he'd killed the creature. When he turned towards the others he took his time to gaze around at the stuff around him. It was quite a large storage unit and they were in the left corner near the sealed door. Lined against the wall and piled from the back of the unit was heaps upon heaps of stuff. Boxes, furniture, a couple bikes, and just random stuff. He looked towards Derek and saw him looking with him.

"This stuff is all yours now isn't it. Did you know it was here?" Stiles asked quietly.

Derek gave a stiff shake of his head and got up. Stiles hung back with Scott and Isaac as Derek moved across the dusty floor to inspect the long forgotten junk of his past. Stiles felt the need to turn away after a few minutes as if to give Derek some privacy with his parents' stuff. He shuffled over to where Isaac was hunched over the bag and bent down to start putting things that'd spilled out of it back into it. When Isaac didn't move and continued to stare at Derek with sad, puppy eyes he gently bumped him on the top of the head and handed him the bag to hold open. Scott sat there for a while longer, staring at Derek and at the stuff he was going through before he moved to help get the rest of the stuff into the back and hefted it onto his shoulder.

"All the stuff is…"

Stiles clamped a hand over Scott's mouth and pulled him towards the door. Luckily Scott got it after a couple seconds and allowed himself to be dragged to the door. Isaac swung the heavy metal door outwards and when Stiles stepped out he saw an ashy black dusting covering the three foot area of concrete that was cleared of snow in front of the door. A horrible realization dawned on him when he remembered Derek saying they'd 'taken care of it'. The Zduhać was nothing more than ashes scattered in the wind now.

"Let's go." Derek's gruff voice from behind him startled him out of his horrified staring.

"Yeah."

None of them said another word as they piled out into the snow and the heavy door was once more shut behind them with a quiet clang. Scott boosted Stiles onto the bank of snow surrounding them and they were finally on their way back to Derek's place. A solemn silence settled over them as they walked under the still dark clouds. Stiles still needed to stop frequently to warm up but it was better than the night before. None of them brought up the dead Zduhać or Derek's parent's stuff until they were finally on the stretch of road leading back to the parking garage.

"So, are you guys going to tell me how you obliterated all traces of that thing after I killed it?" Stiles asked, his breath puffing out into the frigid air.

No one answered for a minute before Scott spoke up.

"We used the oil from the lantern to soak it then tossed a match on it."

"Where was it? We were in that white space before I killed it and transported us, or whatever, back into the storage unit."

"It was right next to you in the middle of the storage unit. The three of us ended up right in front of the door again. I don't know how."

"Oh yeah. Where'd you guys even go? I couldn't see you guys or hear you guys or anything."

Derek growled lowly, angrily. "We couldn't hear it or smell it so we were just blindly running around hoping we'd run into it. There was no way to track it and we didn't know how big that place was. It was endless."

Stiles nodded. It sort of made sense. They'd been going after a powerful supernatural creature after all. He was silent for a few minutes as the trudged through the thick snow before once again breaking the silence.

"So, who cleaned me off last night? I mean, I was covered in that thing's blood from head to toe."

There was more silence and Stiles looked up from the white snow to look at the three confused faces staring at him.

"There was no blood. It was just a smoking corpse by the time we got there." Isaac explained.

Stiles frowned, his brows furrowing deeply. "No, there was black blood all over me. It smeared all over my arms and got on my face…it was _all_ over."

"The smoke was black and was leaking from the wounds but there was nothing on you."

Stiles stared at Isaac in disbelief then at Scott and finally Derek. They really had no idea what he was talking about. Slowly he took a steadying breath so he wouldn't start shouting and just nodded.

"Ok, maybe it turned into the smoke because I know for certain that there was blood. I'm not crazy you guys."

Scott and Isaac nodded while Derek just stared. Stiles glared at him before he gave a curt nod. Their arrival at the parking garage stilted all argument on Stiles lips since there were already people making their way out of the elevator and towards the calm snow. A lady with flouncy brown hair spoke to them as soon as they were inside.

"Is the storm finally gone? Is it over? What does it look like out there?"

Stiles stopped but the other three kept walking. When Scott stopped to look back at him he waved him off.

"I'll catch up."

Stiles turned back to the lady who stared up at him with wide eyes. "I'm pretty sure it's over. It hasn't snowed and the wind hasn't been blowing since late last night. The snow's about five feet deep on every surface."

A man with thick glasses and a balding scalp walked up beside the woman. "Were you fellas out there the entire time?" he asked disbelievingly.

Stiles shook his head which dislodged some snow that had probably fallen from the trees onto his head. "No. There was an emergency last night and I had to leave in the middle of the night. I almost didn't make it to my destination. I'd suggest waiting until the sun comes out and starts melting the snow before you go out there. It's going to flood. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm freezing and need a hot shower."

The small crowd that had gathered let him through immediately and he completely ignored the stairs, going directly for the elevator. Once the doors had pinged closed he slumped against the wall and took some deep breaths. He felt slightly crazed after everything that had happened and thinking back through it had him fighting another panic attack. When the elevator pinged again to let him know he'd arrived at his destination he was calm enough to step out without shaking.

The door to Derek's loft had been left open for him but the others were nowhere to be seen. He shucked it shoes and soggy blanket by the door and walked over to Derek's drawers. There were no more pants but there was one shirt left so he grabbed that and shucked the rest of his clothes. He'd just pulled the oversized shirt on when Derek came out of the bathroom, steam trailing after him.

"Uhm, sorry but this is the last shirt." Stiles said as he pointedly avoided Derek's bare chest.

"It's fine. These are the last pants."

"Yeah…yeah. I'll just use a blanket. I'm used to that."

"You should take a quick shower then get under the covers." Derek said and pointed to his bed as he finished toweling off his head.

"Ok. I'll just…use the towel from before and…shower." Stiles mumbled and hurried to the bathroom, hands clutching the shirt against his bare legs.

The water was blessedly hot when he turned on the faucet and stepped under the stream, shirt hung over the knob of the door to hold it closed. His cold digits felt like they were boiling for a while before they thawed and warmed up to the temperature of the water. Stiles sighed and relaxed against the warm tiles of the shower wall, letting the tension roll off him like the water. He stood there for a good twenty minutes without thinking about a single thing before he realized he was probably using all the hot water and Scott and Isaac were going to want a shower too. Quickly he shampooed his hair and soaped his body and rinsed off, shutting off the water not five minutes later. The towel he'd used before had been hung up and he quickly pressed his face into the dry fabric.

Once he was dry and clothed (kinda) again his eyes were drooping and felt like his exhaustion was bone deep. He didn't bother to clutch the shirt to his legs like before and simply walked out of the bathroom after hanging up his towel and collapsed onto the bed with a long, loud yawn. Slowly he crawled under the comforter and sheet and pulled them up to his chin. When he opened his eyes he saw Isaac already dead asleep on the couch and Scott not far behind. Huh, maybe he hadn't needed to hurry. Oh well, too late now.

His sleep was deep and uninterrupted and he woke five hours later with a warm body pressed against his back and an arm slung across his midsection. Deep breaths washed over his neck and he shivered slightly at the goosebumps that rose on his skin. He gently turned his head to get a glimpse of Derek's sleeping face and wasn't disappointed by the calm, peaceful look on Derek's face. The angry lines of his brow were smooth and the normal downturn of his lips was straightened. Stiles felt a tightening in his chest and turned back to stare at the couch where Scott and Isaac were cuddled together and still fast asleep. The light in the room was dim but there were stray beams of sunlight streaming through cracks in the coverings.

It was another hour or so before Derek stirred and Stiles had been dozing lightly, immediately awoken by the slight shift of Derek's body. Stiles turned onto his back to look at Derek who stared back with sleepy eyes, his face still relaxed.

"Well, hi there." He whispered, not wanting the others to wake up just yet.

"Hey." He grumbled and Stiles felt his heart skip a beat at the sleep roughened voice. He could get used to hearing that more often.

"There's sun now."

The room was bright with early afternoon sun, the dissipating clouds doing little to block out the brightness now. Derek hummed his agreement and pressed his face into Stiles' shoulder, hiding from the light. Stiles smiled gently and stared up at the odd ceiling for a while longer before Derek moved off of him completely.

"I wasn't done with your warmth." Stiles mock complained, smile still in place.

Derek just kept moving and Stiles turned his head to look at him in time to catch a full bodied stretch as Derek stood up. The muscles in his back stretched out as he lifted his arms and the pants were low slung on his hips, showing off the dimples at the base of his spine. Stiles' smile grew less decent as he stared before quickly turning away so Derek didn't catch him staring.

"The roads are cleared." Derek said from the window and Stiles bolted up on the bed.

Several emotions crashed through him, surprise, happiness, longing (to see his dad), sadness (at having to leave), before settling back down to acceptance.

"Cool. Should I get ready to leave?"

Derek nodded without turning away from the window. "You need to get Scott and Isaac home and you need to get back to your dad."

Stiles nodded before he remembered Derek couldn't see him. "Yeah. I should make sure he still has all ten toes and fingers. I'm sure both my dad and Mrs. McCall are worried out of their minds about us."

"The sooner you leave the better it'll be."

Stiles was sure he didn't mean for it to sound so harsh but the words still stung him right in the chest. Quickly he covered it up by clearing his throat loudly.

"I should wake them up then." He said quickly and a little louder than necessary.

Stiles pushed aside the covers and ignored the sharpness in his chest. The concrete was still cold under his bare feet and the air cold on his bare legs but he paid it no mind. The other two were still deeply asleep when Stiles shook them both by the shoulders. Slowly they came to, groaning about the light and begging to be left alone. Persistently Stiles shook them before dragging their heavy asses entirely off the couch and onto the cold floor. Immediately the two were up and scrambling back onto the couch.

"Come on you pansies. It's time to get going. The roads are clear." Stiles said quickly and left them to their waking up.

His backpack and clothes were still by the door so he scooped up his jeans and shirt to change into and headed to the bathroom. The pain in his chest just would _not_ subside no matter how much he pushed at it. He stared at his pathetic reflection in the mirror until he could hear Scott and Isaac start up some argument about whether they should eat or not before they left. Quickly he tugged off Derek's shirt and pulled on his clothes, shoving down the stupid emotions in his chest so the others couldn't sense them. When he walked out Derek was nowhere to be seen and Scott and Isaac were already changed into the clothes they came in.

"So we thought it'd be a better idea to wait until we got home to eat since there isn't much left here."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Let's get going." Stiles said with no emotion and grabbed his backpack, slipping on his shoes with no socks.

"Ok. Let me grab my stuff." Scott said and quickly ran around, gathering all the stuff they'd come with until it was shoved into his backpack and slung over his shoulder.

Scott tugged open the door and Isaac followed him out. Stiles hesitated for a bit, looking back into the loft but Derek was still out of sight. Well, if he didn't want to see him off that was his problem, not Stiles'. And with that he shut the door behind him with a heavy clang. Going down the elevator Scott and Isaac carried on an excited chat about finally getting some real food to eat and burying themselves in their beds until summer. Stiles was silent through the whole thing until they piled into the Jeep.

"Stiles, think you could drop us off at the grocery store?" Scott asked as he climbed in after Isaac and shut the door.

"Sure, no problem. You guys want me to wait for you?"

"Nah, we'll walk home."

"You're going to his house Isaac?"

"Yeah, I offered him a place to stay for a while. Besides, my mom won't mind."

Stiles nodded and started the Jeep. It took two tries before the vehicle rumbled to life beneath them and Stiles put it in gear, pulling out of the parking garage and into the newly plowed and salted roads. There were a surprising amount of people on the highway and Scott chalked it up to people rushing to see if their families were ok after being caught in the storm. Stiles didn't argue and simply drove through the traffic.

Once Scott and Isaac were dropped off at the grocery store near Scott's home Stiles took off and headed home. It'd only been about two weeks since he drove through but the landscape was completely different. Trees were toppled from the wind and the weight of the snow; houses were either completely destroyed or damaged. Cars were leaning at odd angles against snow, houses, trees or other cars. People were milling about, talking to each other or assessing the damage. The power was still out and for good reason too. Power lines lay everywhere. Stiles even had to drive across a few that lay in the road.

Stiles pulled up to his house but had to park on the road since the driveway was covered in snow. Quickly he jumped out and walked around his Jeep to the other side. Pulling open the passenger's door he yanked out his backpack and was about to close the door but a flash of yellow caught his eye. Turning back he peered under his seat and yanked out a small package from under his seat. It must have fallen down onto the floor then been shoved under by either Scott's or Isaac's feet. Stiles stared it, confused. He didn't remember receiving any package. He shrugged and slammed the door closed, shoving the package into his backpack before slinging it over his shoulder.

When he walked towards his house he was met with a wall of snow only about a foot shorter than he was and he sighed loudly. How was he ever going to get to the door? Carefully he shoved aside snow with his bare hands, quickly losing feeling in his fingers before he was able to pull himself on top of the packed snow. It was difficult to walk across the snow to his house without sinking into it but finally he was able to grab ahold of the roof above his front door. Peering towards the front door he let out a groan of annoyance. There was no way he'd be able to get in since the door wasn't even visible with all the snow that'd been blown onto it.

Slowly he walked towards the tree that he often used to sneak out and quickly climbed up the rough bark until he was able to set foot on the roofing above his window. He never locked his window and he was counting on the fact that his dad respected his privacy and hadn't locked it while he was away. Carefully he trudged through the snow on the small section of roofing until he was able to get to his window. He dusted away all the gathered snow and ice and slid his numb fingers along the bottom. When he fingers found purchase on the rough wood he yanked and was rewarded with the slide of wood as his window opened. It took a bit of wriggling until he was able to open it enough for him to push his backpack in and wriggle in after it.

"Infiltration: Success." He mumbled cheesily before turning back around and closing his window.

It was almost just as cold inside as it was outside and he shivered as his breath clouded in the air. Looking around he saw that ice had gathered on several surfaces. It was going to be a bitch to dry everything when the ice melted. He left his backpack where it was beneath the window and made a beeline for his closet. Yanking it open he stripped out of his dirty clothes and into some thick, warm sweats. He pulled down a thick blanket from the top shelf of his closet before sliding it closed. After he was finally on his way to warming up he ran out of his room and down the stairs.

"Dad! Hey, dad! Are you here?! Are you ok?!" he yelled before he'd even gotten to the stairs.

"Stiles?!"

His dad's surprised voice echoed up to him from the living room and he sighed in relief.

"I had to climb in through my window since the door is completely blocked." He said once he was on the first floor.

His dad came rushing out of the living room in several pairs of sweats and threw his arms around his son. Stiles was surprised at the suddenness of the hug but was quick to return it. They stood there for a while longer until Papa Stilinski patted his back and let go.

"You have no idea how worried I was."

"Oh trust me, I know. I was just as worried about you." Stiles said with a smile.

Papa Stilinski shook his head as he smiled before nodding once. "I guess you do then. How was everything at Derek's? Are Scott and Isaac ok too?"

"Yeah, everyone's fine. Derek's place was probably better than here since he was able to turn on the backup generators and water reserves after a while."

"That's good. Everything was fine here. I was living off of cold cuts and canned food and was starting to get worried about the supply when the storm finally cut out this morning."

Stiles opened his mouth to ask what _exactly_ he'd been eating when the mention of food made his stomach rumble rather rudely. Papa Stilinski immediately leveled a glare at him.

"Was Derek feeding you properly?"

"Yes dad. I just left in a hurry when I woke up and didn't eat before jetting over here. I dropped Scott and Isaac off at the store before coming here."

The Sheriff nodded and didn't ask anymore though his eyes were still narrowed in suspicion.

"Well, let's get something for you to eat. We're out of bread so no sandwiches. There's still some canned stuff and I don't know how good the stuff in the fridge is after sitting in there with no power."

"Let's go check."

They both made their way to the kitchen and his dad gestured to the fridge and Stiles pulled a face at having to be the one to open it. He pulled it open without hesitation since there was no use putting it off and was extremely glad when no foul odors assaulted his nose. Pushing stuff around in the fridge he assessed the damage.

"Well, it seems it was just cold enough in here to avoid anything really spoiling. However, the potato salad and cheese is going to have to go since they're past their expiration date. So is the milk." Stiles pulled an 'ick' face as he closed the fridge again.

He pulled open the freezer next and was glad to see that everything was still mostly frozen. There was still no power so he shut the door again without pulling anything out since he wouldn't be able to cook or defrost it.

"I'll just open a can of whatever's still in the pantry." Stiles mumbled and walked past his dad and tugged open the pantry door.

The supply of food was indeed dwindling. All of the health bars he bought for his dad were gone. All the bread was gone along with the peanut butter and jelly. There were a few cans of vegetables and beans and a single fruit cup left. Stiles glanced out of the door towards the fruit basket and saw that it was empty as well. Well, at least he was glad to know that his dad had been eating right while he was gone. Sort of. Stiles grabbed a can of beans and the fruit cup and shut the pantry door behind him on the way out. Quickly he hunted down a fork and a can opener from their respective drawers. The Sheriff joined him when he sat down at the kitchen table.

"So, are you going to tell me what caused this freak storm?"

Stiles nodded as he pressed the blade of the can opener into the metal and twisted it until the lid popped off. As he ate he explained about everything that had happened while at Derek's, leaving out the cutting and the sexy times with Derek. He finished his food before he finished talking so he sat there as he finally explained what he'd done and when he finished they sat in an uncomfortable silence. John stared at his son for a while and saw the dark circles under his eyes and the paleness of his skin. There was guilt swimming in those honey brown eyes that pulled at the Sheriff's heart.

"You know you didn't do anything wrong, right? That creature had no right to do what it did and had fed you lies. If you believe it then I raised you damn wrong."

Stiles was startled at the severity in his dad's voice and jerked his gaze up to meet his dad's. There was anger and concern in that gaze and he felt his heart clench a bit.

"You and Scott and Isaac and whatever other supernatural force is out there has every right to exist as long as you're not, you know, totally demented. Like that thing." Papa Stilinski continued.

Stiles nodded and looked down guiltily.

"Now, enough of this. It's over and it's time the think about how to fix this mess. We still have that shovel in the garage right?" Stiles shrugged. "Well guess who's going to go look for it then?"

Stiles couldn't help but crack a grin at that and shook his head. "How about I do that tomorrow. I'm still really tired from everything that's happened and am in desperate need of a warm bed."

"Good luck with the warm part but the bed part is doable." Papa Stilinski joked and patted his son on the shoulder as they got up.

Once his trash was thrown away and the fork was put in the trash Stiles walked with his dad to his little nest he'd made on the sofa in the living room.

"You are so taking care of this." Stiles mumbled, looking at the mess of blankets, trash, and different objects of entertainment.

"Yeah, yeah. Go to bed grumpy pants. I'll see you in the morning."

"'Kay. G'night dad."

Stiles trudged back up to his room and shut the door behind him. He was indeed exhausted and if the bed weren't slightly wet he'd collapse onto it. Instead he tugged off the comforter and felt along the mattress to make sure it was dry. Once he'd confirmed that it was indeed dry he switched out his pillows and blankets with one from the closet that had been spared the icing and half made his bed before collapsing into it.

When his body had settled his mind finally started working again. He was back in his room, staring out the darkening window. Alone. There was no warm, comforting presence at his back. There was no hand slipping around his middle or body meeting his back. He was alone with the cold and that hurt. It hurt more than he thought it would and was surprised by the intensity. Immediately he shut it down and closed his eyes, pleading away his consciousness until finally, he slipped into an uneasy slumber.

**A/N: So, writing this chapter was rather difficult cuz it's the transition between part 1 and part 2. Remember that package from Chapter 2?! Tada! Here it is! I'll fully explain what it is in the next few chapters!**

**Also, I pick really weird monsters so don't judge me! Ok, judge me. I'm fine with it. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS FIC! If you don't say I won't know. Just…let your thoughts flow…into the little comment box. I needs it.**

**The next update is unknown, might take a few days, might take a week, maybe longer, I DON'T KNOW! Just don't be surprised if it takes a long time. Workin' on hard stuff people! College suuuuuuuuuux! ~hearts~**


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